Number of sexual partners

LegacyUser

Anyone else have this problem, appreciate any thoughts. I'm 28 and on my third long term relationship and have also briefly dated someone so in short on my fourth sexual partner. My problem is during sex I get flashbacks to previous partners if something is similar and it makes me v uncomfortable. I have two cousins a similar age who are both married/engaged and who have only had one relationship so I feel a bit like the family you know what. I brought my ex boyfriend to one of the weddings and we shared a room I think looking back this made my parents uncomfortable but they didn't want to interfere. Now I'm not going to bring my current boyfriend to the next wedding but I still feel it's a bit "oh she has another boyfriend". my current boyfriend thinks it's madness to think pike this but the sex thing really freaks me out though haven't discussed that as much with him.

sandy1982

sandy1982 wrote: »

Anyone else have this problem, appreciate any thoughts. I'm 28 and on my third long term relationship and have also briefly dated someone so in short on my fourth sexual partner. My problem is during sex I get flashbacks to previous partners if something is similar and it makes me v uncomfortable. I have two cousins a similar age who are both married/engaged and who have only had one relationship so I feel a bit like the family you know what. I brought my ex boyfriend to one of the weddings and we shared a room I think looking back this made my parents uncomfortable but they didn't want to interfere. Now I'm not going to bring my current boyfriend to the next wedding but I still feel it's a bit "oh she has another boyfriend". my current boyfriend thinks it's madness to think pike this but the sex thing really freaks me out though haven't discussed that as much with him.

The amount of bfs I've brought home, 4th is pretty low in fairness you don't have anything to be worrying about!!
I promise!

neveah

I don't fully understand what your problem is? Is it that you feel you have had too many sexual partners or that you are worried about what your family think about how many people you have been with?

I am also 28 and I have had two previous long term relationships, so the next boyfriend I have (if ever!:D) will be my third serious boyfriend. Some of my cousins are married to fellas they met when they were 18/19, one cousin in particular said to me recently that if she could go back she would try and experience more before settling down. She was saying how lucky I was in a way because having lived a little and experienced a few different relationships she felt I knew better what I was looking for than maybe she did when she was a teenager. At the end of the day, it all happens in a different way for all of us. There is no right way but there is no wrong way either. As long as you are happy that's all that matters, it sounds like you are over-thinking things a bit. If your family have nothing better to do than talk about than how many boyfriends you have had then I feel sorry for them because there obviously isn't much going on in their own lives!

And for the record OP, in my opinion 4 sexual partners at the age of 28 is quite low. You have been in relationships with all of them as well so I can assure you, you are not 'the family you know what'. You are a normal 28 year old woman.

Wompa1

I had an ex who had loads of sexual partners and seemingly in a very short period of time. That played on my head for a good while alright. Kind of put me off her sexually at the time looking back on it. 4 though is no big deal. I wouldn't mention if you think about others during sex though, it sounds like you aren't enjoying it!

k4kate

Four sexual partners is fine. It's only if it's 4 on the same night it might be a problem.

Billy7878

k4kate wrote: »

Four sexual partners is fine. It's only if it's 4 on the same night it might be a problem.

or a great story!

k4kate

Billy7878 wrote: »

or a great story!

Or a porn movie (storyline unimportant)

Billy7878

k4kate wrote: »

Or a porn movie (storyline unimportant)

I know plenty of normal girls who have partaken in nights with multiple sex partners and it wasnt pornography or videoed, its a new world now and people shouldnt been judged because of threesomes or whatever, I think its quite a liberated attitude....

Peanut2011

OP, all I can say is that I wish there were more people like you in the world.

These days meeting the one and only is very rare and unfortunately most of us go trough like trying to find one. Quite often we end up going after the wrong one until much later when we realise that.

In this day and age having the sexual partners being the ones who were your serious relationship only is no big deal. Lets face it, that is just the way things go, especially when you get in a long term. It's the short term numbers people have a problem with.

k4kate

Billy7878 wrote: »

I know plenty of normal girls who have partaken in nights with multiple sex partners and it wasnt pornography or videoed, its a new world now and people shouldnt been judged because of threesomes or whatever, I think its quite a liberated attitude....

Bet you get lots of PM looking for their numbers:)

Maple

k4kate/Billy7878, please do not drag this thread any further offtopic with your banter. Take it to PM if you wish to continue your conversation.

Maple

LegacyUser

Peanut2011 wrote: »

OP, all I can say is that I wish there were more people like you in the world.

These days meeting the one and only is very rare and unfortunately most of us go trough like trying to find one. Quite often we end up going after the wrong one until much later when we realise that.

In this day and age having the sexual partners being the ones who were your serious relationship only is no big deal. Lets face it, that is just the way things go, especially when you get in a long term. It's the short term numbers people have a problem with.

Thanks for replies. In answer to one poster I haven't mentioned that I think about ex partners to him! I have mentioned that I think my number is a bit high he fell over laughing. I think the real thing is though his number is (much higher) I'd say I've had way more sex than him which is where my issue is cause you kinda build up a connection with someone it's more personel I think then one night things and the short term relationship I had I can remember very little about. It's like if my boyfriend ever uses a phrase my ex used just in day to day life I get a flash back and I hate it. I broke up withmy ex maybe it's guilt or something who knows.

Wagon

Sandy1982 wrote: »

Thanks for replies. In answer to one poster I haven't mentioned that I think about ex partners to him! I have mentioned that I think my number is a bit high he fell over laughing. I think the real thing is though his number is (much higher) I'd say I've had way more sex than him which is where my issue is cause you kinda build up a connection with someone it's more personel I think then one night things and the short term relationship I had I can remember very little about. It's like if my boyfriend ever uses a phrase my ex used just in day to day life I get a flash back and I hate it. I broke up withmy ex maybe it's guilt or something who knows.

Had a careful read and completely see where you're coming from on this now. I'd be like you so I've had the same feelings myself from time to time.

The trick to to remember that ex's are ex's and are in no way similar to your current boyfriend. Bear that in mind. If he says, or does, something can gives you a memory, remind yourself who you are with. It might sound simple but it does work eventually.

Try new stuff with your partner too, that you haven't done before. That'll push any ex's out of your mind

Daegerty

sandy1982 wrote: »

My problem is during sex I get flashbacks to previous partners if something is similar and it makes me v uncomfortable.

Yes OP that can be a torment alright when that happens and I feel your pain. You just can't help yourself and think about the other person. I suppose it applies to any activity like when you get on a plane or a boat or a thing you just can't help thinking about a previous time you were on one and the circumstances surrounding it good or bad.

I suppose with time the older memories will fade into the background more and they won't be there as much unless there was one lad who really stands out or was better in bed than the rest in which case the problem would be some bit more serious.

krd

sandy1982 wrote: »

My problem is during sex I get flashbacks to previous partners if something is similar and it makes me v uncomfortable.

It's kind of freaky, isn't it.

Intense experiences burn themselves into your memory and then flash back at you sometime you're not expecting them - or don't want them.

Sex can be a very weird experience. With all kinds of thoughts flashing through your head. Lots of people are uncomfortable with it fullstop.

Calling out someone elses name might cause you a problem - or lead to embarrassment.