Break up help - How do I get over him faster? :(

quincebolis

My boyfriend broke up with me last week and I've been really struggling. We dated for over two years and he was my first serious relationship - though not his. We're both twenty one and while I never expected to be with him together I thought we still had sometime left.

I always used to slag characters in movies when they were ridiculously OTT after a break up but I never realised how intensely painful it is. I've been really sick since it happened and I think it's probably partly psychosomatic - I couldn't get out of bed for two days - and I really need to shape up and get over it because I have exams coming up in a month and I can't afford to fail.

We're still friends, and I don't know if this makes things better or worse. I've had friends who broke up and ended up in this weird, complicated friends/lovers thing for months and I don't want that kind of heart ache. But I can't seem to let him go. Just talking to him or texting him about absolutely nothing makes me feel better - I don't know why. My mood switches from feeling okay to just crying over absolutely nothing, and I don't know how much more of it I can handle.

I haven't really talked about to my friends because I don't feel close enough to any of them to be able to. We started dating at the beginning of college and since then I've drifted apart from alot of my secondary school friends (going to different colleges/countries etc) and I'm not close enough to anyone in college to share how I'm feeling. In all honesty he was my best friend too which is a cliche but it makes this even harder.

He isn't going through this at all. I've seen him around college and he just seems fine while inside my heart is being ripped apart. I want to talk to him and I know I can't. I just want to get over this so I can focus on exams instead of bursting into tears over my notes constantly. I feel like my life is falling apart and thinking like that makes me feel even more pathetic for being such a loser.

I don't know what to do. I'm normally a really happy person and right now I'm miserable - and I can't afford to be I really need to study. Help how did you get over someone you loved who doesn't love you back anymore

IrishEyes19

I know the feeling you're describing, OP, it really feels like your world has ended and all motivations disappear. But the good thing is, the world hasn't ended and the pain does end. It takes a while though.

I dont really like the staying friends aspect of it. Only because in the past for me, it led to a brief getting back together or meetings, that ended up in tears again.
What about your parents or siblings. Maybe talking to your mother or a close female relative. I know it seems embarassing or that they wont understand, but you'll find the they'll know exactly what you are going through.

Your exams are very important too. You wouldnt want to fail them over a guy who is acting like nothing is happening. At the end of the day, if you fail your exams, it wont bring him back either. So as hard as it is, try to study a bit for them. I know it hurts like hell, but you'll regret it otherwise.

Single life can now be a good time to get closer to your friends too, as you've mentioned you've no very close female friends.

I would certainly attempt the no contact rule, OP, merely not as a way to get him back, but as a way to get over him. Having him in full view only evokes memories and its very painful to see them moving on, especially if you are not, and they start dating again, which could likely happen.

I know you want to get back with him, but often I think its the rejection that hurts the most, than the actual person. It does get better, it takes a lot of time and moving on, but it certainly does. But frist hand experience of my own says, unless you are very strong, keeping him in the picture will be very difficult. Wishing you the best of luck

regress

What you are going through is normal and natural. You'll get over it with time. However the most important thing you have to do to let the healing process begin is CUT CONTACT. To continue being "friends" now will be fine for him but will just prolong the agony for you. So don't text or talk to him and avoid going anywhere you might see him.

Fentdog84

Watch a funny film, listen to uplifting music, hang out with friends, do something you enjoy or makes you happy.

I feel for you OP. I broke up with my first LTB a few months ago and the first few weeks were hell - like I had no appetite at all and was on an almost entirely liquid diet for the first couple of weeks - and like you, I felt that people who went on this way were being over dramatic - it was only when I was in the situation myself that I understood.
I feel much better now, but knowing that i'd be ok after a few months had passed didn't help me then.

All I can recommend is to keep busy - I watched loads of tv shows and films and read loads of books to keep my mind off him and be sure to see your friends as much as you can. I didn't have many friends in my area as I went to college elsewhere but I have become much closer to my 'sort-of' friends and now I wouldn't be without them!

I wish you the best of luck.

SheRa

quincebolis wrote: »

My boyfriend broke up with me last week and I've been really struggling. We dated for over two years and he was my first serious relationship - though not his. We're both twenty one and while I never expected to be with him together I thought we still had sometime left.

I always used to slag characters in movies when they were ridiculously OTT after a break up but I never realised how intensely painful it is. I've been really sick since it happened and I think it's probably partly psychosomatic - I couldn't get out of bed for two days - and I really need to shape up and get over it because I have exams coming up in a month and I can't afford to fail.

