Think my gfriend is about to break up with me

LegacyUser

Im at a loss at the moment. I have been with my gfriend for 6 months and its been great between us. Granted this week I have been a bit clingy for personal reasons, she said to me last night that she feels pressured and needs her space, that maybe I need someone who can offer her more then she can. I said I was sorry its my own personal buzz and I promise I wont put her under any more pressure. She said it might not be that easy but put "nite x" at the end of the night. I havent heard from her all day now and she said she would call to talk about it. She was busy I know all day with 2 different matches to attend but I'm dying here, I text her earlier saying good luck in the match. I dont really know what else to do but give her space but I feel like the end is near. I really want to text her saying I am so sorry for putting her under pressure and I dont want to break up over it but then I know texting her now is probably not the best thing. Guess Im just venting, thanks for reading.

miec

Hi Op

If you have only been clingy this week due to personal issues I don't see how or why you should apologise, you have done nothing wrong. If you feel that you are clingy throughout the entire relationship then I can understand why your girlfriend said those things.

It is difficult when you feel needy, I suffer from this and have affected many relationships due to it as I tended to be clingy throughout the relationship and the other person was overwhelmed, if this is the case for you I would strongly urge you not to contact your girlfriend, let her do the talking, contacting you. At the same time I would examine why you cling to her (only if you do this all the time).

However, if you are only clingy for this week and her response is 'I can't deal with it', do you really want someone as self-centred as that in your life? The thing is we all get ups and downs, and surely you should be able to say to your boyfriend / girlfriend 'hey I'm feeling low, etc at the moment and would like some tlc', if they can't do that, then it is something you need to examine, do you want to be with someone who cannot support you?

Kevin Duffy

firsttimeicriedinalongtime wrote: »

I havent heard from her all day now and she said she would call to talk about it. She was busy I know all day .

Hi OP, it's only been one day and a day when you know she was busy. Maybe try to relax a bit and give her the bit of space she's asking for. If you've been good together for 6 months, it'd be a bit negative to focus on one day when all she did was do her thing, as she should.

Virgil°

Hi OP
I went through something very similar with one of my exes. Granted at the time i was fairly clingy throughout the relationship so i can see why they broke up with me.
Although as miec said if its only been very recently and due to other circumstances that you've needed a bit of extra attention and she does this then i'd question her her ability as a girlfriend.

"I need someone who can offer her more then she can"

This stands out to me OP. I don't want to upset you, but if she really said this then i'd be prepared for the worst.
If it does come to that hold your head high, don't beg for her to reconsider or stay and then don't contact her. You've done nothing wrong.
All the best OP.

Wompa1

Hang in there buddy. You know if she does break up with you then maybe it's not the worst thing. If she knows you have things going on in your personal life and it's only been for the week. She's obviously pretty self centered. My ex was very much like that too. It's only now that I'm not with her anymore that I see that she really didn't love me like she said she did. She loved herself.

I have a friend crashing at mine at the moment, his girlfriend is in France. They talk on Skype for at least an hour a day. She works harder than my ex ever did but still made the time for her b/f. I don't know, overall how things have been with your g/f but I don't think it's all that normal for a caring couple to in the very least not want to talk to each other or at least for her not to want to talk to you. But best of luck.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. She actually text me asking me out last night so I headed out to meet her and her mates. All was grand, when the two of us was on our own I asked her what the story was. She just said she felt bad that she always has stuff on and feels guilty if she says she cant meet me. I told her it was fine and it was just this week that I was clingy, seemed to be fine towards the end but I suppose time will tell. I'll leave the ball in her court for arranging things so I dont put too much pressure on her. I never needed to see her all the time, was only this week., Sure we'll see!

God...

I'm sure it will all be fine once you do as you say and leave the ball in her court for a bit.

You never know maybe she just had stuff on her mind too and it came out at you the other night. Although if she knows you're going through stuff this week and did end it due your behavior on this one week then I'm pretty sure after a few weeks of no contact with her you'd realize she wasn't worth it anyway.

LegacyUser

man, id be careful there, the fact she said 'it might not be that easy' was an out of line possibly manipulative comment to maybe string you along. that would be 'strike one' in my book. it shows a lack of respect . would you txt that to her if she was a bit clingy?

don't be a sucker, keep an eye out for the warning signs that you are being taken for a fool & if you are then get the hell out of there as its always better if you do the dumping (especially if someone is treating you with no respect)...

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for the replies. Well it happened, got the dreaded text on Sunday saying doesnt know where she is, needs some space.

I know what that means so I basically called it there and then, said we should meet up to get closure for both of us. She doesnt seem happy that I just ended it when she said she needs time to think.

Seriously if you need time to think its not worth it, im not hanging about. A break is just a word for someone to use who are too gutless to break up with you.

Onwards and upwards, Ill have my bad days and my good days but I've been down this road before.

Kevin Duffy

firsttimeicriedinalongtime wrote: »

I know what that means so I basically called it there and then.... She doesnt seem happy that I just ended it when she said she needs time to think.

I've been down this road before.

Maybe she really does just need a bit of space to think. Do you have something to lose by giving her that?

By any chance does being down this road before mean you're repeating a pattern that hasn't served you well in the past?

LegacyUser

No the texts were pretty final, I think she was just annoyed that I wasnt going to be strung along, she wanted the control maybe but the way she talked it was we had great times together, she needs to sort out her priorities etc etc. I suppose you never know after a few weeks cooling off but part of me doesnt want to go back down that route.

