Wife wont touch or even look at mini me!!!

I_Love_Life

I am a happily married man with 2brilliant kids. Everything is good with us in general..
The 1 issue I have is that my wife will not touch, hold or even look at my manhood.
I have never forced her or anything like that, but have suggested it over the last 10years to her. But with no luck....
This might seem a trival question and post but can anybody tell me if they have a similar problem, or have a reason other than "I dont like it" and "I dont like what cums out".
Do some or all women really think like this or is it just my oh?

S23

Sorry let me get this straight because I surely must be missing something. You've been married for ten years and have managed to have two kids but your wife maintains she 'doesn't like' your penis and she 'doesn't like what comes out'?

I_Love_Life

S23 wrote: »

Sorry let me get this straight because I surely must be missing something. You've been married for ten years and have managed to have two kids but your wife maintains she 'doesn't like' your penis and she 'doesn't like what comes out'?

Ya she hasnt touched it in years, she likes the sensation of love making and all that, but as for touching it or putting it into her, absolutely no way will she do that.

We have a ok love life once or twice a week, but when we do it she says she doesnt like the feel of it with her hand, only when its inside her...

LittleBook

Sigh. I always try to tread carefully when it comes to other peoples sex lives and preferences so here goes nothing ... I believe there are some women who find the penis to be quite ugly, but I'll go out on a limb here and say I find it distinctly odd that your wife:

Won't look at your penis
Won't touch your penis
Doesn't like your penis
Doesn't like what comes out of your penis

You seem to be managing well enough with two kids and sex once or twice a week ... to be honest, I can't imagine how though. Is this something you want to change now, after 10 years?

If this is the case, the only thing I can suggest is that you sit her down and talk to her about this issue and how you feel about it. Ask her if she'd be willing to work on getting over her aversion and take it from there ....

S23

Are you asking if this is a regular occurance? I know what qualifies as 'normal' can be up for dispute a lot of the time. However I would reckon it's not too big of a stretch to say that your wife having some kind of penis phobia is not normal and that most women would have no problem touching their OH's penis and wouldn't be in the habit of saying they don't like how it feels or what comes out.

Beyond that I don't really know what you're asking.

common sense brigade

It is not the Norm by any means. But when it comes to what people will or wont do sexually it is a touchy subject. I am married woman and I love my husbands manhood! from my point of view its completely normal and healthy in a relationship to explore each others bodies. I know women though who wont give oral sex or touch their husbands/partners penis. I feel sorry for the husbands.

liah

I gotta say, OP, that's an unusual one. The "doesn't like the stuff that comes out" almost sounds.. infantile, in a way. Not to insult your wife or anything, it's just.. odd.

How far have you gone in terms of asking her what the case is here? Have you tried to explore why she finds it such an extreme turn-off? I mean, yeah, penises aren't always the most beautiful things in the world but this seems an extreme level of repulsion that interferes with your intimacy as a couple.

Just asking because maybe there's some history she has that she doesn't want to talk about? Has she had negative sexual experiences with men in her past that may be related?

Might sound a little extreme but you never know. It's likely that it's just a strange phobia, but it may be worth sitting down with her and having a very honest discussion about the whole thing. Lay out how it makes you feel and see how she responds.

Outside of completely honest communication and possibly counselling (may be a bit extreme if you still have a sex life, depends on why she feels this way and how much it affects you if you want to go down this route), I don't really know what else could be done.

But if you're just wondering if it's normal, and it doesn't actually bother you that much, then it shouldn't matter if it's normal if it's not affecting your relationship with her.

Good luck.

common sense brigade

can i also ask does your wife orgasam with you during sex? do you touch her etc and bring her to orgasam? only asking to see does she enjoy the sexual experience.

LegacyUser

Does mini you smell OP? Are you circumsised? Does your wife have a good sense of smell?

Not being funny but a guys whos bits remotely smell make those with extra good noses for smell want to hurl and be anywhere else. Getting straight to sex means they do not have to smell it.

A possibility along with loads of others but the only way you will really know is to ask her directly.
I dont think it is odd.

