I've turned into a SL*T!!

LegacyUser

Sorry went unrego'd as I'm embarrassed!!

Basically I've turned into a total slut in the past three weeks and I cant seem to stop myself!! I am just out of a long term relationship (4.5 yrs) and I'm in my early 20's so I had a bf for most of college and then until now.

I had my first one night stand the other night and I slept with a different guy last night and I fooled around with a different guy a few days ago!! Seriously I dont seem to be able to stop myself and I'm not sure I really want.

I'm worried I'll get a name for myself, although I'm not to bothered as I'm living a different country at the min. I do really really really miss my ex and if I stop to think about him for more then a few mins my heart really aches. We are still texting every day and he calls me most days as well. It was a mutual break up, we want different things right now but we are both still in love with each other.

But its strange I've been in a relationship for so long is it weird that I seem to have 'moved on' so quickly? I dont really know myself anymore. Has any one else ever been in the same situation?

S23

You're on here using a pejorative term like slut because you've decided you like sleeping around a bit since breaking up from a LTR.

I suspect you're here because you want people to tell you that you're not a slut and you can sleep with who you want when you want and to ease your mind about the fact you are acting out after a breakup. So....

you aren't in a relationship and you are free to sleep with who you want, when you want. I'd just say make sure you always take the nessecary precautions for your own personal safety.

Beyond that I don't know what you want to be told. You have said you don't feel you want to stop. So why should you?

Count Duckula

As long as you're using the appropriate protection then by all means go for it. You're enjoying your new found freedom; nothing wrong with that.

smileyscientist

I don't really see the issue here OP. You like doing what your doing, your having fun, no-one's getting hurt... andI I think everyone goes thru this on some scale once they come out of a relationship.

The only thing thats causing you problems OP, in my opinion is the fact that you are still in contact with your ex, I persum you want to get over him as fast as you can but trust me this will NEVER happen if ye are both in constant contact... and as for the staying friends-never works immediately after a break up.. romantic feelings cannot just be switche off like a light and turned into platonic ones. So CUT CONTACT with the ex and when you feel sufficient time has passed where you are comfortable enough to be friends with them, then by all means do. But I imagine and I could be wrong, after 4.5 yrs this wont happen, if at all, for some time.


Best of luck and just enjoy being single!

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice, your right I was kind of looking to hear that its ok. But also I am worried that I am moving on to quickly/easily? Well I say move on I am still totally in love with the ex. For the most part I am enjoying it, although I do feel bad about it when I'm sober, kinda like I'm cheating or something.

Its hard to cut all contact because we had such a mutual break up no fighting or anything like that, I've never broken up with someone on good terms before! I think he thinks we'll just pick up where we left off whenever I go home, but that really doesnt seem likely as it'll prob be 2 yrs before I even think about going home and I think thats a long time, we'll both have changed a lot.

I'm rambling now!!

IrishEyes19

You're not a slut, OP. It's such a horrible term,

what you are I think though is hurting from being out of a relationship and using these meaningless nights with other guys to fill that space.
Most people will tell you enjoy being single, you are doing nothing wrong as long as you arent hurting anyone or yourself. And thats true. But I think your own behaviour is hurting you, as you wouldnt be posting here about it, and you seem ashamed of it. Something tells me this casual way isnt your thing at all. Maybe slow down and just go out and chat away to someone, and see where it goes. you'll feel more respect for yourself I think in the end. take care

R.D. aka MR.D

I found that when i came out of my LTR I was getting with guys just to kind of prove a point to myself. It was mostly due to the fact that I was obsessed with moving on before him.

But your doing nothing wrong unless you feel bad about it.

I agree with others that say stop contact if it is leading you to be destructive.

Miss Fluff

goodgirlgonebad wrote: »

I do really really really miss my ex and if I stop to think about him for more then a few mins my heart really aches. We are still texting every day and he calls me most days as well. It was a mutual break up, we want different things right now but we are both still in love with each other.

But its strange I've been in a relationship for so long is it weird that I seem to have 'moved on' so quickly?

I think you may be slightly misguided in that you perhaps want to believe that you get over someone by "getting under" someone else. You're obviously deeply hurt over the recent break up and rather than you having a "stop to think" you're going from one ONS to the next. I think no strings sex can be great fun, especially after a long-term monogamous relationship, but not if you're emotionally fragile which you obviously are.

How about taking a little time about, even a month, say to yourself you're going to get your head together and forget about guys totally for a while and have fun with your girlfriends and then you may be in a better headspace to decide what you actually want?

And no you're not a slut. You are however accountable for your own behaviour. If having multiple partners you do need to protect yourself so make sure you stay safe and don't take unnecessary risks.

IrishEyes19

Miss Fluff wrote: »

I think you may be slightly misguided in that you perhaps want to believe that you get over someone by "getting under" someone else. You're obviously deeply hurt over the recent break up and rather than you having a "stop to think" you're going from one ONS to the next. I think no strings sex can be great fun, especially after a long-term monogamous relationship, but not if you're emotionally fragile which you obviously are.

How about taking a little time about, even a month, say to yourself you're going to get your head together and forget about guys totally for a while and have fun with your girlfriends and then you may be in a better headspace to decide what you actually want?

