Gf too sensitive

LegacyUser

The gf and i are fighting more and more about her being over sensitive. She's really sensitive sometimes with stupid stuff and ends up upset and in a bad mood when i make a joke or have a bit of banter.

She normally has a sense of humour but there is some stuff she told me not to joke about. I made a joke about something the other day and she just stopped (we were on a walk) and said straight out, you think you're being funny, but you're not, i have asked you not to joke about these things, its a not a joke if i don't find it funny and if you continue to make these jokes its just you being rude. I was floored. I couldn't believe she'd spoken to me like that or called me rude. We had a huge fight and she now maintains that if she has told me something upsets her i shouldn't joke about it, but i don't think i should have to censor banter around her because she's so sensitive. She should really grow up and get over it. Its causing a huge problem in our great relationship.

Helpful hints and ideas please.

LegacyUser

Its hard to judge without knowing the context, but she's probably not making it up. If she says it upsets her, its most likely upsetting her, and you should respect that.

She's letting you know how she feels so is it really so difficult to steer clear of such a topic in future?

'Banter' isnt funny to everyone. Maybe you dont share the same sense of humour.

Faith

Are you joking right now?

If not, wow. That is one of the most insensitive posts I have ever read on here. Your girlfriend has made it very clear that she's not comfortable with you joking about certain things, and yet you keep on doing it and think it's her problem? I'm sorry, but you sound like an ass. Respect your girlfriend and stop making "jokes" that you know she's uncomfortable with. She's dead right - you're rude. I certainly wouldn't put up with that kind of behaviour in a relationship. I honestly can't believe you think that she's wrong here.

Helpful hints and ideas: Grow up, and keep your jokes to topics that don't make her unhappy.

I am a friend

For example....?

LegacyUser

it will be silly things, things that really aren't important. we go from having a great day to huge fight in an instant in one of these situations. i'm starting to feel like i can't open my mouth, i've no idea if she'll go psycho, or laugh or cry. it feels like our relationship has gotten very hard and i never know what to expect, a loving girlfriend or a massive row

Wibbs

Some people are fierce sensitive minnies, other people are boors. If you don't like type or the other? Real simple, don't go out with one. Why you would continue to wind someone up therefore causing them stress and you stress? For what result? I dunno, sounds daft to me.

I am a friend

Wibbs wrote: »

Some people are fierce sensitive minnies, other people are boors. If you don't like type or the other? Real simple, don't go out with one. Why you would continue to wind someone up therefore causing them stress and you stress? For what result? I dunno, sounds daft to me.

Yep, nothing worse than someone who thinks they are funny but its at someone elses expense... I would be a bit more sensitive if I were you or you could be getting a one way ticket to dumpsville...

bubbaloo

Jesus - how many times do you have to be told the same thing? She told you she doesn't find the joke funny so why continue to bring it up?
Grow up. Not everything in life is a joke.

IrishEyes19

Before anyone can judge who is in the wrong here, what exactly are you saying thats offensive to her, OP. As other posters have said here, if someone says something hurts them or isnt funny. Why cant you just stop??

WindSock

gf probs wrote: »

but i don't think i should have to censor banter around her because she's so sensitive. She should really grow up and get over it. Its causing a huge problem in our great relationship.

Helpful hints and ideas please.

If a friend came to you and confided that they were sexually abused and the thoughts causes problems for them, would you censor your jokes in front of them, or expect they will laugh along and get over it because they are being too sensitive?

Wagon

Dunno man. Depends on the joke. If it was about something like rape then I could see where she would be coming from (never know what might have happened in her past) and advise on looking for some new material. Like WW2 or Germany or something that she isn't part of.

Then again, if she's getting offended about not liking carrots or a TV program or something...

Faith

It doesn't depend on context here. No matter what it is, she's made it clear that she's unhappy about him making jokes about it and he should respect that. Whether it's rape jokes, dead baby jokes, or a man walks into a bar jokes, he shouldn't make them around her if she doesn't like it.

S23

As said if she finds it hurtful and not funny and has repeatedly asked you to stop then you really should. It's not rocket science.