Fentdog84

Trade secret, one word- CHOCOLATE

I_Love_Life

common sense brigade wrote: »

can i also ask does your wife orgasam with you during sex? do you touch her etc and bring her to orgasam? only asking to see does she enjoy the sexual experience.

Yes I always touch her and not bull-sh*tting I cant remember a time when she hasnt came from sex. Even if she doesnt feel like sex I always make her orgasam by foreplay, teasing and oral (which she loves). I love the feeling of her and she loves it when I touch her, but I never get "felt up" so to speak!!!

She can have up to four or five organisms when we make love. I would usually have two or three. But mine are always by intercourse.

Its just when she doesnt feel like sex, only foreplay I never get to cum, and it leaves me frustrated. Dont get me wrong I love it when she cums from foreplay, but its a killer when she doesnt return the favour!!!

To respond to another posters comment about her having a bad experience, she just gags when she sees semen!! and hates the look & touch of it...

I_Love_Life

Fentdog84 wrote: »

Trade secret, one word- CHOCOLATE

The choclate has been tried, but still no good!!!

LittleBook

I_Love_Life wrote: »

Its just when she doesnt feel like sex, only foreplay I never get to cum, and it leaves me frustrated. Dont get me wrong I love it when she cums from foreplay, but its a killer when she doesnt return the favour!!!

Sorry, but I wouldn't put up with that for 10 days, never mind 10 years.

Like I said before, I suggest that you sit her down and talk to her about this issue and how you feel about it. Ask her if she'd be willing to work on getting over her aversion and take it from there ....

common sense brigade

Yes I always touch her and not bull-sh*tting I cant remember a time when she hasnt came from sex

well i actually feel sorry for you! your giving her a full sex life and she loves it yet she will not give you the same! women that act like this are a wonder to me. as is obvious you love her very much so only thing i can suggest is you sit down and tell her that it is a little bit of an issure for you and that you love her and could she at least think about giving it a go. make sure your well showered all the time ! for some women it can be a smell issue or something along those lines. not suggessting you have an odour problem! just ask her though why she finds it so distasteful. good luck and as i said i feel for you!

S23

I_Love_Life wrote: »

I have never forced her or anything like that, but have suggested it over the last 10years to her. But with no luck....

I agree with the above posters. However the quote suggests he's tried talking to her to no avail. What I don't understand is what you are here for? It's 10 years in so it's obviously not make or break. Or has it become make or break?

No one here has any miracle solution. Nobody here is going to give you magic words to say that are going to change her mind that 10 years of persuasion couldn't.

All you can do is talk to her. If shes unwilling to work on it, and she may well be since she's gotten away with not reciprocating for a decade, then what are you going to do?

common sense brigade

i will get infracted or cruxified or banned here! but i 100% understand a man having an affair if this is what he has to look forward to at home. your giving her oral and play with her. she lets you climb on top of her twwice a week! its ridiculous. and you do deserve a better sex life. If its gone on ten years then its unlikely she will change but you need to spell it out to her and give her a chance i suppose. i dont understand sometimes how people can act this way. we wil be all dead in the grave a long time. sex is one of the most enjoyable things ever in a relationship. missing out on being with your husband properly and driving him wild with desire is madness to me.

Fentdog84

You make it sound in your post that she is the one who's having the problem which is probably true but have you considered the fact that maybe you are not pushing the right buttons in her? Ask her what her fantasies are or maybe get a sex manual or self help book and work through it, try different things etc..

I_Love_Life

common sense brigade wrote: »

i will get infracted or cruxified or banned here! but i 100% understand a man having an affair if this is what he has to look forward to at home. your giving her oral and play with her. she lets you climb on top of her twwice a week! its ridiculous. and you do deserve a better sex life. If its gone on ten years then its unlikely she will change but you need to spell it out to her and give her a chance i suppose. i dont understand sometimes how people can act this way. we wil be all dead in the grave a long time. sex is one of the most enjoyable things ever in a relationship. missing out on being with your husband properly and driving him wild with desire is madness to me.

I love her to bits and have tried talking about it but its no use, I just annoy her and then I might not get any lovin for a while so have learned not to say to anything...

Twice a week if im very good and lucky!!!:D

I will be honest and say that I have though about gettin some on the side but thats all it is, "a though"...