And no you're not a slut. You are however accountable for your own behaviour. If having multiple partners you do need to protect yourself so make sure you stay safe and don't take unnecessary risks.

agreed, and meaningless nights unless you are truly happy just leave an empty void, OP. Unless you are truly over your ex and happy to be this casual, it just hurts the next morning when you think back, and realise you are where you started. Deal with getting over the ex first I think. And maybe break the contact with him. you dont seem to be healing while talking to him.

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

I think you may be slightly misguided in that you perhaps want to believe that you get over someone by "getting under" someone else. You're obviously deeply hurt over the recent break up and rather than you having a "stop to think" you're going from one ONS to the next. I think no strings sex can be great fun, especially after a long-term monogamous relationship, but not if you're emotionally fragile which you obviously are.

How about taking a little time about, even a month, say to yourself you're going to get your head together and forget about guys totally for a while and have fun with your girlfriends and then you may be in a better headspace to decide what you actually want?

And no you're not a slut. You are however accountable for your own behaviour. If having multiple partners you do need to protect yourself so make sure you stay safe and don't take unnecessary risks.

You have kinda sumed me up I think. I know I am not over him in the slightest but I am trying to distract myself. I cant really just go out with friends, we moved to a diff country together and he has gone home. I dont have many friends here but I am working on it, I got a girls number last night! I do like meeting new guys and the attention but I do feel bad the morning having ONS's its not me so I think I'll stop that part. I think I need to re-realise that not all men are that nice and will try to use a drunk easy girl!

Thanks

Sleepy

goodgirlgonebad wrote: »

I think I need to re-realise that not all men are that nice and will try to use a drunk easy girl!

Thanks

That's a misandrist statement. You're using the men you sleep with on a one-night-stand every bit as much as they're using you (or perhaps even more if some of these guys would like to see you again?).

DOBBER112

Can I get your number?

Muh haw haw!



But in all seriousness you're single and entitled to live your life whatever way you want, as long as you're not hurting anybody I see no harm. To be honest thats single life and anybody I know who is involved is kinda envious of the freedom to do what you like when you like so enjoy being young and having your fun just be responsible and make sure you play safe

Ickle Magoo

DOBBER112, I see you are a newly registered poster. Please be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

Before posting in PI again, please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter and abide by them.

Many thanks.
Ickle

DOBBER112

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

DOBBER112, I see you are a newly registered poster. Please be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

Before posting in PI again, please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter and abide by them.

Many thanks.
Ickle

Apologies, I see my feeble attempt at humor has offended the forum rules.
I retract my last comment.
That is all...

HavingCrack

OP, have you realised that the only person who thinks that you're a 'slut' (whatever that even means, seems to be any girl who has sex these days) is yourself?

If having casual sex bothers you so much, just stop. If it doesn't bother you, stay safe and have fun.

Moomoo1

I think you posted on here before, prior to your bf leaving?

I do think you should wait a bit before going off with guys - it's not nice to the guy you broke up with if you are in someone else's bed the next day after he left. Also it just complicates life for you unneccessarily.

thecookingapple

Look what your doing is normal, your single, young and most people go through this stage, if it makes you unhappy then that is a problem, i will not use the term you described yourself with as i dont think anyone is, people are human and humans like interactions, just be safe, be happy and life will be ok.

Good Luck.

HugoDrax

Moomoo1 wrote: »

I think you posted on here before, prior to your bf leaving?

I do think you should wait a bit before going off with guys - it's not nice to the guy you broke up with if you are in someone else's bed the next day after he left. Also it just complicates life for you unneccessarily.

The OP does not have to apologize for her behavior just because her ex is not with anybody since they broke up.

If he isn't with anybody that's his lookout. Life goes on.

He doesn't own her.

Moomoo1

HugoDrax wrote: »

The OP does not have to apologize for her behavior just because her ex is not with anybody since they broke up.

If he isn't with anybody that's his lookout. Life goes on.

He doesn't own her.

I think that if you've spent 4.5 years with someone you do own a small part of them, like it or not. At least for the next few years.

if someone broke up with you (supposedly mutually) and then went off with other people it sort of suggests less than flattering things about their strength of feeling towards you...

Partizan

OP, its your life, so get out there and have fun. if you want no strings attached sex, its your business. But protect yourself.

Besides, sex is fun.

LegacyUser

I have stopped having casual relationships

Someone said I used the guys just as much as they used me, ya kinda true. But I did give my number and heard nothing back. But look, I am aware that not hearing from the other person is just a part of casual relationships (sometimes).

I have stopped because I was only with these guys to fill the void. Which in the morning hurts even more. Things took a turn for the worse with my ex, not very nasty just a bit painful and it has really slammed home that we are over. And since then I have copped onto myself.

I'm not saying one night stand are bad or that people that have are. But there not for me. I think I just need to grieve, I think thats the right word?

Thanks again for the advice

Rufus the brave

I feel sorry for people that went out with the one girl all the way through college. College is all about fumbling around in girl's bedsits and drunken shags. Leave the relationship stuff till after that.

Nothing at all strange about what you're going through. Your life has probably been a bit too safe and boring.