Concerned about girl I'm in love with

LegacyUser

Long term reader of posters need to post because I have a serious worry on my mind. I'm a 20 year old male student. When I started in UCD last year on orientation week a girl walked into the class she was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on.shes a model. I didn't have the courage to talk to her at the time then I discovered she was staying in the same apartments as me we got talking, paired up for assignments and met up through mutual friends. She told me she is engaged to a man twice her age since she was 18 we are both 20 I thought immediately this was strange he left his family for her as time went on I got to know her properly she's gentle kind angelic, simply beautiful. I fell head over heels for her she has a number of personal problems seriously abusive past don't know the details she never wanted to share them but from what i can gather it was fairly rough for her she seemed to withdraw more throughout the year waking up screaming in the middle of the night, self harm. I tried to help her but she only lets people in so far understandable after being hurt. anyway her partner moved her away she transferred colleges and i havent been able to have much contact with her at all i saw her the other weekend which was the first time in ages she seemed miserable was covered in marks from cutting herself basically I'm worried sick about her. from the post you can tell how I feel about her Ive told her that and she doesn''t feel the same i accept that but want to help her what can i do? talking to the partner is pointless she is going abroad after the semester and i want the chance to have a chat with her before then any advice on how to approach it without it seeming like it's a come on i genuinely care about this girl and want to help sory about the long post thanks

thecookingapple

You seem kind and caring, which is very nice, she has a partner and its really up to this woman to figure out whats good or bad for her, if you truly want to be a good friend just write her a simple letter saying that you are her friend and anytime she needs anything all she has to do is contact you: thats all!

Good luck and god bless and focus on your own life for now.

LegacyUser

thecookingapple wrote: »

You seem kind and caring, which is very nice, she has a partner and its really up to this woman to figure out whats good or bad for her, if you truly want to be a good friend just write her a simple letter saying that you are her friend and anytime she needs anything all she has to do is contact you: thats all!

Good luck and god bless and focus on your own life for now.

Thanks for that v nice reply. I have been going out with other girls and moving on with my own life but she's all i'm thinkin of. would feel much better about the whole thing if she was happy shes one of those people who makes you want to take care of her i just the want best for her and think shes worth so much more than the life she has thanks

thecookingapple

I am sure you have her best interests at heart, but she is not a small bird, she is an adult and has to make her own way in life, i dont mean to come across harsh, but she may well resent you trying to fix her, just let her know support is there when and if she needs it, you seem like a kind young man and its very thoughtful of you to want to protect someone but know your limits.

Good luck in life.

LegacyUser

Nothing strange about her being with an older guy.. she is very beautiful so she is capable of attracting older men with money. She is also attracted to these men who have their careers sorted and are powerful, mature and experienced.


So she has told you she is not sexually attracted to you and you are still bothering her. Clearly she wants nothing to do with you as far as I can see. Quite frankly it's none of your business what she does to herself.


You have probably made this girl uneasy and awkward around you as a result of your telling her how much you like her. Leave her and let her go. Forget about her, it's the best way. Your feelings about her will prevent it from ever being a proper friendship. You will always want more.

skooterblue

Ladies like three things, Wealth, good looks and Love.
Wealth for keeping her, its a genetic concern to look after her and her children.
Good looks for genetic selection.
Love for mutual happiness.

As the saying goes two out of three aint bad. This is what she has chosen and you have to respect that.

LegacyUser

skooterblue wrote: »

Ladies like three things, Wealth, good looks and Love.
Wealth for keeping her, its a genetic concern to look after her and her children.
Good looks for genetic selection.
Love for mutual happiness.

As the saying goes two out of three aint bad. This is what she has chosen and you have to respect that.

I wouldn't think she's with him for financial purposes she's fairly wealthy on her own i wouldn't say she is happy with him either. A happy person wouldnt be hurting themselves i realise she is old enough to make her own choices.

Fentdog84

Do yourself a big favour..walk away and forget about her. I wouldnt give her another moments thought. You were nice to her, you cared for her, you were there for her but there is nothing in your post to suggest that she ever gave a toss about you. Its not a real friendship because it is not platonic. You are in love with her, she not with you. She knows this and uses it to manipulate you to come running to her aid when she wants something. Then once the problem is fixed she just goes swiftly back into her own world leaving you hanging out to dry. She has got her sugar daddy and her modelling career, thats what she values and you just need to accept that you will never be part of her world. She is a homewrecker who has already destroyed one whole family, you think she cares about your feelings? She just sounds like a self obsessed drama queen, a nasty piece of work. Just move on and focus your attentions on someone else more deserving of them.

LegacyUser

Fentdog84 wrote: »

Do yourself a big favour..walk away and forget about her. I wouldnt give her another moments thought. You were nice to her, you cared for her, you were there for her but there is nothing in your post to suggest that she ever gave a toss about you. She just sounds like a self obsessed drama queen. Just move on and focus your attentions on someone else.

thanks for all input to everyone who replied i suppose the best thing is to move on

@fentdog84 I probably should walk away but sorry for not making it clearer in my post but she was there for me a lot lost a friend and she was a rock for me. through the adjustment of college and all she does keep in contact but made it clear she's involved doesn't want to hurt anyone and can only offer friendship i just worry about her and want to be helpful i suppose in the back of my mind i wonder what if? she gets fellas telling her they love her the whole time i will try to pull back from her it's not easy she's everything any man could ever want and so lovely to go with it.

kjl

I think you are all being pretty hash on this girl and this guys reaction to seeing her with presumably self inflicted cuts would scare anyone, and I think the advice here is pretty inhuman to tell the OP to forget her.

whiteonion

Yes forget about her. She is obviously crazy if she cuts herself. This is not a person you want to be around.