Anonymous Review

blue.jester

Hey guys,

I'm one of the usual lurkers on boards so this will be my thread popping cherry, so to speak.

I've written a book that I am going to try and get published in some way shape or form. Being my own worst critic I would like to get some views from people that I don't know (i.e the Internets) to see what people think. Friends and family have all done the "Oh it's great" bit, but you can never trust them entirely can ya?

If folks can have a read and give some feedback it would be most appreciated. Although any nasty reviews just PM me, let's not have a flame war starting.

Cheers and thanks.

=EDIT=

As "pickarooney" wisely pointed out I forgot my bloody synopsis:

Story synopsis:

The story is based on the old Celtic legend of "The Tain".

There are two magical cows, one that is kept in the North of Airah while the other is in the South. Al, Warrior King of the South, returns from a hunting party to his fort after being called back by his men. It turns out that he has forgotten his wife's, Mebh, birthday. She uses this as an excuse to make him invade the North and capture the second magical cow so she can have a matching set. Since Al does not want to go to war with a neighboring king over the insanity of his wife he tries to delay the invasion for as long as possible, while sending two of his men to "borrow" the cow from the North.

Meanwhile Dru the Druid has sent Victor, his most trusted partner, to find and train the Guardian of the Cow. Due to a mix up with how the name is spelled Victor finds the wrong person, who just so happens to be a Guardian as well. He starts to train the wrong person to defend the North from the invading forces led by Mebh. When it is discovered that the true Guardian of the Cow has only a few hours to be brought up to speed Victor devises a plan so that all his work so far is not wasted.

pickarooney

Hi blue.jester,

Can you put a <>300 word summary of what the book is about (a pitch or synopsis)?
As regards nasty reviews - mean-spirited comments aren't worth paying attention to, but harsh, honest criticism is something you will need to deal with as a writer.

EileenG

Here goes.

As a general rule, don't open with weather. Particularly not a paragraph about weather with so many mixed metaphors. Banshees on a hen night? Thunder rolled like a well trained dog?

And as a general rule, it's a good idea to open with your main character, and with your main character doing something or getting into trouble. You've opened with a pair of guards that don't give the impression of being central characters. True, they are very funny, and it's easy to read, but I'm reading away and waiting for something to happen.

I'm a little confused. The description and names give the impression this is pre-historic Ireland, but the language and behaviour are much more modern. "Remember who pays your wages" doesn't strike me as a pre-history catch phrase and the reference to cardboard boxes is confusing.

I found this chapter quite long, and would have liked a lot more action in it.