Carrai Amach - what an absolute joke...

encore1

so, moved from the big schmoke down to the kingdom a couple of months ago and decided to get involved in the local LGBT movement down here to try and get to know a few people etc...

got one of their text alerts last week about a night out in Killarney that was on last night and decided that I'd go.

So myself and a friend (who I met at the last meet up they had, 2 months ago) and two of his friends all got ready and headed off for what was promised to be a great night...

we get to the door and the "organiser" says to my friend (in full view and earshot of everyone there) "oh...erm, its erm a tenner in...but did you not get my email?" to which my friend politely replies "no, i didn't..."

"oh, well, ermmmmm, hang on there and i'll get the other committee members to come out and talk to you..."

Now, what had happened was this -

At one of their previous meet ups, a good few months ago, my friend - a bisexual man in his 50's, got chatting to a younger guy who was there - they exchanged numbers and my friend sent him a text saying "do you fancy a bit of fun sometime?" - a simple yes or no question - there was nothing more than that in it.

the guy took offence, freaked out, sent some very insulting texts back (to which my friend retaliated and sent something insulting back - not the smartest or most mature thing to do, admittedly!) and the other guy told his mother (!!!????!!!!), who then contacted the "committee" and complained...fast forward to the night 2 months ago when i first met my friend - he walked into the pub and this "secretary of the committee" jumped up out of her seat and marched over to him and again, in full view and ear shot of everyone there, said

"we've had a complaint about you, will you go easy on these young fella's?"

my friend replied "fella's, plural? what do you mean?" because he figured it must have been over the texts to this guy, seeing as though there hadn't been contact with anyone else!

"oh, well lets not make a big deal out of it, but just for future reference, stay away from them."

so, he was mortified and just said "oh right, fair enough" and thought nothing more of it - until about 2 weeks ago, he gets a text from her, saying "hi, we've had a number of complaints about you and would like to hold a committee meeting to discuss this and to decide where we can go from here, can you make it on X date and time?"

he was busy that day and time and told her so and couldn't attend this hearing (lol).

so last night, herself and 2 other "committee" members take him outside, down an alleyway and hold their "meeting" there - going over the exact same issue that had previously been discussed - in front of everyone again!!!

he said "but, first of all, i thought this issue had been dealt with? secondly, i'm here with my friends, so could we not have this discussion another time? and thridly, what is it to you - or anyone else for that matter WHO i text?!"

at the end of the "meeting" nothing had changed, nothing different was said, in fact the other 2 committee members (god, i cringe every time i write that) didn't even open their mouths - but it was decided eventually that we would all be allowed to go in - to which i politely told them what they could do with that and we went and had a great night somewhere else!

i sent a text asking to take my name off the list for any future events as i don't want to be part of any organisation that is so small minded and got a reply, again from this "committee secretary" (- aka GOD apparently) - word for word...

"the young man in question has a social anxiety disorder and was his first time at any event and had just told his parents who "Adam" (committee member) had met that day and assured them their son would be safe, put yourself in his shoes, his parents and "Adam."

now, call me a bitch, but if someone has a disorder of any kind that requires them to be looked after during a night out, surely they shouldn't be there in the first place - or is the Carrai Amach group a babysitting service too?

she then said "we have a duty to care for everyone who attends the events we advertise. thats how we see it."

The whole thing is just ridiculous!!! i mean, that would be like me going into the george, chatting away to someone - giving her my number, (willingly!!!) and then freaking when she sent a suggestive text - then going back into the george, complaining to the mangement that this woman sent me a text and the management then holding a big meeting and then barring me from the place! It's like you can be LGBT down here - if you run by her first or if you play by her rules - or sorry, the "committee's" rules - FFS!!!

i'm really not being funny here, but its this kind of narrow minded, sense of self importance bull**** that gives people down the country a bad name...

not only did she make a complete show of my friend - she made a complete show of herself and also lost 4 patrons for a night that didn't look too promising anyway.

i've noticed that there is never a good turn out at these events and i'm now wondering if its because of this ridiculous ignorance and hitler-type attitude? i mean, seriously, they have a committee to discuss nights out??? so if you don't fit into her ideals, or if she takes a disliking to you for some reason you don't get to be involved in the LGBT scene - because she thinks she's in charge of it?!! i'm in complete shock - not to mention very pissed off and disappointed about the whole thing.

i thought the whole idea of any LGBT socitey was to promote diversity and to bring people together, not alienate those who send (i was going to write "dirty text messages" here, but it was even that - and jesus, i'm sure we'd all be hung, dried and quartered if sending a dirty text was a crime!!!) text messages.

i really hope that this kind of ignorance and narrow minded attitude changes asap, as it's hard enough for most people in rural areas to come out, without being met with this crap - from those who are supposedly on your own side...

if there are any other LGBT people down this way who fancy relaxed nights out - without having to get someone's permission, speak now or forever hold your "piece" lol!

i for one, will definitely not be attending anymore events organised by this "committee" and i think its important that people know exactly what it is they're dealing with.

blogga

If this was a night out for adults the reaction of the committee was absurd. And should be treated as such. If it wasn't a night out for adults....

