Well now I feel like an asshole

LegacyUser

Ok, long one for yis. I'm a first year in college, 19 years old.

Met a girl recently at a party. We'll call her A.
Me and A hit if off instantly. First got properly talking to her in a nightclub, and then again back at the house party we had met at before we all went out on the town. Stayed up talking for approximately 8 hours straight, would have gotten with her but her friend wouldn't bugger off! We get on like a house on fire and we both fancy each other!

Anyway, during the course of that night, I realised why her face looked a bit familiar. It turns out that A is B's ex.

B is a lad I used to be good friends with in 2nd and 3rd year in school. between then and 6th year we gradually became distant and I rarely ever see him now. But never really parted on bad terms or anything. However during the years where we drifted he went out with a girl I am now very close friends with (We'll call her C). He messed her around, a LOT. Kept breaking up with her telling her he loved her but couldn't be with her, and of course her being a teenage girl madly in love she bent over backwards to please him. It seemed like he was effectively breaking her down so she would go begging for him to stay with her.
He ended up cheating on her and she (reluctantly I must say) called it a day.

So I find out A is B's ex and I ask her how long they've been broken up and she tells me.
3 weeks, and he's been onto her saying that he still loves her and all this but he's got to sort himself out. So, same old story then. A had talked with C about her time going out with B and what he did to C and stuff a couple of times while A and B were together. She copped what he was at then when he told her this "sorting himself out" stuff, and told him where to go. So now he's at her to come back to him but she doesn't want to go back!

So that's why A is now single. Me and her have been basically in contact through instant messaging and texting since the party (i go to college far away from home) and I really like her a lot and I know for a fact she likes me too!
B contacted A very recently and said he still loves her and all that, and he knew (somehow!) that there was something going on with us and he went on a good long rant down the phone at her before giving up and saying something along the lines of "fine, whatever".
I then heard from him, he said he still loves her, just look after her etc.

So now I feel like a complete asshole and I've done B wrong, even though I know he was messing A around and she doesn't want to be with him anymore and she said she likes me, and we're not even close friends anymore. We've arranged to meet up next time I'm home and I'm really looking forward to it but I can't help but feel like I should leave it?
What do you guys think?

greenprincess

wow you made that really complicated!!!

I would just see how it goes with 'A' feck 'B' he doesnt sound like a nice guy at all and your not friends with him so i dont see the problem. He cant force A to go back out with him and she clearly doesnt want to so just go out with her if you want :-)

hatz7

gave up reading after trying to follow the algebra, sorry

Sonics2k

hatz7 wrote: »

gave up reading after trying to follow the algebra, sorry

Your post is useless.

@OP
Read it, understand it, and even been there once.

This is a former friend you're talking about, someone you knew some years ago, but not anymore, so you have done nothing wrong.

Now my opinion would be quite different if he was a close friend (respect the Bro Code etc).

In this case though, if this girl is into you, then go for it. But just make sure you're not a rebound if possible.

Silverfish

hatz7 wrote: »

gave up reading after trying to follow the algebra, sorry

Banned.


S

HugoDrax

feelsbadman wrote: »

Ok, long one for yis. I'm a first year in college, 19 years old.

Met a girl recently at a party. We'll call her A.
Me and A hit if off instantly. First got properly talking to her in a nightclub, and then again back at the house party we had met at before we all went out on the town. Stayed up talking for approximately 8 hours straight, would have gotten with her but her friend wouldn't bugger off! We get on like a house on fire and we both fancy each other!

Anyway, during the course of that night, I realised why her face looked a bit familiar. It turns out that A is B's ex.

B is a lad I used to be good friends with in 2nd and 3rd year in school. between then and 6th year we gradually became distant and I rarely ever see him now. But never really parted on bad terms or anything. However during the years where we drifted he went out with a girl I am now very close friends with (We'll call her C). He messed her around, a LOT. Kept breaking up with her telling her he loved her but couldn't be with her, and of course her being a teenage girl madly in love she bent over backwards to please him. It seemed like he was effectively breaking her down so she would go begging for him to stay with her.
He ended up cheating on her and she (reluctantly I must say) called it a day.

So I find out A is B's ex and I ask her how long they've been broken up and she tells me.
3 weeks, and he's been onto her saying that he still loves her and all this but he's got to sort himself out. So, same old story then. A had talked with C about her time going out with B and what he did to C and stuff a couple of times while A and B were together. She copped what he was at then when he told her this "sorting himself out" stuff, and told him where to go. So now he's at her to come back to him but she doesn't want to go back!

So that's why A is now single. Me and her have been basically in contact through instant messaging and texting since the party (i go to college far away from home) and I really like her a lot and I know for a fact she likes me too!
B contacted A very recently and said he still loves her and all that, and he knew (somehow!) that there was something going on with us and he went on a good long rant down the phone at her before giving up and saying something along the lines of "fine, whatever".
I then heard from him, he said he still loves her, just look after her etc.

So now I feel like a complete asshole and I've done B wrong, even though I know he was messing A around and she doesn't want to be with him anymore and she said she likes me, and we're not even close friends anymore. We've arranged to meet up next time I'm home and I'm really looking forward to it but I can't help but feel like I should leave it?
What do you guys think?

Tell B that all is fair in love and war and keep A all for yourself.
You like this girl so why the hell should you give her up so this sap can take her because you feel like an 'asshole'? You are not an 'asshole.' You just have some stiff competition from this loser you barely know.

cafecolour

The rule is not to jump on your best mate's (or close mates') exes without their permission. I.e. people with whom you have a close relationship that could be ruined.

The rule is not 'don't date anyone who used to date anyone you even vaguely know'. If so, you'd have to change cities every time you broke up with someone!

How he treated he is immaterial. He's not a friend of yours - that's the point. Furthermore, if he told you 'just look after her', he's essentially giving you the go ahead / acknowledging you've got full rights to go for her.

So, no, you have no reason to feel any guilt, and no one expects you to.

Randy Shafter

OP, you have no reason whatsoever to feel guilty. Your friend messed 'A' around and that relationship ended. His loss and now it seems that he realises what he's lost. But tough. It happens. You and 'A' really hit it off. She isn't in any relationship with your friend so focus on getting on with 'A' and don't worry about your friend.