If the 'jokes' you are making are completely innocuous and should be in no way offensive to anyone expect a person who is going to go out of their way to be offended over nothing then you probably shouldn't be with that kind of person anyway. If there really is nothing in any of what you say and she, quite literally, gets offended over the most ridiculously bland and timid things, and you can't rein it in, then you shouldn't be with a person with such a conflicting personality.

My gut feeling is you're being a bit silly, OP, as you completely avoided mentioning what the 'joke' was.

She's your girlfriend not one of your drinking buddies or club mates. Of course there should be a friendship as part of the relationship but don't forget shes still your other half.

Not all that banter thats goes on in the pub with your mates or the changing rooms after a match is appropriate stuff to be saying to your OH.

LegacyUser

well i'm from the good old country and she's from dublin. So if she said something that sounded a it dulin i'd laugh and have a it of banter about the dub accent and ask her how many cars she burnt out today or did she make it to her methadone clinic. she's from a good area but is really sensitive about having a dublin accent which she doesn't really. First thing in the morning i'd laugh about waking up in the stone age when her hair is messy like a cavegirl. Sometimes i'd ask if she got her outfit on moore st or that kind of banter

The other night she took 3 hours to get ready, but was still fixing make up in the car so i had a lot of jokes about that, like after three hours i was expecting the mona lisa....and maybe you should start getting ready on tuesday for sat night, as you stand a chance of being ready then

Our relationship has become so volatile, she explodes at nothing in an instant. I told her i think its funny when she starts screaming, but the screaming is getting more and more these days

Can't you give us a specific example?

There's pretty much two possibilities:
A) You're being insensitive and she's being reasonable. In this case you're upsetting her and you should apologise and stop doing it.
You're being reasonable and she's being over-sensitive. In this case you're upsetting her and you should apologise and stop doing it.

Certain things upset people. Being upset is a feeling, you can't prove it right or wrong.

I know people who are over-sensitive about certain things. I don't try to tell them they're wrong. If I can't be sensitive around them then I avoid them. Unless you plan to start avoiding your gf, start trying to be sensitive.

fghijkl

it will be silly things, things that really aren't important.

Incorrect...they are silly to you They aren't important to you
If your gf has asked you to not joke about these subjects then they are important to her

i'm starting to feel like i can't open my mouth, i've no idea if she'll go psycho, or laugh or cry.

there is some stuff she told me not to joke about

Incorrect, Does not compute....
You do know what her reaction will be!! she's told you for christ sake!! She's asked you not to joke about certain topics, and you have no idea what her reaction will be when you do joke about these topics??!
Eh it's not rocket science here!

We had a huge fight and she now maintains that if she has told me something upsets her i shouldn't joke about it,

"She now maintains?" seriously are you 4 years old or something?! If somebody has told you something upsets them then out of basic respect you stop doing it!

but i don't think i should have to censor banter around her because she's so sensitive

It's NOT banter when the other party doesn't want to engage in it...it's rude and it's disrespectful and quite frankly obnoxious behaviour. She's your girlfriend! If something upsets her then why do you keep bringing it up and hurting her? It's not censoring it's basic respect.
I'm honestly baffled as to why you're with the girl at all tbh, if you behave like this towards her! You obviously have absolutely no respect for her. at all.

Kevin Duffy

If she's told you before and given you chances to stop, you might want to stop before you run out of chances.

If you can't stop, then maybe go away and leave her in peace so you can both find someone who'll suit you better.

SheRa

gf issues wrote: »

well i'm from the good old country and she's from dublin. So if she said something that sounded a it dulin i'd laugh and have a it of banter about the dub accent and ask her how many cars she burnt out today or did she make it to her methadone clinic. she's from a good area but is really sensitive about having a dublin accent which she doesn't really. First thing in the morning i'd laugh about waking up in the stone age when her hair is messy like a cavegirl. Sometimes i'd ask if she got her outfit on moore st or that kind of banter

The other night she took 3 hours to get ready, but was still fixing make up in the car so i had a lot of jokes about that, like after three hours i was expecting the mona lisa....and maybe you should start getting ready on tuesday for sat night, as you stand a chance of being ready then

Our relationship has become so volatile, she explodes at nothing in an instant. I told her i think its funny when she starts screaming, but the screaming is getting more and more these days

I was going to say that maybe she is sensitive but if you respect her, why would you keep making jokes that you know will bother her, then I read your so called jokes. They are obnoxious digs at your girlfriend. Those kind of "jokes" wear very thin, very quickly.