Annasopra

It seems to me we have a very much one sided version of events. None of us really know why the committee acted the way they did. There may have been reasons other than what your friend told you. Also - groups do have a duty of care to people so I can see from the committees point of view why they may have felt some action was necessary. Im not commenting on the action or actions and I don't think it's fair for anyone really to do so, given that we are getting second and third hand reports.

azezil

TBH if a 50yr old guy hit on me on my first night out on the gay scene I would have probably freaked out too.

An older person, no matter how "friendly" or "harmless" they may appear to those who know them do come across very intimidating to a young person, the young lad probably felt intimidated / afraid to not give your friend his number and then to receive a text message like that!? Come on, can you not remember being young and scared ****less the first time you went out? Cause I sure can!

If anything that committee should be applauded for helping young people come out and for helping them in their early stages of self discovery.

AndrewJD

Like others, not trying to take sides or anything, but Social ADs can be pretty debilitating, and being gay as well just adds another reason to make these groups stressful and scary to be part of. I wouldn't blame the group for taking some form of action if the vulnerable young guy felt threatened, they're trying to make a safe environment for people.

encore1

azezil wrote: »

TBH if a 50yr old guy hit on me on my first night out on the gay scene I would have probably freaked out too.

An older person, no matter how "friendly" or "harmless" they may appear to those who know them do come across very intimidating to a young person, the young lad probably felt intimidated / afraid to not give your friend his number and then to receive a text message like that!? Come on, can you not remember being young and scared ****less the first time you went out? Cause I sure can!

If anything that committee should be applauded for helping young people come out and for helping them in their early stages of self discovery.

applauded for helping young people come out, yes...conducting her business the way she did - and divulging personal info about 2 people to me - hardly!

as for the young lad being intimidated into giving someone his phone number...are you for real? again, a simple "no" would have sufficed - or he could have even done the dreaded (but often used!) "wrong number" trick!

we are all adults here - i'm not talking about a 50 year old man and 14 year old boy - i think the guy is in his early 20's...if he isn't savvy enough to deal with the realities of nightlife, then he should not be participating in it - and NO committee should be fighting his battles for him for gods sakes! it was a text message!

Doug89

Ciarrai Amach are actually just beyond laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame.

I'm another ex-pat from Dublin. The gay in Kerry is hell on earth.

So, setting up a gay bar in Tralee?

Endymion

It's pretty sickening when a sexual predator targets vulnerable young men and sexually propositions them. People like your friend are why many people are weary of homosexuals. Your friend exploited an even designed to help people in order to get his rocks off. Scum is a word

encore1 wrote: »

applauded for helping young people come out, yes...conducting her business the way she did - and divulging personal info about 2 people to me - hardly!

as for the young lad being intimidated into giving someone his phone number...are you for real? again, a simple "no" would have sufficed - or he could have even done the dreaded (but often used!) "wrong number" trick!

we are all adults here - i'm not talking about a 50 year old man and 14 year old boy - i think the guy is in his early 20's...if he isn't savvy enough to deal with the realities of nightlife, then he should not be participating in it - and NO committee should be fighting his battles for him for gods sakes! it was a text message!

So because he can't handle being preyed upon by some slimeball, he should be locked away in a room for the rest of his life? .

encore1

Endymion wrote: »

It's pretty sickening when a sexual predator targets vulnerable young men and sexually propositions them. People like your friend are why many people are weary of homosexuals. Your friend exploited an even designed to help people in order to get his rocks off. Scum is a word.

lol is all i can think of...WHAT are you talking about?!

encore1

Doug89 wrote: »

Ciarrai Amach are actually just beyond laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame.

I'm another ex-pat from Dublin. The gay in Kerry is hell on earth.

