Am I Always going to be a singleton!??

LegacyUser

Hi all
Here's one for ye...

Im a 28yo male living and working in Dublin.

Over the past few years, I've had a few short relationships...nothing too serious...just fizzled out as they sometimes do..

Anyway, I've been having real trouble meeting women that are actually mature and not just up for "the shift" (can't believe I used that word...anyway....)

To give you a bit of background. I play alot of music in my life and I find that when girls find this out about me, they're all interested..intruiged...whatever you want to call it! I think this might have something to do with the problem, and that why I'm mentioning it.

Over the last 2 years, I got "involved" with 2 different girls at work (not at the same time of course)...
In both cases, we would hang out alot....call in the evenings maybe...having a good giggle...a bit of a physical relationship starting to develop but nothing serious.. that type thing.
Anyway, in both cases, both girls - as soon as we got to a situation where we're getting into bed, they completely back off and cut contact....everything...it's most unusual

At the moment, I'm kinda thinking it's a thing where they're going "ohh yeah he plays music woww, thats so exciting", and then I'm suddenly a "goal" to kiss me or something..and once the goal is hit...move on

I think I'm at the age where I can look at the situations objectively so I 'm not all cut-up about it all or anything like that, but still it bothers me from time to time....
i mean...what the HELL am i doing wrong!!!???
Not to be bigheaded, but I don't think at all that the girls suddenly "went off" or something like that.... I'm generally good craic...always in good form and up for a laugh, and I think I'm fairly attractive although I'm no Wayne Rooney

anyway....id love to hear what ye think
cheerz

thecookingapple

I could be wrong! but keep some mystery about yourself, potential partners do not need to know everything about you in a few weeks, its great you play music and its a really great trait to have, but let new people discover this and other things about you and vice versa, its always great to learn new things about a partner and keeps things fresh and interesting.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

You're doing nothing wrong! The problem (and I shouldn't use that word cos it's not correct, more like reason for lack of long term relationship) is that your'e probably too nice and genuine, and you're not meeting the nice girls of this world. you'r picking the immature eejits and maybe just maybe you are too nice for them. They will meet their right match, and so will eventually!!!!!!!!! Just dont' sweat it too much. To be honest I totally understand, cos I'm the same only female...

fghijkl

I could be wrong! but keep some mystery about yourself, potential partners do not need to know everything about you in a few weeks, its great you play music and its a really great trait to have, but let new people discover this and other things about you and vice versa, its always great to learn new things about a partner and keeps things fresh and interesting.

Yeah i'd have to agree with this OP.

I'm around your age and while i don't play music my career (and i use the term loosely :rolleyes: lol) is considered "arty", so i can completely relate to your OP. It doesn't happen so much now thankfully, but when i was in college i definitely just attracted guys who were interested in the 'novelty' of going out with someone 'creative/arty'. In my case it was completely my own fault because I really did allow it to 'define' me, i totally played up to that whole arty student stereotype, because quite frankly the majority of guys were intrigued by it, but yeah i learned the hard way that they were more enamoured with the idea of the hippy creative type, than they were with me, and they usually lost interest shortly after. And partly also i think because they presumed i was going to be flighty and not girlfriend material.

What made me see the light was when i started dating a guy who worked in a very high pressure, high responsibility, corporate job, and after dating him for 3/4 weeks i saw a camera lying around his house, turns out he was a really really talented, i mean really talented photographer, i'd had no idea, and it was a millions times more impressive and endearing than if he'd bragged about it the first time he'd met me. That he was so talented and so modest about it and had this whole other completely different side to him was just so attractive.

The only practical advice i can offer is to not let your love of music define you, yes i know it's probably a huge part of your life but it is only one part of your life. I trying not to offend you but i dunno, maybe don't make it a focal point about you if know what i mean.

Also it could simply be the old cliche that men in bands are thought to have women throwing themselves at them and these girls don't want to just be another notch on the bedpost?

LegacyUser

OP, I wish I knew. I'm right there in the boat with you, except I'm female.
Whatever you're doing it wrong, I'm doing it too.
And I'm no Wayne Rooney either.

HugoDrax

Lots of women will get second thoughts when a kiss starts turning into sex because they don't want to percieved as a 'slut' and they don't want their friends to think they are a 'slut.' What you need to when you are cuddling up and kissing a girl is to take it really slow and when she says 'too soon' to back up, put on some music, watch some TV with her and then when you start kissing her again you'll find she will let you go a bit farther each time.
Stop coming across as too eager because women will think you only want to have sex with them. One minute you were kissing and then you start fondling her when she is not cool with that yet because she is only just getting used to the kissing. You might change a girl's mind who liked you and might have been open to sex down the line, by being too sexual too soon and making her feel you were only after one thing.
You need to stop thinking of the 'goal' - every man who gets female attention gets a natural urge to turn that attention into sex, because let's face it you would like to get physical with all these women. For women sex is a big thing because they have their reputation and the risk of pregnancy to consider. That primitive instinct is there even though the girl is on the pill and you are using protection and the chances of pregnancy are almost nil.
Many women often have to feel emotionally ready for sex when many guys would happily go straight to the sex without feeling anything for the girl.
So what you need to do is abandon any expectation of sex and just enjoy female company for it's own sake.
The women you have meet were impressed by your involvement in music so you are going to meet more women just like that.
So play it cool, don't try to hard, be gentle, kiss the girls but don't rush to tear off their clothes. The girls will be open to that when they feel comfortable.
You are not measuring yourself against anyone else and you are not watching the clock. So just chill out.