Banter is a two way street, not a one sided exchange where you insult your girlfriend. Ok, you may not intend it to be an insult, but that is the way she is taking them. I wonder if she started with "banter" about the size of your appendage, or your sexual performance etc would you find it quite as funny?

P.s also meant to say that banter with the lads is different to talking to your girlfriend, some stuff just isnt appropriate. I bet your friends would know better than to say what you said to their other halves.

Zen65

gf issues wrote: »

The other night she took 3 hours to get ready, but was still fixing make up in the car so i had a lot of jokes about that, like after three hours i was expecting the mona lisa....and maybe you should start getting ready on tuesday for sat night, as you stand a chance of being ready then

So, ........... she spent 3 hours getting ready to go out with you, and you undermine that effort on her part by joking about it?

Singledom awaits you.

Be at peace,

Z

S23

gf issues wrote: »

well i'm from the good old country and she's from dublin. So if she said something that sounded a it dulin i'd laugh and have a it of banter about the dub accent and ask her how many cars she burnt out today or did she make it to her methadone clinic. she's from a good area but is really sensitive about having a dublin accent which she doesn't really. First thing in the morning i'd laugh about waking up in the stone age when her hair is messy like a cavegirl. Sometimes i'd ask if she got her outfit on moore st or that kind of banter

The other night she took 3 hours to get ready, but was still fixing make up in the car so i had a lot of jokes about that, like after three hours i was expecting the mona lisa....and maybe you should start getting ready on tuesday for sat night, as you stand a chance of being ready then

Our relationship has become so volatile, she explodes at nothing in an instant. I told her i think its funny when she starts screaming, but the screaming is getting more and more these days

Your remarks, that you have been repeatedly asked to stop, are completely inappropriate because they upset your OH yet you continue to make them.

You sound like a brainless neanderthal to be honest. If someone isn't getting the 'joke' then take the hint that it's not funny. Honestly none of that stuff is even bordering on being amusing. If you constantly repeat that drivel I don't blame her for losing the rag.

Honestly I hope you're quite young and just a bit wet behind the ears in which case you might grow out of it.

You're completely in the wrong here OP. I can't really put it to you another way

shinikins

Sorry OP, but what your doing is a form of bullying. You constantly coment on her appearance, the length of time she takes to get ready, and her accent, and then get annoyed because she's upset and can't see the "joke"!!! My god, thats obnoxious and completely disrespectful behaviour!!

Hypothetically how would you feel if she slagged you off constantly about your country accent, or the fact that your into shagging sheep, or countless other country stereotypes? And if she kept doing this after you asked her nicely to stop? I bet you'd start an arguement or two.

Grow up and start being nicer to your girlfriend and keep your "banter" to your mates, or you soon won't have a girlfriend at all.

Taltos

Op if I was to really write what I thought of you I would be banned so instead can I suggest.
1 find someone from the good old country
2 grow up fast
3 just leave her alone

All you are doing is eating at her self confidence, hope you feel proud to be do mentally abusive, guess it is a sign of what a big man you are.

fghijkl

Originally Posted by gf issues
well i'm from the good old country and she's from dublin. So if she said something that sounded a it dulin i'd laugh and have a it of banter about the dub accent and ask her how many cars she burnt out today or did she make it to her methadone clinic. she's from a good area but is really sensitive about having a dublin accent which she doesn't really. First thing in the morning i'd laugh about waking up in the stone age when her hair is messy like a cavegirl. Sometimes i'd ask if she got her outfit on moore st or that kind of banter

That's not banter. It's not remotely funny. It's actually disgusting.
I find it offensive and i'm not even from dublin, i can't imagine how degraded your "girlfriend" must feel by your comments.

I say girlfriend, but the way you speak to her, i wouldn't even speak that way to someone i didn't like, let alone someone i'm supposed to care about.

