Intimacy & claustrophobia issues?

LegacyUser

Recently I've noticed this little problem, I don't know where it's came from as I've never had any sort of a problem at all with it before, but I've found recently when getting down and intimate I start to get really claustrophobic. It's really only the past two sexual partners I've had that this has been happening. If we're cuddling, kissing etc etc, especially when the guy's on top, I get really quite claustrophic if the kiss goes on for a little while and I have to break it and turn away, normally with a bit of a tactical maneuver and I go for the neck or whatever! But it just worries me that the guys going to take notice of it and take it that I'm not in to it you know? I don't really want to say anything about it, once again incase it's taken the wrong way and maybe he thinks that it's some sort of an excuse or something!

Like I say, I don't have a clue where this has came from as I've never had this issue before. I'm not really a claustrophobic person in general, but I do like my personal space and don't really like people 'invading' my personal space and getting too close and personal in normal everyday life. The personal space thing is also something that has only recently started bothering me, probably only over the past year or so have I noticed it.

I'm just looking for any kind of advice at all here or does anybody have similar issues? I just don't know what to do about it, or how I could go about stopping it being an issue for me. I don't want it to be an issue because really ruins the mood for me, and I don't want to make it an issue for the guy so that he's gonna be thinking "right, been kissing for 30 seconds, must stop for a bit!!" I just imagine it would be a bit of a turn off for him...help anyone??

Fentdog84

Figure out what you like and dont like when it comes to doing it and tell him, sounds like he might be going too fast at the start,ask him to slow down..My guess is you are feeling this way because he is doing something wrong thats not agreeing with you, you need to figure out what that is. However if this has happened with more than one guy its probably something else..

HugoDrax

You should take up yoga or mediation or best of all martial arts because if you do kung fu or karate or judo you are often in full contact with another person and inside their personal space so you can block or grabble or throw them. So if you train for someone to attack you then in any other situation where someone is in your face there is less anxiety because you are used to being in a full contact combat style situation. Every other situation is no hassle by comparison especially being naked and having sex. It's all about absence of mind - you will have stopped thinking and will just act without any anxiety.
So try something like martial arts or if you are not into fighting then try something like tai chi which is essentially all the martial arts moves slowed down which you can practise purely for relaxation.

Another more fun way is to simply have more sex because the more you have the more used to it you will get and when you are used to it you can enjoy it more.

LegacyUser

Figure out what you like and dont like when it comes to doing it and tell him, sounds like he might be going too fast at the start,ask him to slow down..My guess is you are feeling this way because he is doing something wrong thats not agreeing with you, you need to figure out what that is. However if this has happened with more than one guy its probably something else..

I don't think it's any he's doing in particular, at least if it is I can't pinpoint it. The fact that it has been with my 2 most recent partners I've started to notice it happening makes me think that it's not neccessarily anything sexual that's causing it to happen, and that it's maybe coming from my personal space thing...but where that has came from really confuses me as it just seems strange to me that all of a sudden people being a bit too close has begun to bother me. There's nothing that's happened to me that would've caused it to become something that bothers me, it just has for no real reason?
Having said that though, the guy before my current one was quite a lot more smothering in bed than any guy I've ever been with before. He liked to kiss, a lot, like quite literally constantly while we were having sex, and he wasn't what I would call "good" in bed. So maybe it's coming from that a bit.

You should take up yoga or mediation or best of all martial arts because if you do kung fu or karate or judo you are often in full contact with another person and inside their personal space so you can block or grabble or throw them. So if you train for someone to attack you then in any other situation where someone is in your face there is less anxiety because you are used to being in a full contact combat style situation. Every other situation is no hassle by comparison especially being naked and having sex. It's all about absence of mind - you will have stopped thinking and will just act without any anxiety.

Not a bad idea actually! I actually did Ju-jitsu years ago for a while. I can see how it could maybe help with my personal space issue, only thing is I can really afford to start taking up classes or anything

Another more fun way is to simply have more sex because the more you have the more used to it you will get and when you are used to it you can enjoy it more.

It's not like I'm not! I love sex, I have quite a high libido and I'd say I've probably about your average sexual experience for someone my age (mid 20's), which is just the thing, I do enjoy sex, but recently this issue has been somewhat ruining it a bit for me.