Should I walk away?

LegacyUser

Hi, First Time Poster.

My boyfriend and I have been together just over 4 years and lived together for 3 of them. Things used to be great between us when we didn't live together but it seems like as soon as we moved in things started to go wrong. I'll get our sex life out of the way first - we don't have one. As it stands at the moment we've not had sex or proper intimacy for around 18 months. When we moved in together it dropped from having sex every day to having sex once every 3 months or so very rapidly. We had a great sex life before so I'm not sure what happened. When our sex life first started to dwindle I tried to arouse him with sexy underwear that he used to tell me he loved me in and he told me I was pressuring him for sex and not to dress like "a slut" again. Over the last 2 years I've stopped trying to initiate it as I am sick of being constantly rejected. I am considering asking if he'll attend couples counselling but it's as though he doesn't think there's anything wrong in our relationship.

As well as the sex life going under we've been under a lot of pressure financially, first of all I lost my job and then he lost his job, he now has another job but constantly berates me for not having work (I've been unemployed for 6 months), it's not although I'm not trying to get work though, it's just a very hard climate at the moment. He is also often grumpy and spends all evening, every evening on his computer in another room from me. Even if I go to him to ask him something it's like he's zoned out and can't hear me until I've repeated myself several times. I just can't understand what's gone wrong in our relationship. When we're out with friends he still seems like the same guy I was always with, kissing me etc, but when we're at home it's a different story. We also never go out ourselves anymore, and if we do he's constantly online on his mobile. He swears blind he loves me (and even apparently told one of his friends recently he wanted to marry me) but I wonder if he's only saying that to be kind. I love him to bits but am beginning to feel like he doesn't care the same for me and if it's better for my own health to walk away. I've started to put on a small amount of weight now and have gone up a dress size because I'm feeling so down about it all and see little point in making any effort anymore if it's not going to be noticed.

I am 27 and he is 29.

LegacyUser

The answer is yes you need to leave you are too young for this rubbish,i myself was in a realtionship like this and got out of it two months ago and i have never been happier i was with him for 5 years towards the end he showed me no interest at all and i couldnt put up with that treatment anymore.

Kevin Duffy

If you're satisfied you've done your best to get him to work on the problems with you and he hasn't engaged constructively, you probably already know what you think you should do, all that's stopping you is the fear of committing to the decision and a worry that you will regret giving up.

If there are things left you can do to improve the relationship and he'll work with you, why not try? If there's nothing left and/or he won't work with you, what's the point?

Witchie

So sorry to hear that things have gone bad but i think you need to leave now before he totally erodes your self esteem. It's a long road back if you take too much of this stuff and it may escalate rapidly when the connection is gone.

Also you would be wise to go now before there are added complications like wedding plans or children.

The longer you stay with him the more convinced you will become that this is what a healthy relationship is and that you dont deserve anything better.

You are lucky to be young and healthy, go out there and get a life worth living.

X good luck.