Seriously it's borderline verbal abuse.
You're undermining her looks, backround, accent. If this is how you treat people you love, then you have serious serious issues.

Op if I was to really write what I thought of you I would be banned

+1

Neyite

gf issues wrote: »

well i'm from the good old country and she's from dublin. So if she said something that sounded a it dulin i'd laugh and have a it of banter about the dub accent and ask her how many cars she burnt out today or did she make it to her methadone clinic. she's from a good area but is really sensitive about having a dublin accent which she doesn't really.

Thats funny once. more than that its at best boring, and at worst, calculated insults. Bet you wouldnt say that to a dublin lad that happened to be bigger than you eh? you say yourself that she is sensitive, maybe its because her boyfriend constantly draws her attention to it?

wrote:

First thing in the morning i'd laugh about waking up in the stone age when her hair is messy like a cavegirl. Sometimes i'd ask if she got her outfit on moore st or that kind of banter

Banter Insulting

wrote:

The other night she took 3 hours to get ready, but was still fixing make up in the car so i had a lot of jokes about that, like after three hours i was expecting the mona lisa....and maybe you should start getting ready on tuesday for sat night, as you stand a chance of being ready then

I would have asked you to stop the car and got out. You would have been heading to wherever you were going as a single man.

wrote:

Our relationship has become so volatile, she explodes at nothing in an instant. I told her i think its funny when she starts screaming, but the screaming is getting more and more these days

I am not surprised its volatile - you even make fun of her when she is so upset by your behaviour that she screams at you.

Try telling jokes that dont involve ridiculing the person you are supposed to care about and respect. Thats what a really funny person would do. Using someones appearance and background as the constant butt of your jokes is lazy and crass.

Sinfonia

Here's why this is not banter:

- It's not particularly witty, in fact in their most light-hearted context, they sound like the kind of cringy jokes a dad would make towards his daughter (the 'stone age' and 'mona lisa' jokes in particular)

- They're overdone, by you and by everyone. Constantly making the same old jokes about people from Dublin (or constantly making the same old jokes about people from anywhere) are tired and predictable.

Here's why it comes across as passive-aggressive asshattery:

- Your girlfriend has told you that she finds it offensive. It sounds like she may be insecure about her appearance, her accent, etc. I'm not surprised, given how she is often taunted in these regards by a person she has a close relationship with.
She also could have experienced this kind of treatment in the past, from "friends", or people in school, ex-partners, or family members, and even if your jibes are intended to be light-hearted, maybe they hit a deep-seated nerve with her.

The bottom line:

- Respect your girlfriend's wishes and get some better material, or if this difference in sense of humour is a dealbreaker for you, get out of the relationship. The way you both are operating at the moment is no good for either one of you, and sorry to burst your "Gf too sensitive" bubble, but you are the problem here.

tinkerbell

gf issues wrote: »

well i'm from the good old country and she's from dublin. So if she said something that sounded a it dulin i'd laugh and have a it of banter about the dub accent and ask her how many cars she burnt out today or did she make it to her methadone clinic. she's from a good area but is really sensitive about having a dublin accent which she doesn't really. First thing in the morning i'd laugh about waking up in the stone age when her hair is messy like a cavegirl. Sometimes i'd ask if she got her outfit on moore st or that kind of banter

The other night she took 3 hours to get ready, but was still fixing make up in the car so i had a lot of jokes about that, like after three hours i was expecting the mona lisa....and maybe you should start getting ready on tuesday for sat night, as you stand a chance of being ready then

Our relationship has become so volatile, she explodes at nothing in an instant. I told her i think its funny when she starts screaming, but the screaming is getting more and more these days

Wow, I can't believe OP that you think those are jokes. You are seriously deluded. And you are being a completely horrible person to your girlfriend. I actually feel sorry for your girlfriend having to put up with a person like you because all you do every day is insult her.

I mean who the hell thinks it is even remotely funny that just because you're from Dublin it means you have this stereotypical "Dub accent" that you go onto her about and that she's been in a methodone clinic earlier. What's wrong with you? What planet are you living on that you think your stupid insults are actually jokes?

