Should I ask her out?

LegacyUser

Hi. Guy, 27, here. there is a girl who works in a local bookshop where I frequent and I am thinking about asking her out. I almost did today, worked out what I was gonna say, but i chickened out at the last second.. I have spoken to her a few times, she seems like a nice girl, attractive etc.

The thing is, maybe Im starting to get old or something, Im not 100% sure if I really really want to. I got this nagging self doubt or whatever it is that I only want to ask her out because I'm feeling lonely of late. My last relationship ended 4 years ago, and since then I said to myself that I wouldnt get into another serious relationship until I was well into my 30's and had a clearer I idea of where i was going in my life. That was part of the reason the PR broke up as I was jumping from pillar to post Changing jobs, travelling, going back to college etc and being non-committal. I dont want to ask a girl out cos I'm lonely or want a date, I want to ask someone out because i want a serious relationship when the time comes and I'm unsure if I'm ready for that yet. I dont want to hurt someone, waste their time or let them down again. I want the next time to be THE one.

I know its putting the cart before the horse, when she mightened even say yes but its bothering me. At the same time Im thinking I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and that I should just go for it. I know its not relationship crisis of the century but can anyone understand where Im coming from?

LegacyUser

Hi there, totally get where you're coming from. A guy has recently been asking for my number (when he has drinks on him). I've been quite reticent as I can't imagine being with him long term and I don't think I can do the fling thing anymore. (couple of years out of long-term relationship). He does seem to be a nice guy though and I really don't know him all that well.

Couple of weeks ago, some people in work were talking about 'dating' and relationships and one girl said that the whole point of going out with people was to get to know them and see if you wanted to be with each other or not. That was a bit of a revelation to me, as I've never been with someone that I wasn't sure I wanted to sleep with or have a relationship with. Anyway I gave the guy my number, haven't heard from him yet, but that's neither here nor there. I do wonder if going out with him would be unfair as I'm not sure if I want to be with him or not.

I think the point I'm trying to make is that if you keep yourself for someone special, you might never find anyone, as you're so far out of the game, you don't know how to connect with someone when the time comes. A woman in work, close to retirement, separated in her 30s and always assumed that a prince would come and sweep her off her feet. It never happened and she says it's because she closed herself off. Ask the girl out. You don't know where it will end up. You don't even know if she will say yes or no, but at least you will have reached out.

IrishEyes19

I say go for it, OP. Every relationship is going to be a risk regardless. You're going to know she's the one until you've dated for at least a few months, so what are you waiting for. Give it a shot. See where it goes. Have to risk getting hurt sometimes, I know it's horrible. But its part of life. If you stand back for the risk of letting something down, or getting rejected. you'll avoid the best parts of your life, and might even miss out on someone great. so just take a chance with this girl.

tan11ie

OP the "one" is not going to come knocking on the door. Even if she did I'm sure it would take a bit of getting to know one another before you both realised you had a special something.

Ask the girl on a date and see where it goes, sure you might just have some fun... even if she dosen't turn out to be the one

LegacyUser

Yes.

HugoDrax

There is no such thing as the 'one.'
It is just sheer accident that you were not born on another side of the world and that in this alternate reality you never saw this girl before and you are happily married with some other woman.
When you think about it potentially you could meet a thousand other different women and you could marry each and every one of them in a thousand different alternate universes and have happy or unhappy marriages with them in a thousands different variations.
She is not the 'one' - she is merely a girl you got talking to and are attracted to because you overlooked the girl at the other side of the book shop with her head in the cookery section or because on bus home you did not talk to the girl two rows back who you never noticed or the girl who lives around the corner from where you live who you haven't bumped into because you didn't take up jogging in the same park where she does.
The 'one' is a romantic myth.
You might pine away thinking about this girl and after the months pass pluck up the courage to ask her out only to find out she is a lesbian or a horrible person or already has a long term boyfriend.
In the time you wasted you could have dated a dozen other women after which you might have forgotten completely about the 'one.'
So if you want to save time just go over and ask her out and find out right now if she is interested.
You are needlessly torturing yourself and denying yourself opportunities with other women potentially a more suitable woman while you are stalling focusing on the 'one.'