Bullying

LegacyUser

Hey

Could anyone let me know if they have experienced passive bullying in the work place.

I say passive because what I am experiencing from two women at work has not been outright name calling or anything. I am not sure if bullying is the right word either. Maybe intimidation or something.

Woman A is a newly appointed assistant supervisor in a team of about 12.
Woman B is just a regular worker but has been with the company for like 10 years.

Anyway- Ill describe what's been happening over the last few months.

I sit beside woman A but she never makes conversation with me- you know the usual general chatting "hey, how was your weekend" type of stuff". She does this with everyone else. There's just complete silence 8 hours a day, which I find kind of weird.

I've caught woman A staring at me with a really intimidating expression on her face, stony faced, I would call it, when I walk to and from my desk.

Woman A also does other stuff- but Its hard to explain in writing (now I sound paranoid and crazy)

Recently woman B walked up to my desk and in full ear shot of everyone in my team and the other departments surrounding us, gave me a huge lecture about a trivial detail that I had made an error with, relating to one piece of work I completed (she put the old- Im just trying to help you by bringing this to your attention spin on it). For the record, there have been no problems with the other 99.99% of my work.

Sometimes we have to ring other departments to get clarification on issues. I made a call like this one day last week and ended up talking to woman b's boyfriend ( he works in another team). I had to make a follow up call to him about the same issue (so 2 phone calls in total basically) and she calls me up- telling me that I shouldn't be bothering Mr x all the time because hes not the only person in that team.

In general I find their tones very condescending and Im really getting sick of it. I have been trying to figure out in my head why they could be having a problem with me. Im 20 and they are mid thirties, Im bottom of the food chain so Im not competition re promotion or anything- I've only worked with the company for a few months. Ive never had an issue with female co-students/workers before so I am unsure how to handle it.

I just don't understand what could drive people to be so nasty. Do they not feel guilty for doing it or do they not realise the impact they have on others ?

If anyone who has had a similar experience could share advice that would be great

Thanks

X1R

Just as matter of interest I am going to throw a few thoughts out there:

1: Would you/they consider you as attractive?
2: Do they know you or your activities outside of work?
3: Are you the newest menber of the team?

JC.

missyb

HI I am actually in a similar situation however I am currently making plans to move on, saving every penny i can also so I can walk when the time comes or leave for another job, even better! I have been in my job 2 and a half years, I work in a small marketing company and 2 of the woman more senior than me have ruined my confidence, it is very difficult to describe passive agressive bullying. It unreasonable requests, dirty looks, condecending emails and phone calls, making it as awkward as possible to take annual leave at any time, smart comments, a huge deal over simple mistakes and no acknowledgement of work done well (not that I need a constant pat on the back). I also know for a fact that the woman have bitched about me and with held information from me that they were requrested to share regarding specific jobs. HR in our company doesnt exist so I never had that option. Some people use the excuse that a manager looking for you to do your job is now considered bullying but let me tell you I have never missed a deadline or had any problem working late when necessary or helping out with particular projects. All I can say to you is, focus on who will be giving you your reference in that job (try and source one from anyone other that these women)and ensure that you have done all in your power to get a good one. I am lucky I will get a decent reference as they all come from the CEO directly and I know he is happy with my work. I can by pass the women who have upset me so much.I dont know if it is worth staying in that situation, how about making plans to move on? I know its hard but you could give yourself a deadline to leave, save all your money, go to a temp job if you have to and then plan your move from there, to give you breathing space. Is there any HR you could speak to in the meantime? I would also disarm these woman by being very professional and nice at all times, I do that, even though I am really upset by how things have turned out. However dont be afraid to pull them up when necessary, as in any smart comments made underneath their breath say "sorry could you repeat that I didnt catch you" that takes the wind out of their sails. Remember this is their problem not yours, It will take a long time for me to rebuild my confidence but I am determined to get to a better place. Do what you can to make things better but dont be afraid to leave, even if for a while its a lower paid job, your health is worth it.

I am also interested in the X1R's comments about being new or attractive or something you do outside work causing conflict, my boss found out about hobby of mine and I actually think she held it against me, I never talk about it now even though I still do it for fun. So I think the observations from X1R are astute.

X1R

Thanks for that MissyB.
I have gone through hell and back (have a look at some other posts) and I have learned alot about people and their issues relating to me, my family, religion, hobbies and even the way I look ??
(I am not exactly a male model :rolleyes:).
The reasons that a work mate can take a dislike are both incredible and insaine. The best of luck to the both of ye what ever ye decide to do .
JC

Rhys Essien

I had similar problem such that I was getting hassle from lads in their mid thirties when I was between 18-20.I did nothing to warrant any of their sh*t.I now realise that it was obviously **** wrong with their lives and I was the easy target.
Next time they overstep the mark, ask them how old they are and do they feel good giving you grief.That should hit home to them.All the best.

krd

passive bullying in the work place wrote: »

I just don't understand what could drive people to be so nasty. Do they not feel guilty for doing it or do they not realise the impact they have on others ?

