Breakup

m-a-i-

I Know this is another thread about this.

My ex broke up with me a week ago because he claims he woke up one day and decided he didn't love me ( conveniently after his birthday...) we were just going 7 months

Long story short I feel so hurt and lost. I am incredibly shy so guys don't really notice me so I can't help feeling I'm going to be lonely forever

I don't know what to do. from what I've heard he feels incredibly guilty and wanted to do best for me...albeit did an arsey way about it.

Does this feeling go away? What should I do if he changes his mind and wants me back? I feel that this might happen because he did it so harshly and quickly that he might wake up and realise what he has done.

Any tips and advice would be greatly appreciated

Sinfonia

m-a-i- wrote: »

Does this feeling go away?

Yes.
And after 7 months it should go away reasonably quickly, depending on the intensity of the relationship.

What should I do if he changes his mind and wants me back?

I really wouldn't worry about this for now. Act as though it is over for good, because the likelihood is that he won't come back, and the worst thing you could do is wait around for the possibility.
And if he does come back, you can make your decision then, and you'll have a better opportunity to make your decision from a neutral and learned position.

spinandscribble

If he's the type of person to change his mind like that the question REALLY is why would YOU want to be with someone like that? So even if he comes by soon begging for you to take him back, why should you?

The sad truth is he probably did know in his heart of hearts he should break up with you for awhile but didn't know how to tell you. most people don't just suddenly wake up and decide to end it.

Whether it was a split decision or not, don't draw the breakup out for yourself thinking about the what ifs. Get a game plan together to have fun and be busy in the next few weeks. Look after yourself and focus on YOU not him and his light switchness.

m-a-i-

Thanks

I'd like to think that I knew him and it was a nice strong relationship ( i was wrong)

Honestly I don't think I want him if he asks me to take him back however because of things that have gone on during the relationship I would hate to not be in contact with him forever.

I think what I hate more is I lost a friend. one of my best friends although that could be the hurt talking.

coco_lola

As someone who went through a break up 3 weeks ago after a 7 month relationship too, I can tell you it does get easier! you will get through this, in fact I am feeling much better even two weeks on. The first week I was fine, because I had it in my head we would get back together, and we decided to stay friends (which I can tell you is a terrible idea now). I mentioned that maybe we could try again after a break (even though I did the dumping because I was frustrated with the relationship, I did need a break), and he made it clear that we weren't getting back together. I cried for about ten mins and then just said to myself "i shouldn't be crying over him when he isn't crying over me". I have the odd day where I'm a bit teary, but I remind myself that it would never have worked even if we did get back together because his heart wasn't in it. And I can tell you he felt guilty too and still gets in touch asking me how I am etc, but I don't reply. After 7 months you don't just stop caring for someone, but its important not to confuse caring and romantic feelings. I think what helped me move on was knowing we wouldn't get back together. As long as you have hope, you will never fully move on.

Its understandable that you feel like you've lost a best friend, and you will have days where you just feel like crying and staying in bed, missing them and the memories you shared, but its natural. But I can tell you, it does get easier. Keep in mind that this guy fell in love with you because you have great qualities and a lot to offer, and thats something to smile about. As other posters said he is not the only man you will care about.

The most important thing is to keep busy, get into things that you love to do, surround yourself with friends. And most important of all, cut contact. It might be hard now, but it will be ten times harder if you are still "friends" and harboring feelings for him, and you hear he is with someone else. I removed my ex on facebook and told him I had to, he totally understood, and we got on so well that I want to be friends with him, but not now, down the line, because I need to distance myself from him and separate the romantic feelings I have and let it go to friendship.

And I have to say, regardless of what others will say.. Have a little flirt with boys, maybe even a kiss.. depending what you're ready for. It really takes your mind off things to have a new interest, the texting etc and flirting, and gives you a great confidence boost, and I honestly have to say it made me realise I won't be alone forever and I am hot stuff Don't rush into anything you aren't ready for, but I just know myself that a bit of a distraction never did me any harm, and I have got over longer relationships before, and I will do it again! But if you don't take a chance, you'll never know

Sorry for the long post. Feel free to PM me anytime if you like.

m-a-i-

Thanks so much for all your nice responses.
Its amazing to see this and other posts in this forum that are so close to my own heart, it helps me feel like I'm not alone.

I hope that one day me and my ex can be friends but after reading all these and some other posts I am beginning to realise that I might be better off without him.

He really turned into something I didn't know or recognise in the end and although I still care for him I knew that it wasn't going to work out. He, to his friends is the "clown" in his group and really has a "bros before hoes" attitude near the end which now, now that I'm not blinded by love for him was really uncaring towards someone he supposedly loved.

Although at the moment it is hard evening listening or watching tv that even slightly reminds me of him is hard I know that this will go away thanks to ye

I just want to feel like myself again soon

Taltos

m-a-i- wrote: »

I hope that one day me and my ex can be friends but after reading all these and some other posts I am beginning to realise that I might be better off without him.

+1 to this - going on my experience your recovery will be faster with him out of your life...
Also it does definitely get easier. Do as SF suggested - try doing something that gets you out of your comfort zone and meeting people. Taking up new activities is great - and something that you learn from scratch - gives you new skills - but also really can help your self-confidence and even meet new people.

Zen65

m-a-i- wrote: »

What should I do if he changes his mind and wants me back? I feel that this might happen because he did it so harshly and quickly that he might wake up and realise what he has done.

He's unlikely to, but if he asks, just say no.

Firstly because you need to be strong about this, and secondly because this relationship has nothing further to offer you but more pain.

Don't regret the time you had together, but learn from it and reflect on the things about him you liked, the things you found compatible. Then think about what it was about him you didn't like (be honest, don't romanticise this). Now you should have a better idea about the type of person you want to be with, so go out and live your life to the full, keeping an open mind about the people you meet. When the opportunity for romance comes along again be sure to do a mental cross-check to ensure that this new man is more compatible than the last (unless of course you just want a bit of fun for a short time!).

I am incredibly shy so guys don't really notice me so I can't help feeling I'm going to be lonely forever

Shyness is easily overcome by joy. The world is a truly remarkable place, and keeping an open mind and a positive outlook can influence how your life unfolds. Do not waste time regretting the loves that come and go, and keep an eye out for the one that's worth making a real effort for.

Be at peace,

Z

thecookingapple

you will be fine, you come across as thoughtful, sweet and caring and someone someday is going to be very lucky to have you in there life.

If he wants to get back with you? that really depends on what you think and feel, is he right for you? does he give you everything you think you deserve to recieve from someone you love? do you foresee him as someone worth the effort? does he take you into account before other things in his life?

The world can be a fantastic place and shyness can hinder you in finding new joys, i think once your shy it is very hard to completely remove and why would you, a certain element of shyness is a lovely qaulity, but to much can be a deterent to find and enjoy new experiences.

Take this time and leave the Tv of, go for walks in the park, read a book or people watch in a cafe, make small civil conversation with strangers in safe places ie.cafes, shops etc, its difficult at the beginning but will get easier with time, reinvent yourself, know yourself and rely on yourself, then you will have a better understanding of what you want from life, love and happiness.

Good Luck.