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Newbie; I could use a little help figuring myself out

  • 12-04-2011 4:01pm
    #1
    TaraJo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9 ✭


    Yeah, hi. I'm new and maybe y'all can help me kinda figure myself out.

    I've always dated mostly girls. I've always identified as bisexual because I still find men attractive and in theory, I could easily date one.

    Then reality steps in. For a little over a year, I was in a relationship with another woman. I admitted to her and to myself that there were men that I was attracted to, but I was committed to her and to us, so I didn't persue anything. We recently split up, though, and I told myself that I need to get out there, date and just generally get over it. It didn't even take me a week before I'm dating another girl.

    Even when I'm single (which I don't seem to be very good at), I always have a conflicted relationship with men in general. It's like, they seen cool and nice and everything from a distance, but when I have to interact with them and talk to them, I wonder if their mother dropped them on their head when they were an infant (which I know is more a reflection on my own mental/emotional state than anything about the men themselves).

    I guess my difficulty dealing with men in general is just kinda causing me to question whether or not I'm really bisexual or if I'm just a lesbian in denial. I'm kinda thinking that I'm bisexual but I lean heavily towards women, but I don't even know about that.


Comments

  • #2
    Aishae
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,800 ✭✭✭Aishae


    hi - a lot of us seem to go through the stage when we just arent sure if we're bi or full on lesbian / gay. theres no need to say 'im bi' or 'im 80 percent lesbian and 20 percent for the lads' you are who you are. but i understand the confusion, ive been there myself.

    i can still find men attractive (very few mind you) and some seem nice in theory but if i try to imagine spending my life with a man or even having sexual relations with one; id hit a brick wall.

    perhaps thats a helpful tip - try to imagine what life would be like with a man and work from there


  • #3
    TaraJo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9 ✭TaraJo


    Aishae wrote: »
    perhaps thats a helpful tip - try to imagine what life would be like with a man and work from there

    That's the thing: I could easily imagine myself spending my life with a man. But he would have to be a very special man. I think part of my problem is that I have impossibly high standards for men.


  • #4
    Aishae
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,800 ✭✭✭Aishae


    so... maybe you are bi but the thing about being bi is it doesnt mean its a 50/50 thing - plenty of bi lads out there lean more towards men but like women too and visa versa. and its ok to feel that way, its who you are. i wouldnt say its completely outside the realms of possibility that id be with a man but itd have to be some spectacular man. im more compatible with women.


  • #5
    stephen_n
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,920 ✭✭✭✭stephen_n


    Don't wish to sound flippant but does it really matter? By that I mean do you really need to understand it or would you just be better to accept your attracted to both and then just focus on the people who do it for you on every level, in other words just seeing people as people not as one sex or the other! I'm attracted to both men and women but have diffuculty trusting men so my intimate relationships have always been with women. Unfortunaley the men I have met that I felt real intimacy with have all been straight, but i believe what's meant for you never passes you by so if I'm meant to meet someone and have a relationship with them, the bits they have or don't will be of little concern to me.


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