dilemma

LegacyUser

Like the title suggests, I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I went out with friends last week and met a girl who happened to be straight, (when I say straight she claimed to have never been with a woman before) and we ended up going back to her place at the end of the night. I know we were both drunk, but I also know I wouldn't have gone there if I didn't think she would have reciprocated..which she did, a lot. We were out with mutual friends most of whom were male and the following day they splurged details about the place, mostly making out like I had been chasing her in vain (they didn't know anything else happened) and pretty much named and shamed and cracked off the odd homo joke to make it all seem like one big party.

I've endured a week of taunting and she's started hating on me too. She's moved herself closer to the people making the accusations to distance herself from me and I've spent the week trying to convince myself I didn't do anything wrong but I'm feeling so low I can't even face going outside. I called in sick in work today and I don't think I can face another day like this.

Lorrrrraine

That's horrible!
Firstly I'd ask in personwhat made them think I was chasing her. I'd demand examples. Obviously, you weren't chasing her so they wouldn't have any. I'd then ask if they were suggesting that because I'm gay I chase after any female with a pulse. Keep a straight face and maintain eye contact until they answer.
Also, I wouldn't want to hang around with people who could be so childish and cruel, maybe it's best you've found out now that they aren't a nice bunch...screw 'em.

Aishae

this is extremely childish behaviour on their part - its like theyre having an old laugh on your part. perhaps they dont realise theyve been going way too far and hurting you? not that that excuses it at all, but if you think thats the case then maybe a 'stop that right now, im sick of it' might work.
but if theyre acting like little kids 'oh shes gay!!! A and B sitting in a tree......' id ask them if there was some reason they were acting this way?
i wonder - did this girl suggest to them that you were on her tail all night and is blaming what she did on you? she might well not have told them what she did with you but might be so regretful that shes blaming you cos its the easy thing to do and absolves her of a 'gay moment'

either way, this is not behaviour you expect from real friends, even just social friends to have a drink with. is it worth the bother? it might be time to re-evaluate things there. its never easy to just cut people off especially when you dont have many drinking buddies but if you decide on this course of action: you will find better ones - who wont treat you like the gossip fodder and emotional punchbag of the week

LegacyUser

I have done my best to cut them out of my life but I feel I'm becoming almost heterophobic in the process. I know she has done this to protect herself. From what I know her mother would disown her and I'm sure it does absolve her of her "gay moment" but it has really messed me up. I did try contact her (she gave me her number) but she doesn't want to know. I'm not angry with her. But I'm starting to hate straight people. Sorry, I think I just needed to vent here.

Doop

You gotta tell your mates that its getting to you, and you want them to stop.

If they're real friends they'll stop straight away.. I know I would with my friends and they would with me.

Chuchoter

OP, drop all these friends. They all sound incredibly immature and homophobic. Don't bother with the girl, move on and leave it. Tell them they can go **** themselves tbh, the girl agreed to come home with you, she's as culpable as you are, you're just being portrayed as the big predatory lesbian attacking poor little straight girl.

Aishae

having 'fridns' that treat you like this will only make you feel more anger - of course you can try work with them and tell them to cop on. but its up to you whether or not you want to have to educate them on the whole things. the 'is it worth your time?'

bitter_lemon

they are obviously friends. (from how you speak about them) i don't think its a good idea to tell the op to drop her friends. boys will be boys. she has to at least give them a chance and explain her feelings to them. sometimes believe it or not they are oblivious. if they act the same i would agree.

are they friends? what you and i may constitute as friends may be two different things. or are they just acquaintances?

as for the girl seems to me she is running scared. just leave it for a bit. let the dust settle.

LegacyUser

They were friends by association.
I was with a very good friend who was meeting a guy for the first time, he was with his brothers. We knew them in a roundabout way but I'm not at a loss for them. I do however feel betrayed by my friend. We were tight and she is (or claims to be) bi so I thought she would have known better. I did tell her I wouldn't tolerate his behaviour and she may have said something but I'm guessing she didn't want to jeopardise her new relationship. She is a few years younger than me, but the bf is same age as myself.
His younger brother had been hitting on "straight" girl that night so no doubt it gave him an opportunity to air his grievances too.

Thanks for your responses, I was at a really low point when I sat down to write the first post and they really helped to pick me up.

LegacyUser

I am actually so confused it's painful. I don't understand how someone can be straight and do that.