And then giving out to her about how she should look like the Mona Lisa? Or telling her she looks like a cave woman because she's got bed hair or that she looks like she just did all her clothes shopping on Moore St? I ask this again - what is wrong with you? How can you possibly think that she or anyone for that matter would find that sort of crap funny?

It's not, it's really insulting and you are being completely horrible. Your girlfriend is not being "sensitive", she is acting like any normal person would if they were subjected to those kind of rotten comments from the person they were in a relationship in.

So I suggest that you cop onto yourself, apologise to your girlfriend, go buy her a big bunch of flowers, take her out to a nice meal and tell her how wonderful she is. Because if you don't cut the crap and stop treating her like some sort of third-class citizen, then you'll be welcoming yourself to Dumpsville.

thefeatheredcat

gf issues wrote: »

well i'm from the good old country and she's from dublin. So if she said something that sounded a it dulin i'd laugh and have a it of banter about the dub accent and ask her how many cars she burnt out today or did she make it to her methadone clinic. she's from a good area but is really sensitive about having a dublin accent which she doesn't really.

has it actually occurred to you that she may know people and have friends that have been in meth clinics or had drug problems? Or have friends or grew up with people who came from "bad areas"?

I'd be as angry as her tbh hearing your "jokes". And I'd be dead on the floor in embarrassment, anger and disgust if you said such "jokes" in front of some people I know.

I've known plenty of drug addicts through my life and would not tolerate someone "joking" about that, nor would it be appropriate to "joke" about suicide, sexual abuse or rape, drug and alcohol problems as I have known people who have been through that and experienced some of that myself too. And I have known people who grew up in "bad areas", some of which were really good friends of mine through the years, that I would never poke fun at the stereotype of, and certainly not systematically or repeatedly.

As for remarks on her appearance, that is bullying behaviour in put downs.

Mighty_Mouse

It's only a joke if someone laughs buddy
If they cry..................

I am a friend

gf issues wrote: »

Our relationship has become so volatile, she explodes at nothing in an instant.

You have to be taking the mick... No one could be that dense...

In case you are that dense, the reason its so volatile is cos she is sick to the bones of you and every word you say annoys her. Dont know why she hasnt dumped you.

MissFlitworth

You sound like the kind of person who thinks they're funny cos they're loud & when they make sh1tty horrible jokes all their friends grimace politely at them or force out a laugh. Seriously, the next time you make a personal 'joke' about one of your friends have a look round and see how many of them are actually laughing. I betcha you catch more than one person throwing their eyes to heaven.

Stop taking the piss out of your girlfriend, and stop laughing at her when she's 'screaming', that's just the rudest, most frustrating thing you can do to someone. By the by - with ref to

gf issues wrote: »

Sometimes i'd ask if she got her outfit on moore st or that kind of banter

no one sells clothes on Moore st (bar the odd debs dress) so I really do hope you said that to her loads as it makes you look like a complete thick

Milky Moo

You make jokes about things you know she doesn't find funny, are you expecting her to laugh?

You are confusing banter for outdated stereotypes...bad ones at that!

On top of that you are being very disrepectful to her, you obviously don't listen to her, she said stop and you didn't!

I once had a boyfriend that kept making jokes about things I didn't find funny ad nauseum, I dumped him....I wonder how it will work out for you!

LegacyUser

everything i want to say has already been said but nevertheless...i can't believe she hasn't done more than just argue with you! if my boyfriend treated me like that he'd be out the door in a flash! there have been a few 'jokes' thrown my way that he thought were funny...when i told him i didnt think they were funny and they offended me he never said them again...something which a caring other half should do! I have a scottish accent and used to get teased about it when i was a kid...not funny...made me hate talking infront of people...my boyfriend does, on occasion, mock the way i say certain words...iv just learned to play him at his own game cause he has a real 'country' accent...im not so sensitive about that anymore so we laugh it off together but if i thought for 1 minute that he was taking offence to my rebuttals then id stop and id expect him to stop aswell! if he mocked my accent constantly and added in 'jokes' about my appearance and where im from it would be a different story...why would you want to be with someone who continuously upsets you and puts you down...why would you want to upset someone and put them down...it makes no sense! yes she is sensitive about these things...and you're making it worse...chipping away at her confidence

mood

gf issues wrote: »

well i'm from the good old country and she's from dublin. So if she said something that sounded a it dulin i'd laugh and have a it of banter about the dub accent and ask her how many cars she burnt out today or did she make it to her methadone clinic. she's from a good area but is really sensitive about having a dublin accent which she doesn't really. First thing in the morning i'd laugh about waking up in the stone age when her hair is messy like a cavegirl. Sometimes i'd ask if she got her outfit on moore st or that kind of banter