U have a lucky hubby Common sense brigade, you seem to know what a man wants...

as for the posted asked does my manhood smell!!! Jesus I hope not:D
No im a clean freak... so im always clean and neat

common sense brigade

I will be honest and say that I have though about gettin some on the side but thats all it is, "a though"...

Well even though i could understand why you would i dont think you should as their are children involved here. but its definitely not fair on you. maybe she doesnt realise that it has become an issue for you? sometimes people believe what they want to believe even when the truth is staring them in the face. i wouldnt suggest you argue with her. just approach her in a non argument style way . women in gerneral like discussing problems! again prob be attacked here in a minute from the feminist brigade!

U have a lucky hubby Common sense brigade, you seem to know what a man wants...

oh i dont know about that, im stubborn, bossy, high maintenance and emotional!

I_Love_Life

oh i dont know about that, im stubborn, bossy, high maintenance and emotional![/QUOTE]


Isnt every woman!!! but anyman will put up with it if he gets what he wants in the bedroom:D

Maple

Commonsense brigade, please don't advocate infidelity.

Maple

Kevin Duffy

Why should this be a deal breaker? If you are both happy with the rest of your sex life and relationship, it is only one thing.

Everyone has a list of boundries, likes and dislikes. It's changeable, but by the owner of the boundries, not the other party.

If I posted on here that my partner didn't like some particular sex act that wasn't too mainstream but was great for me, would people be so quick to say I should leave, not put up with it, or get it somewhere else?

Apart from her, who knows what her dislike of it is based on? Whatever it is, it's important enough for her to have avoided it for 10 years.

Personally, this wouldn't bother me. There is so much more to a relationship and a sex life.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

S23

All valid concerns but there's not really a whole lot to be done about it now. I'm not saying people never change or anything like that but 10 years into a relationship a lot of (if not all) parameters and boundaries have already been set.

It's not like the OP can now turn around and say 'wow this is a deal breaker I never knew she was like this'. He's known all along. If this stuff was ever going to be make or break then that should have come to light between them as a couple years ago. It certainly shouldn't all of a sudden become a deciding factor especially past the point where there are now a couple of children involved.

To be honest if I was in a relationship where my OH didn't reciprocate sexually it wouldn't last 2 months nevermind 10 years and there would certainly be no kids involved.

All he can do is talk to her and see if she's open to change. He said he's tried it over the last 10 years and it hasn't worked. Chances are it won't work now because, quite honestly, why would she suddenly have some big change of heart? It isn't something something she finds a very mild irritant. It's something she finds repulsive and has done so for the last decade. I don't see her doing a complete about turn on it.

You knew what she was like long ago OP. Your best chance to remedy matters was back at the formative stages of your realtionship. You chose to accept her behaviour and, to be fair to her, it's not like she hid anything from you.

I don't think it's a good healthy sexual realtionship but you chose to accept this years ago and then you brought kids into the matter to complicate things further. She's just being the woman she always has been. It's hardly a crime on her part.

HugoDrax

Your wife is being incredibly selfish.
But you can't force her to do what you want.
So at the end of the day you are stuck unless this is such a big issue that you want to have an affair with another woman who is more open sexually or if you want to leave her because of it.
If you love her then end of story.
You are just going to have deal with it.

LegacyUser

Ah hold on, you guys.

The first time I saw a penis I found it so hard to hide my reaction - I was supposed to find this thing attractive??? And penises do smell, they have their own penis-smell. And girls are brought up to like things that are pretty and perfumes that smell wonderful, and to go 'yeuch' when they see 'icky' things. I wasn't mind you, but plenty are.

Girls' bits are just as bad I'm sure, if not much worse.

But as they say, looks aren't everything. :-) It's what penises do for me and for my partner that I love, so I love them.

I'd say your wife never had to get past the 'icky' stage. A bit of holding back or deprivation might persuade her to try to turn you on. Maybe while you're giving her oral and she's getting close you could take her hand and place it on your penis. Slow down if she takes it away, after a minute put it back and up the tempo again etc. If she says 'I don't like the feel of it' you just say 'but I do' and put it back... If she wants to come she has to touch you.

Make it part of play, though. Don't start a fight!

