Feeling a bit lost

LegacyUser

I'm not really sure why I'm posting here to be honest. Partially to vent, I guess. Hopefully some of you can give me some new perspective anyway...

I'm 20, in the second year of a course I'm not really very interested in and only took because I thought it might be easy enough (being related to some hobbies of mine). The last 2 semesters I haven't had any motivation to work at all, and I failed all my classes in winter. I seem set on course to do the same this summer.... I know I just need to suck it up and do my assignments, go to classes, do a bit of revision etc, but I seem to lack the push I need.

Then there's my social life - ie non-existent for the most part. I see my old friends from school at most once a week, and I don't have any new friends from college. My old friends have made plenty of new ones, gone on trips away with them, go out regularly enough with them and see them all the time. I stay at home almost all the time, wasting my life away. I feel like I'm standing on the sidelines, watching other people live their lives but not actually playing the game (so to speak) myself. I'm still pretty close to some of my school friends but I'm kinda jealous of them too.

As for money... I have none. We get no government assistance because we're just below the cut off point, but myself and my sister are both in college and money is tight. No matter how hard I search for jobs, applying for anything and everything, I don't hear a word from anyone. Not even a whisper of a rejection letter, let alone call for interview. My parents are stretched pretty thin and constantly at me to find work, insinuating that I'm not trying or not looking properly. There's also a small amount of difficulty at home because my 12 year old brother has a somewhat serious medical condition and isn't getting information/feedback from the hospital regarding surgery he needs. I never feel comfortable in my house, and I desperately want to move out. But where can I go if I have no money???

I also have a major hang-up over my weight - I'm about 4.5 stone heavier than I should be and it's gradually creeping up and up and up. I've tried dieting (healthily fwiw, with a 1-2 lb loss per week aim), regular exercise and none of it sticks. I could do perfectly for a short while but then lapse back into my lazy ways again. I have no sticking power. I can't seem to keep the momentum up for any length of time at all.


It also bothers me that I have no romantic interests in my life at the moment either. I'm not happy in myself and I'm not deluded enough to think that I could even consider getting remotely involved with anyone when I don't have my sh*t in order first, but even so.... I miss the physical intimacy. I haven't had a boyfriend in over 2 years now, and I've only kissed 1 guy since (which was almost a year ago). You know what I'd kill for? A hug. It's been a long time since I've had even a hug from a guy. I'm beyond plain looking. My looks certainly don't attract attention. I just kinda wish that I'd sometimes see someone checking me out. It'd be nice.

So yeah, as you can see I don't actually have any particular problem as such. More like an accumulation of stuff that's getting to me. In a bit of a rut really. Writing this all out it seems so childish (1st world problems, much?) but I do want some opinions anyway. Where do I start in fixing everything? Sometimes I think "Sort your health out first, it's all you'll ever have." but then I think "There's only 2 weeks of college left before exams, concentrate on those first and then everything else..."

I guess I'm asking: Where do I go from here?

Fentdog84

As for the college, my advice is just hang in there. Dont worry about the xmas fails I assume you can repeat those in the Autumn? Listen it often feels like the rest of the world is having a better time than u are but very often the opposite is truth. There is a lot of people in the same boat. Go for plenty walks to clear your head from the studying. Plus it might help you with the weight and you never know you might meet someone that way. You dont have to go out get blind drunk, spend loads of money to meet someone. There are other ways. Chin up.