The other night she took 3 hours to get ready, but was still fixing make up in the car so i had a lot of jokes about that, like after three hours i was expecting the mona lisa....and maybe you should start getting ready on tuesday for sat night, as you stand a chance of being ready then

Our relationship has become so volatile, she explodes at nothing in an instant. I told her i think its funny when she starts screaming, but the screaming is getting more and more these days

OP making jokes directed at where she is from and how she looks is OTT I think. It is basically putting her down. Comments about expecting the mona lisa is like jokingly telling someone there are too fat or too thin. It is very personal, childish and not nice at all. I can't see why you can't stop making such comments considering you know it upsets her.

mood

Taltos wrote: »

Op if I was to really write what I thought of you I would be banned so instead can I suggest.
1 find someone from the good old country
2 grow up fast
3 just leave her alone

All you are doing is eating at her self confidence, hope you feel proud to be do mentally abusive, guess it is a sign of what a big man you are.

I'm from 'the good old country' (never even heard that expression before) and I wouldn't go out with a guy who would put me down like the OP does to his girlfriend.

Generally I like most people but those I don't then to be one who put other down like this. It's just nasty.

Taltos

mood wrote: »

I'm from 'the good old country' (never even heard that expression before) and I wouldn't go out with a guy who would put me down like the OP does to his girlfriend.

Generally I like most people but those I don't then to be one who put other down like this. It's just nasty.

Must be showing my age
Did not mean any disrespect to anyone from the country - just picking up on the OPs definition of where each of them are from. Personally it is not a big deal to me.
Who knows maybe the reason he is with the GF here is that all the women back home had the backbone to tell him to get lost - seeing him for what he was - an insensitive bully.

kylith

gf issues wrote: »

well i'm from the good old country and she's from dublin. So if she said something that sounded a it dulin i'd laugh and have a it of banter about the dub accent and ask her how many cars she burnt out today or did she make it to her methadone clinic. she's from a good area but is really sensitive about having a dublin accent which she doesn't really. First thing in the morning i'd laugh about waking up in the stone age when her hair is messy like a cavegirl. Sometimes i'd ask if she got her outfit on moore st or that kind of banter

The other night she took 3 hours to get ready, but was still fixing make up in the car so i had a lot of jokes about that, like after three hours i was expecting the mona lisa....and maybe you should start getting ready on tuesday for sat night, as you stand a chance of being ready then

Our relationship has become so volatile, she explodes at nothing in an instant. I told her i think its funny when she starts screaming, but the screaming is getting more and more these days

So you make fun of her accent, insinuate she's a criminal, insinuate she's a drug addict, tell her she looks like a cavewoman, tell her she's not attractive and then moan that she doesn't think it's funny?

What on earth is this girl doing with you?

Lady von Purple

I can't actually believe, in all of your complaining that your girlfriend is too sensitive, that it hasn't occurred to you that you may be being insensitive. As has been covered in great depth, you're the one with the problem here. Your GF, far from being too easily offended, sounds like she has the patience of a saint. But, beware, that patience is fast running out. If you continue to blithely ignore her sense of humour, and actually insult her- that's not banter, by the way. Banter is when she jeers you back and everyone has a laugh. This is just criticising your girlfriend and then laughing about it- she will dump you. You're not being funny. You're being mean. If your GF has to continually ask you to stop upsetting her, you're doing something wrong.

