confused by boys

LegacyUser

met a guy a few weeks ago at a party, at first I thought he was just chatting to be friendly but then he asked me for a drink, then back to his. we spent the weekend together and there was serious chemistry, though no sex. the following weekend we met up and after spending the day together, again he invited me to his, had sex, which was great, then he basically asked me to leave with a very awkward 'uhhhh so, what now...are u going home?'....I took the hint and he walked me home. at the time I just figured well it's a sunday evening and he's lots to do, but looking back I'm not so sure it was the nicest thing for him to do. I didn't expect any further contact as he left it just at 'bye'...but then the following weekend he got in touch, and has been ever since.

so here's my problem, the guy is quite cold physically wtih me - the first weekend, I held his hand and he seemed awkward and never ventured first. then in subsequent meetings all he has done is kiss me hello, and goodbye (just a peck on the lips) but no kisses in between. He DOES put his arm around me now, and acts like a gentleman by taking my bag etc but I just can't figure out what he's doing or what he wants....I don't know him well enough to just straight out say anything but it's at the stage where when we're out together, which he seems to enjoy, and I make a sort of move by maybe jostling him or mess fighting or even sitting really close to him........nothing! I feel rejected....but why then does he keep kissing me hello and inviting me to do stuff with him if he's not interested? I'm kind of fed up, cos I'm really attracted to him. Is it time to just stop replying to his texts, which seems a bit rude, but I also don't want a scene by asking him 'oh hey, are u attracted to me at all'

IrishEyes19

OP, I have a feeling, he's just looking for a sexual relationship to be honest. It just seems that way to me.

Virgil°

Have to say i agree with the above he seems to be just after sex. And what i can take from your post is that you aren't. You could ask him if he wants a committed relationship. Something tells me,with his cold demeanor, it probably won't go well for you but theres always a chance.
And yes if he doesn't want the same thing as you the best thing you can do is stop contacting him.
All the best.

HugoDrax

Why don't you just ask him if just wants sex or if he wants a relationship?
You are not going to find out any other way unless you ask him.

Fentdog84

Sounds like to me that he's not sure if he's fully into you yet. Give him a bit more time(not too long) and then ask him how he feels about you.
Another reason might be that he is not big on displaying affection, publicly( a lot of guys arent) or privately(well that could be a problem). All fella are different, just cos you might had wrestling games on the couch with a previous bf dosent mean that every guy would be into that..

R.D. aka MR.D

Is there any chance that he is inexperienced and shy?

Maybe he hasn't had a girlfriend before and is a little unsure what to do?

LegacyUser

well that's the thing - if he was just looking for sex, why hasn't he tried to have sex with me since???? We've met up on about four occasions for a walk/climb but he hasn't tried anything physical or invited me to his.....just a kiss on the lips for hello and bye and now he puts his arm around me when we're walking.

we even went to my house for lunch, and he didn't even sit beside me on the couch until we both had to use the internet.....I then tried to put my hand on his leg and no response, and he moved away after.

yes he's had girlfriends - the first night at his house there were a load of pictures on his desk and I asked who they were and they were of an ex...so I don't think it's inexperience.

I don't want to ask him because i only know him a few weeks and I would be really embarressed about looking clingy or desperate by asking...I'd rather just leave it..I just find it hard to drop things with this guy cos I can't decide what he wants....if it was just sex, why hasn't he looked for more...if it was just friends, why continue to kiss me hello and meet up......

A19B1C12

Give him time, maybe he's just not into hand holding and all that in public and he may be nervous..

I know I wouldn't be the biggest fan of it but I wouldn't reject someone if they tried either, would be a bit mean.

CDfm

Yup with the ask him brigade.

Not everyone is touchy feely but if you do like him why not ask him for a date -like for lunch and subtley ask him what his plans are for say the weekend/week/next weekend.

You can then get an idea if they include you.

Communication is a both way thing. So you need to give him the opportunity to talk.

Oh and asking someone their intentions by text is so crass if you are having sex. You would not buy a car or rent a house by text -so why do this by text.

tan11ie

He sounds like way too much work tbh. Why would you want to get into a relationship with a guy that seems unemotional and cold? I think it's obovious that he is attracted to you but it may be that he is only interested in sex and trying to keep his distance emotionally.

Remember it takes two to tango - if you have to make all the moves and effort then think twice!

Kevin Duffy

guyproblem wrote: »

there were a load of pictures on his desk and I asked who they were and they were of an ex...so I don't think it's inexperience.

I think this is the problem. If he's keeping a load of pictures on display, he hasn't let go of her and has some distance to go in dealing with the baggage. He needs to get closure on the old relationship before you have a hope of making a new one.

LegacyUser

kevin- there was a pile of snapshots on his desk, of other people too, I'm not sure why there were there, possibly he was cleaning out his room...who knows...but it did cross my mind, but I don't want to jump to conclusions as they could have been just sitting there for any reason, they weren't on display

CDFM I've no intention of asking by text - my comment was that I was thinking of ignoring his texts if I got a general response here that it's not worth pursuing. I've asked him for dinner before and he went, and has invited me out for walks/beers but always day time activities that don't lead to anything physical.

tan - if it was a case of only wantign sex and not getting emotionally involved then I'm very confused why he keeps meeting up with me and not making any moves. Whilst he does make an effort to meet up, and the time we did have sex he made the first move....it's been fairly cold physically since then.....you're probably right, why bother when it's so much effort already.......I don't like guys taht are this cool about getting intimate...I like affection, and so far he's been very unforthcoming. perhaps he's trying to be a gentleman and 'date' me, but I still need to know he's interested, and so far it's just been too tame and I feel like he's not attracted to me

Kevin Duffy

guyproblem wrote: »

kevin- there was a pile of snapshots on his desk, of other people too, I'm not sure why there were there, possibly he was cleaning out his room...who knows...but it did cross my mind, but I don't want to jump to conclusions as they could have been just sitting there for any reason, they weren't on display

Fair enough, you could well be right and you know more than I do, but I'll stick with my guess. I think I might have photos of some exes somewhere, but in the attic. If I was getting rid of them, it'd be attic to bin, not left lying around somewhere I was going to bring a new partner to. I'm also basing my guess on his behaviour, the photos are just something that jumped out for me.

Might be worth your while finding out how long they were together and how recently it ended, or if it ended badly. Not to pry, he's entitled to his privacy, but to make an educated decision on where he might be in the moving on and if it has a bearing on his behaviour.

LegacyUser

He could be still into his ex and using you to try to make her jealous or show her he can get a girl-type-of-thing.

LegacyUser

I think maybe he's just not sure about what he wants. It doesn't sound like he just wants sex, he's dating you and surely would be inititiating sex all the time if that was it.
Maybe he's worried about leading you on and that's why it comes across as a bit hot and cold....he could be worried that you'll overanalyse his affections.
It seems to me that he likes you but wants to be sure before getting into a relationship with you. Just what stirkes me anyway!

LegacyUser

thanks kevin, I've already kind of come to the conclusion like yourself, that there might be a recent ex....it would explain the lack of intimacy, the really slow pace of things so far and the photo's are a bit dodgy.

I'm not sure if I'll bring it up....we don't really talk about anything emotional, more that we hang out and it would feel very awkward to bring it up......and if he's a bit unsure about getting involved like AnIdea says, it might freak him out

that said, I want to know what the story is.....how can I do that without sitting down and saying 'oh hey, why don't u want to have sex with me?'...cringe!