We're still friends, and I don't know if this makes things better or worse. I've had friends who broke up and ended up in this weird, complicated friends/lovers thing for months and I don't want that kind of heart ache. But I can't seem to let him go. Just talking to him or texting him about absolutely nothing makes me feel better - I don't know why. My mood switches from feeling okay to just crying over absolutely nothing, and I don't know how much more of it I can handle.

I haven't really talked about to my friends because I don't feel close enough to any of them to be able to. We started dating at the beginning of college and since then I've drifted apart from alot of my secondary school friends (going to different colleges/countries etc) and I'm not close enough to anyone in college to share how I'm feeling. In all honesty he was my best friend too which is a cliche but it makes this even harder.

He isn't going through this at all. I've seen him around college and he just seems fine while inside my heart is being ripped apart. I want to talk to him and I know I can't. I just want to get over this so I can focus on exams instead of bursting into tears over my notes constantly. I feel like my life is falling apart and thinking like that makes me feel even more pathetic for being such a loser.

I don't know what to do. I'm normally a really happy person and right now I'm miserable - and I can't afford to be I really need to study. Help how did you get over someone you loved who doesn't love you back anymore

It mightnt feel like it, but what you are feeling is very natural and normal after a breakup. It sounds like not only are you heartbroken, but you are giving yourself a hard time for feeling that way. Please dont.

Dont second guess how he is feeling. Even though I get the impression that he broke up with you, he could be hurting just as much as you. Im not saying that to give you false hope that you will get back together, but I dont want you going down the road of "well I must have meant nothing to him", its very destructive for you.

Of course talking to him makes things feel better, theres nothing weird about that. For a split second you can pretend that its all ok, and that you are still together. Trust me we've all done it, I know that I have.

Now the exams are the hard part, as they come so soon after your breakup, and Im sure that concentrating is very hard to do at the moment. Seeing him and being in a place where everything is going to remind you of him is painful.

You probably have very few if any lectures left, why not go stay with a family member (you dont have to confide in them if you dont want to, just say that you need a place to study for a few weeks) until the exams are on. Its a tiny bit easier to be away from all the memories.

You will feel better, it will take a while but you really will. You just have to get through the exams and take it step by step from then.

Mind yourself.

m-a-i-

I'm exactly where you are OP, roughly 8 days ( not that I'm counting :S)

Today is a good day for me because I have been kept busy, so my advice would be keep busy, be with the people you love and care about and who you love.

I've recently started drawing when I can't see my friends because I live in the middle of nowhere and other personal reasons.

Some of the other silly things that I've taken up is blogging about what interests me. See if you can find something that you can get engrossed and lose yourself in for the lonely times

It is totally natural to feel the way your feeling and who knows, maybe he is hurting inside. I know my ex is from multiple sources.

Listen, don't be afraid to cry or be upset or angry or have all these feelings, part of the healing process

anyways sorry for the ranting and rambling
Don't be afraid to pm me if you need someone to talk to x

quincebolis

Thanks guys for all your replies xxx

I think I will try and cut off contact with him. It's hard it's like an addiction but it only makes me feel better temporarily and worse later. I keep checking my phone even though nothing is there I'm just so used to being able to talk to him all the time.

I'm terrified of when he gets with someone else so I guess if I stop talking now it'll make it easier then? I hope

I'm going to America for the summer so hopefully the distance will help but it feels long away and right now I'm stuck alone in my study trying to focus but just thinking about all the things we used to do together that I can never do again.

Talking to strangers on the internet makes me feel better so I might drop an email to one of my friends. I've been really hesitant about telling them it's over because I hate seeming weak and pathetic around people.

m-a-i-

[QUOTE
Talking to strangers on the internet makes me feel better so I might drop an email to one of my friends. I've been really hesitant about telling them it's over because I hate seeming weak and pathetic around people. [/QUOTE]

Its perfectly human to be emotional while these things happen. you are not pathetic or weak at all !

From what I've read about you in your posts is that you are a positive person that has a lot going for you and more to come. You will have a blast in America

I know what its like to be on your own and think about things that you used to do with him but these memories in time will make you smile, you just need time and just think of the many new and exciting memories to come !

I am a friend

I definitely agree with cutting the friendly contact with him until seeing him no longer hurts you. If you can avoid him as much as possible til you break for the summer then do and studying is an excellent time filler.

It's really hard but you will get through this I promise ...