So, setting up a gay bar in Tralee?

now now Doug, you and i both know that that would never be allowed - the "committee" would never approve :rolleyes:

Annasopra

None of us (including the OP) know the exact details of what happened here. I really don't think its appropriate for the OP to be giving out so much detailed information (especially considering he is giving out that committee members identified people).

encore1

Endymion wrote: »

It's pretty sickening when a sexual predator targets vulnerable young men and sexually propositions them. People like your friend are why many people are weary of homosexuals. Your friend exploited an even designed to help people in order to get his rocks off. Scum is a word



So because he can't handle being preyed upon by some slimeball, he should be locked away in a room for the rest of his life? .

so hang on... i know plenty of gay men who are into older guys - and plenty of gay men who are into younger guys...so are the younger ones who fancy the older ones just as sick then, yeah? and that applies for straight people too - in fact one of my best friends is a striaght woman, in her early 40's, going out with a man who is in his mid 20's - she's scum too, is she?

get a grip, if someone can't say "no" when someone asks for their phone number and who needs to be looked after in a social scene, then they simply should not be in that environment - it happens in ALL pubs and clubs - where ADULTS go to have fun and MEET other people - like i've said already - this is not a child we're talking about here.

encore1

Johnnymcg wrote: »

None of us (including the OP) know the exact details of what happened here. I really don't think its appropriate for the OP to be giving out so much detailed information (especially considering he is giving out that committee members identified people).

i havent given out any information that wasn't given to me! all i'm doing is pointing out how ridiculous the entire situation is - and that a committee is now fighting a grown man's battles for him because someone sent him a text saying "do you fancy a bit of fun?!"

maybe i'm the mad one to think that that is ridiculous :rolleyes:

Annasopra

encore1 wrote: »

so hang on... i know plenty of gay men who are into older guys - and plenty of gay men who are into younger guys...so are the younger ones who fancy the older ones just as sick then, yeah? and that applies for straight people too - in fact one of my best friends is a striaght woman, in her early 40's, going out with a man who is in his mid 20's - she's scum too, is she?

get a grip, if someone can't say "no" when someone asks for their phone number and who needs to be looked after in a social scene, then they simply should not be in that environment - it happens in ALL pubs and clubs - where ADULTS go to have fun and MEET other people - like i've said already - this is not a child we're talking about here.

again - we don't know the full circumstances so please refrain from giving us any more details that could potentially identify anyone and actually I do believe that groups have a duty of care to their members

encore1 wrote: »

i havent given out any information that wasn't given to me! all i'm doing is pointing out how ridiculous the entire situation is - and that a committee is now fighting a grown man's battles for him because someone sent him a text saying "do you fancy a bit of fun?!"

maybe i'm the mad one to think that that is ridiculous :rolleyes:

It doesn't matter if the information was given to you or not - the point is - it could potentially identify people and even you don't know how accurate it is. You are going on your friends account. I do honestly think that groups like this should be able to step in to protect people if necessary

encore1

Johnnymcg wrote: »

again - we don't know the full circumstances so please refrain from giving us any more details that could potentially identify anyone and actually I do believe that groups have a duty of care to their members

yes - to ALL their members - not a select few!

Endymion

Johnnymcg wrote: »

None of us (including the OP) know the exact details of what happened here. I really don't think its appropriate for the OP to be giving out so much detailed information (especially considering he is giving out that committee members identified people).

Maybe a moderator will do something about it. Wasn't a thread attacking another forum closed recently? Is boards a place for attacking people?

punkypolly

this young fella needs to know what to expect with the gay scene! It should all be taken as experience. gay or straight, we're all going, at some stage, to be in a situation where we're chatted up... terrible or what!?! and get this, if youre not interested or feel pressured by that other person, youre perfectly able to say no thanks, or like encore1 said, give a wrong phone number, or EVEN just not reply to the blinkin message!! but, sorry, running to your mammy is a bit ridiculous and then your mammy running to the "committee" to complain about her son being chatted up is a bit sad. anyway, the boy/man will have to get used to it cause thats the way the cookie crumbles. if youre going to go to the pub, expect at some stage you may get chatted up by unsavouries and you may have to deal with it.
As for this committee..... eh??!! really now? im just angry at their display of "minding" people. yeah whatever. maybe they could have dealt with the situation in a much more subtle way. like, ask yer man to lay off chattin to the poor young boys for a while. or tutor the young fella in the ways of gay life? but to publicly berate a person in the street over a TEXT MESSAGE?!? Quick, get the police! this man must be taken from the streets and banged up! how DARE he be gay and chat up another gay man?!?
Good advertising for their little get-togethers. maybe i'll turn up some night in my peep-hole bra and crotchless knickers and chat up the timid little lesbian in the corner with the glasses.... wonder what they'd make of that.

encore1

Endymion wrote: »

It's pretty sickening when a sexual predator targets vulnerable young men and sexually propositions them. People like your friend are why many people are weary of homosexuals. Your friend exploited an even designed to help people in order to get his rocks off. Scum is a word
.

i don't know - is it?!

Annasopra

Endymion wrote: »

Maybe a moderator will do something about it. Wasn't a thread attacking another forum closed recently? Is boards a place for attacking people?

No