There is a very complicated reason why some people get great pleasure from being nasty. They just do. These people will do these things without provocation. Where you might feel guilt for doing something bad, they feel pleasure.

Diom

"passive bullying in the work place", I would recommend the "killing with kindness" approach... really effective against these kinds of people who need to run down someone who seems "better" than themselves (in your case you are younger). The idea is that these people are attacking you out of a sense of their own worthlessness. So you give them worth, by making them the stars of the show.

For example Woman B who came over to point out your mistake... buy her some flowers and say thanks to her for helping you settle in, and tell her you were embarrassed to have made the mistake, but you appreciate that she handled it so nicely. For Woman A, compliment her on something nearly every day. Make it something you genuinely believe... you can find something nice to say I'm sure.

This is a bit counter-intuitive I know, but really what is bothering these people is the fact that they think that you think that you are better than they are. They need to run you down to feel better about themselves, so by helping them recover their own self-worth you are not only helping yourself but you really are helping these 2 women as well. Win win, but it's a tough road and will require some swallowing of pride as these women continue to "help you" by showing you your flaws... good luck

ScriptGirl

one word - jealousy


whatever form it is, that is all it is.

Its unfortunate that this is the case but that kind of bullying (which is exactly what it is) will never end, if it stops with Woman A , Woman B will come along and start. In every job throughout your life these people will exist.

Women are built that way, some show it, others don't

The best advise anyone can give you is to rise above it (easier said then done)
Unless it begins to affect your work- that's another story.

I do hope it stops for you, there is nothing worse.

Throw in a compliment every now and then - even if it is fake. "great top" or whatever.

Be confident in yourself.

greenhib

Can't wait to write here once I'm free and safe and sound at home - where its real and I hope where people can't get away with bullying to revamp their self esteem by riding on your back.

berger89

Not that it should matter as such, but are you male or female?
If you're female, I would think that most of it has to do with jealousy.

If you're male..I don't really know then!
Are you the newest member of the team? Sometimes people don't like change and maybe they think you're stepping on their "territory'?
Either way, they sound like right nasty witches

Oh I just realised that post was from 2011!!! Hope everything turned out OK for you!

passive bullying in the work place wrote: »

Hey

Could anyone let me know if they have experienced passive bullying in the work place.

I say passive because what I am experiencing from two women at work has not been outright name calling or anything. I am not sure if bullying is the right word either. Maybe intimidation or something.

Woman A is a newly appointed assistant supervisor in a team of about 12.
Woman B is just a regular worker but has been with the company for like 10 years.

Anyway- Ill describe what's been happening over the last few months.

I sit beside woman A but she never makes conversation with me- you know the usual general chatting "hey, how was your weekend" type of stuff". She does this with everyone else. There's just complete silence 8 hours a day, which I find kind of weird.

I've caught woman A staring at me with a really intimidating expression on her face, stony faced, I would call it, when I walk to and from my desk.

Woman A also does other stuff- but Its hard to explain in writing (now I sound paranoid and crazy)

Recently woman B walked up to my desk and in full ear shot of everyone in my team and the other departments surrounding us, gave me a huge lecture about a trivial detail that I had made an error with, relating to one piece of work I completed (she put the old- Im just trying to help you by bringing this to your attention spin on it). For the record, there have been no problems with the other 99.99% of my work.

Sometimes we have to ring other departments to get clarification on issues. I made a call like this one day last week and ended up talking to woman b's boyfriend ( he works in another team). I had to make a follow up call to him about the same issue (so 2 phone calls in total basically) and she calls me up- telling me that I shouldn't be bothering Mr x all the time because hes not the only person in that team.

In general I find their tones very condescending and Im really getting sick of it. I have been trying to figure out in my head why they could be having a problem with me. Im 20 and they are mid thirties, Im bottom of the food chain so Im not competition re promotion or anything- I've only worked with the company for a few months. Ive never had an issue with female co-students/workers before so I am unsure how to handle it.

I just don't understand what could drive people to be so nasty. Do they not feel guilty for doing it or do they not realise the impact they have on others ?

If anyone who has had a similar experience could share advice that would be great

Thanks

Mrs OBumble

Ahh, yeah, 2011 ... I think the problem is probably sorted by now. Time to close the thread.