Re: Why am I crying over the past?

LegacyUser

I was online and googled someones name to get their contact details (I'd deleted them). I'd been a bit bad tempered with them about something & wanted to say sorry, again!! Anyway came across pictures of their trip to Kilimanjaro.
This person was never in love with me & I let them use me (low self esteem but still no excuse). Anyway find myself in floods of tears over this as they have moved on and are doing very well for themselves.
I seem to be stuck in the past & I don't know how to move forward. I don't want to wallow in self pity & most of the time I'm fine.
I don't seem to be very emotionally mature & I'm old enough to know better

thecookingapple

Your Human and being human we all react differently to events in our life, we all have our strenghts and weakness, focus on your strenghts and learn from your past so you can live your life in the present and enjoy the future as it happens.

Try to reavalutate what brought you to this point in life and where you are going to go.

some simple tips.

1. healthy body really does mean healthy mind

2. learn some new things, do not get stuck in the past, the past was just a history lesson.

3. learn to like yourself, it will lead to love.

4. dont cower, face things not as a fear but as a challenge:you are capable!

5. Dont look for things, come across them.

6. Treat people as you would like to be treated, discard the ones who do not return the gesture.

7. Eat well, sleep well and enjoy life.

You may very well be able to think about the past, but you will never ever be able to change it, so living in it is very pointless.

Give love and if its not recieved move it on.

Good luck and god bless.

mood

I think you need to work on you confidence and self esteem. Wanting to say sorry to someone who you think used you strongly suggests to me that you have confidence and self esteem issues.

thecookingapple is right. You need to live in the present and look after your self etc. Whenever you find yourself thinking about this ex or others do something to take your mind off it like going for a walk or reading a book.

Neyite

I get where you are coming from OP, there is nothing worse than seeing someone who walked away from emotional carnage go on to be successful and apparently happy. Its normal to wish they get what they deserve, and see them experience a bit of what you went through.

I had an ex just like that - he nearly destroyed me before nonchantly skipping off to his next victim. And, like you, it really hurt to hear through the grapevine that he was getting on great, so I had to cut myself off from him and hearing about him. My motto was (and still is) "the best revenge is your own happiness"

Firstly, you should keep the contact details deleted - you were apologising?? Snap out of that one sharpish!! Dont do that to yourself - remind yourself you are better than that and that any contact is pathetic. Next, focus on you - as others have said, work on your self esteem, whatever way suits you, counselling can do wonders and I really recommend it. you could take up a hobby that you always wanted but never thought you could do, or exercise. In my case I took up a qualification, yoga, and made some new friends. I am truly happy, that I would not care if my ex won the lotto, what I have in my life is far richer than that. You will too, in time.

fghijkl

Do not contact him and appologise. It really will do you no favours.

The best thing to do is just stop looking for reminders googling them, facebook etc it all just reminds you of things you don't need to be reminded of. No one can ever get over anyone when they torture themselves looking a pictures of an ex. Easier said than done i know.

Also don't take everything you see/read about someone on the internet as fact.
The downside of modern technology is that the vast majority of peoples live which is plastered over the internet isn't real. It's just an edited version of reality. You saw pictures of him in Kilimanjaro, what i bet you didn't see was when they got snappy with each other on the flight there, the sunburn, etc etc. You only saw what he wanted people to see the nice bits.

Don't beat yourself up over this OP everyone stumbles from time to time, but recognise that wallowing isn't healthy, get out there and take up a new hobby, join a gym, something to take your mind off things.
Most importantly do not google him ever again, cut all contact it's the only way you can move on

seenitall

Hi OP,

stop reading "The Bell Jar".

Read happy books, think happy thoughts, and undertake some serious counselling in order to achieve some peace of mind, sounds like you need it.

The only way to love and happiness is through self-love and high self-esteem.

Best wishes.