Fluorescence

There's a line between gentle teasing banter and downright insulting, rude behaviour. You've crossed it. Look: if someone tells you that they find something offensive or rude, then you're being an obnoxious ass by continuing to make jokes in that fashion. Also, laughing while she's screaming at you? Actually screaming? Jesus don't you realise how upset and wound up someone has to be to end up screaming at her boyfriend over a joke? Which you completely undermine by laughing and waving her concerns off as being "too sensitive".


I hope she dumps you because I don't think you'll cop on until you've been dumped a few times by women who are sick of emotionally manipulative, bullying men like you.

neuro-praxis

Wow, you've had a real bashing here, OP.

I'm sure you did not mean to intentionally put down or hurt your girlfriend, but I hope that by now you are realising that you have been in a pattern of behaviour that is not ok. However it is never too late to apologise, and do your best not to treat her this way again.

In fact, if I were you, I'd be taking things in the opposite direction for a while. It sounds like your girlfriend could do with some reassurance that you think she's beautiful.

nonsmoker

OP - people like you make me sick

You obviously have a lot of insecurites of your own so belittling, bullying and being downright ignorant to your poor girlfriend makes you feel better??

I agree with everything the other posters have said above. I cant stand people who are quick to dish out the 'personal insults' and try to pass it off as a 'joke', these same people cannot take it themselves when something is said about them!

I until recently had a friend who sounds exactly like you, always making 'jokes' about personal stuff that they knew I was already self concious of, we are no longer friends and I will never be again, I hope your girlfriend has the sense to dump you asap - she deserves so much better!

nonsmoker

neuro-praxis wrote: »

Wow, you've had a real bashing here, OP.

I'm sure you did not mean to intentionally put down or hurt your girlfriend, but I hope that by now you are realising that you have been in a pattern of behaviour that is not ok. However it is never too late to apologise, and do your best not to treat her this way again.

In fact, if I were you, I'd be taking things in the opposite direction for a while. It sounds like your girlfriend could do with some reassurance that you think she's beautiful.

How could he not mean to intentionally put down or hurt his girlfriend?? - saying one of his remarks once could be classed as unintentional but he repeatedly makes 'jokes' at her expense knowing that they upset her?!

As for reassuring his girlfriend - I think its a bit late for that now, he has eaten away at her confidence and obviously hurt her so many times that no matter how 'nice' he tries to be she'll be just waiting on the next insult and one of these days she'll have had enough and find someone who treats her with the respect and care she deserves from a partner.

sun_moon_stars

Your really taking the p**s out of your girlfriend and you don't care how your smart comments are hurting her
your not joking with her your laughing at her i don't think she is being overly sensitive she is hurt and has told you that so why don't you listen to her maybe she is a bit self conscious about the things you are saying to her did you think of that obviously not
I wonder if she was to pick up on the things your self conscious about and keep saying it to you how happy would you be?

Azureus

Banter is a two-way thing. Its an exchange of mild slagging, not a barrage of abuse from one person to the other. The first time it was probably mildly funny...the second time boring. The fact that she TOLD YOU it annoyed her, and you kept going is just disrespectful.
I have a fairly thick skin and can take a lot-but I give a lot back aswell. If your girlfriend isnt that type of person then it doesnt mean she doesnt have a sense of humour, it just means she doesnt have YOUR sense of humour (which imo is a good thing-its pretty lame). Back off, cop on, apologise for being an insensitive ass and get your relationship back on track.
Or end up single and emotionally beating someone else to shreds until the same thing happens again, whatever you want.

tawnyowl

I'll echo what everyone else has said and say that these "jokes" are at your girlfriends' expense and it's not surprising that she finds them hurtful.

I'd also have a look at the kind of jokes you and your mates laugh at - that may influence what you find funny. It sounds like you're into an extreme form of "laddish" or "blokish" humour and use it almost automatically as a response to a lot of events. Maybe looking into why you use it automatically would help.

It might help to try and listen more to people around you to see how they interact - I'd be surprised if everyone you knew came out with comments like those your girlfriend finds hurtful.

Needless to say, you need to turn over a new leaf - I know it's not easy to do - or your relationship will end very soon. You may need to learn to take things more seriously, to give compliments to your girlfriend on her appearance rather than slag her off.

And knock the jokes about where she (or anyone else) comes from on the head - stereotyping can be really offensive.