LegacyUser

hi OP

Have to agree with most of the posters, your wife does sound a little selfish. I know she has her reasons and is entitled to this. However I am not very fond of the male penis either, but I do touch it, and I always perform oral sex for my partner, as I know this is one of his fav things. I didnt too it too much at the beginning of our relationship, but then I got better and more confident. If I am being honest sometimes I can still gag, and I am not a huge fan of sperm either, but he would do anything to please me, so I return the favour.

Is your wife lazy in bed? Is she not confident enough? have you asked her all this.
You said you are happily married, and seem to enjoy the sex you do have, it would be a shame to throw it away just for that.
Also there is things you can eat and drink that makes the semen taste a little better. Try talk to her again, and just tell her that you do anything she wants, and you want her to touch you.

http://www.semenrate.com/how-to-improve-semen-taste-with-20-tasty-foods/

up for anything

I_Love_Life wrote: »

To respond to another posters comment about her having a bad experience, she just gags when she sees semen!! and hates the look & touch of it...

This to me is the crux of your problem. Not that she is a bad wife who takes and gives nothing and doesn't deserve a husband like you and should be willing do to anything in order to keep you/keep you from straying as seems to be a common theme these days in advice in PI.

Have decent male partners become such a rare commodity that women must do things that go against their grain to keep them especially things that have gone against their grain since the get go!

To be a bit facetious, I don't like mushrooms, either the look, to touch or to eat them, yet if one came up and offered to go down on me I'd be delighted just so long as I didn't have to reciprocate.

Surely this is something you talked about and explored the reasons for in the early days of your relationship and was at that time happy to settle for? It is very difficult to change the goal posts in a relationship, especially one that involves children, if one party is entrenched in their position. If she wasn't a dog person from the very beginning but you were, would you now be willing to upset what seems like a relatively happy marriage in order to bring a dog into the house.

Maybe your best bet is to offload the children for a weekend and get her a bit drunk and see whether she loses some of her dislike and is prepared to give it a go under the influence. Good luck.

Distorted

I_Love_Life wrote: »

I love her to bits and have tried talking about it but its no use, I just annoy her and then I might not get any lovin for a while so have learned not to say to anything...

Twice a week if im very good and lucky!!!:D

I will be honest and say that I have though about gettin some on the side but thats all it is, "a though"...

U have a lucky hubby Common sense brigade, you seem to know what a man wants...

as for the posted asked does my manhood smell!!! Jesus I hope not:D
No im a clean freak... so im always clean and neat

Mmn, the fact that you are so readily willing to admit to thinking about cheating suggests to me that all is not as well in your relationship as you initially suggest. Even if your wife doesn't have all the sexual capabilities you would like, you would hope that after so long together and two children, and still enjoying apparantly a multi-orgasmic regular sex life, you would also respect her as a person and the mother of your children and other aspects of her enough not to contemplate cheating.

Infidelity can be very expensive, and not just emotionally. It also depends on the mutual attractiveness of the people to a relationship - if all a woman has going for her is her sexual skills, then she might be willing to do stuff she pesonally dislikes than a more attractive woman, because she knows she will not get and keep a man otherwise. She might also be the type of woman more willing to consider sex with a married man with children.

Who knows on here why your wife doesn't like touching your penis. To me, I would be suspicious that the pair of you are going through the motions a bit with this relationship. Perhaps she doesn't find you attractive any more but is able to have sex with you as long as she doesn't touch you too intimately. Who knows.

Has she always had this phobia (for want of a better word)? If so, why does it bother you now when it didn't bother you enough in the past to prevent you from getting married and having two children? IMHO readily available internet porn has a lot to answer for. Most women though don't make their living from the porn industry and have individual traits, likes and dislikes. There is no "industry standard" of what they should and should not be doing sexually.

If I were you OP, although its not going to be popular on here to suggest it, adopting the attitude that you are missing out and therefore entitled to fill in the gaps, is going to create far more problems in the long term than a sex life which doesn't fill whatever pre-determined notion you have of it. Can you not simply enjoy what you have and appreciate it?

Silverfish

OP I suggest you take the advice offered in your previous threads on this subject.

Thread closed.