Childhood abuse affecting adult relationships

LegacyUser

Maybe I need a good kick up the a*** but I'm curious to see what you think of my predicament, and honest replies would be appreciated.

I'm unable to move on, that's the gist.

Here's a bit of a background.

Abused when I was a child, for 7 years, by someone older than I was.

This led me to feel a bit f****d up in the head.

I find myself unable to have adult relationships. It's always been platonic. Each time people expressed an interest in me, I somehow sabotage the chances. (If things get past a certain point, I get all jittery and anxious, with flashbacks)

I went to a counsellor about it. It was hell. This counsellor more or less told me that I allowed the abuse to happen as it went on for so long.

How on earth is an 8 year old child responsible for an adult male exposing himself to her, and pulling off condoms and the like?

Anyway... I digress.

Back on topic, i find myself unable to move on.

Any advice for me? Thanks.

This thread can also be used for others who wish to discuss their own experiences.

LegacyUser

Well for starters i'd get a new therapist. She was trusted by you to help you sort out your issues..not make them worse by saying it was your fault. what exactly did she say to say it was your fault?
Totally unaceptable conduct she has there.

My mother was abused as a child and she has never moved on from it, it's become her and she's not that nice a person because she never got the help she needed.

Can you not go to another therapist? If you don't get professional help then it will always be with you. Tell them about your last therapist too..

Write a diary, about your emotions, find a pattern when you are happy and when your down etc. and try to work on the happy bit and what makes you trust people or where your at your best and see can you work with that.

Don't attempt to have a relationship until you feel solid in yourself first, the last thing you want is this pattern to continue.Put any potential relationships on hold/ be friends.

I've met and had a few relatioships with people who were abused and they have all been toxic relationships, really were the worst kind of relationship I've had. None of them got help for it or wanted it so it had nothing to do with me anymore and ended the relationship and even that was hard as those ex's turned into somewhat psyhotic lunatics who turned to violence or frightening lengths because they were so full of anger at themselves!

So would you try the therapy again OP?

SheRa

Op you are in no way responsible for the abuse. Run far away from any therapist that tells you that. Would you try the rape crisis centre or one in four, both organisations that help victims of abuse and they may be able to refer you to a decent therapist. Trust me your last one should not have suggested that you were in anyway to blame.

CDfm

OP - just do not go back to that therapist.

If you feel you need therapy go to your GP on the first instance as they can get you access to the services you need or put you in touch with a counsellor.Its the GPs role to be your interface with the services etc.

starnight

hey first of all it is not at all your fault by any means, get help yourself I can not belive that your therapist told you that it was your fault.

I do understand what you are going through I was raped and abused at the age of 12 went on for a few months, I know it's not as long as you.

The person that abused you it is there fault and there fault alone no one else they took your child hood away as did the person that did it to me. Do not let anyone else tell you that it is your fault.

I am now 30 year's old and only dealing with the issuse now I blocked it out and have not delt with it until late last year and I so glad that I did.

It has ruined friendships and me having girlfriend's etc and also ties with family members.

All you can do is take one step at a time it will not go away over night by any means it will take time to get your head sorted out.

If you ever would like to talk you can mail me anytime. It's sometimes a little easy to talk to someone who has more or less gone throught the same thing.

I hope this help's a little and that you get it sorted

Plek Trum

+1 for contacting your nearest Rape Crisis Center.

Don't be put off by the name, they are experts with dealing with childhood abuse and helping people. It is a free service (donations are welcome). Ring the nearest one to you first if thats easier.

http://www.rcni.ie


I did and began to truely live my life 100% after counselling with them, cannot recommend them highly enough.

If you want to talk anything through feel free to PM me - mid 30's female if that helps. All the best and do try to take that first step.. they will help you the rest of the way.

starnight

I have to agree with Pleak they are amazing and will help you 100 per cent they help me.

miec

Hi Op

Like the two previous posters I have used and continue to use the services of the Rape crisis centre. I was abused for a number of years and it has had a massive impact on my life. Something that big cannot just be ignored or denied or shoved under the carpet.

I wanted to cry with frustration when I read about your counsellor blaming you, they should be reported. If you do seek help (and I know it takes huge courage) I would get a fully qualified therapist who is registered with the IACP at http://www.irish-counselling.ie/index.php/find-a-counsellor-psychotherapist

Some specialises in sexual abuse and trauma like you have suffered, and also there is the rape crisis centre plus one in four. If you wish to PM me you are most welcome. I have been working on this issue for years but it does get easier with time, plus I still struggle with relationships, that is one of the saddest effects of abuse, the fear of intimacy and a fear of trusting others. They rob you of that as well as everything else. I'm now working on trying to feel safe in this world because I want to reclaim back my life from the abuser.