By been down this road before I meant I have been dumped once before, different reason then above, so I know how what it feels like to break up is all.

LegacyUser

well done man, if you dont have your self respect you got nothing in this life..forget about this 'give her space' bull****....she was angry at you because you got in first and outplayed her by dumping her...just forget about it and move on and DO NOT GO BACK or you WILL regret it. all the best

Moomoo1

firsttimeicriedinalongtime wrote: »

No the texts were pretty final, I think she was just annoyed that I wasnt going to be strung along, she wanted the control maybe but the way she talked it was we had great times together, she needs to sort out her priorities etc etc. I suppose you never know after a few weeks cooling off but part of me doesnt want to go back down that route.

By been down this road before I meant I have been dumped once before, different reason then above, so I know how what it feels like to break up is all.

I think that if you do take her back you should stipulate that she doesn't throw a wobbly every time you want to see her more often than usual.

She is right: she perhaps cannot offer you what you want. Which is a gf who doesn't feel the need to ration the time you get to spend with her.

God...

firsttimeicriedinalongtime wrote: »

No the texts were pretty final, I think she was just annoyed that I wasnt going to be strung along, she wanted the control maybe but the way she talked it was we had great times together, she needs to sort out her priorities etc etc. I suppose you never know after a few weeks cooling off but part of me doesnt want to go back down that route.

By been down this road before I meant I have been dumped once before, different reason then above, so I know how what it feels like to break up is all.

Fair play, you done the right thing I'd say!

Micky 32

I'm 40 and in my experience "space" and " Don't know where i am " is usually the begining of the end. You did the right thing.

LegacyUser

OP here, so we met up during the week so I could get a proper reason for myself to move on. SHe said she never wanted to break up, only wanted space. I was very much she should take some time off and just think about what she wants. She then thought I wanted to break up with her based on that statement.
I told her she knows what I want but she is the one who has these issues that she has to deal with. She wants to give it another go, I said as long as we can work on communication I would be willing. That was wednesday and its now saturday and i havent heard from her no way im texting her, she was the dumper.

Wompa1

firsttimeicriedinalongtime wrote: »

OP here, so we met up during the week so I could get a proper reason for myself to move on. SHe said she never wanted to break up, only wanted space. I was very much she should take some time off and just think about what she wants. She then thought I wanted to break up with her based on that statement.
I told her she knows what I want but she is the one who has these issues that she has to deal with. She wants to give it another go, I said as long as we can work on communication I would be willing. That was wednesday and its now saturday and i havent heard from her no way im texting her, she was the dumper.

Good for you OP. My relationship ended a good while ago now and I'm still itching to talk to and see my ex. You seem to have a much stronger resolve than I do. Hopefully we both find women more deserving of us!!

seenitall

firsttimeicriedinalongtime wrote: »

OP here, so we met up during the week so I could get a proper reason for myself to move on. SHe said she never wanted to break up, only wanted space. I was very much she should take some time off and just think about what she wants. She then thought I wanted to break up with her based on that statement.
I told her she knows what I want but she is the one who has these issues that she has to deal with. She wants to give it another go, I said as long as we can work on communication I would be willing. That was wednesday and its now saturday and i havent heard from her no way im texting her, she was the dumper.

Going by this post, things are becoming clearer all the time - the woman is a classic head-wrecker. I wouldn't be surprised if she turned around and dumped you for good now that she got what she wanted, i.e. you to retract your initiative in ending it.

I would steer well, well clear if I were you, OP, and learn to spot this kind of head-wrecking, mind-messing behaviour early on in the future.

Best wishes.

IrishEyes19

Wompa1 wrote: »

Good for you OP. My relationship ended a good while ago now and I'm still itching to talk to and see my ex. You seem to have a much stronger resolve than I do. Hopefully we both find women more deserving of us!!

+ 1 to this, Wompa. You are strong obviously if you havent talked to your ex. That a show of courage already. Its terribly hard not to pick up the phone and dial. And OP, from my woman's perspective. This girl is a head wrecker as others have stated. A break is just a cowards way of ending things. Now granted, its not always that case, people do geniunely need space and time. But from your posts, her behaviour screams "I wanted to get there first," and I think you deserve better. Everyone both men and women deserve someone who gives them proper attention, makes time for each other, but the most important thing Ive learnt from my past relationships is relationships should make you happy. True it always involves some form of worry and nerves, but 90 percent of the time, a relationship should compliment the better side of you, excite you, and challenge you in a positive way.

If Ive learnt anything, its that I wont settle for the worries, and fear that some relationships have brought with them anymore. If you spend half your time worrying that you were too clingy or why they havent texted or why they are acting distant, then its not the right relationship for you. Its not your fault. It just didnt work out.

Moomoo1

keep not texting her

LegacyUser

Op here, well I had a moment of weakness and text her yesterday. Have got no reply! Pretty annoyed at myself for texting but just wanted her to know I want it to work out. Ball is firmly in her court now so I guess I'll just have to go in to no contact mode now.

Wagon

firsttimeicriedinalongtime wrote: »

Op here, well I had a moment of weakness and text her yesterday. Have got no reply! Pretty annoyed at myself for texting but just wanted her to know I want it to work out. Ball is firmly in her court now so I guess I'll just have to go in to no contact mode now.

Don't beat yourself up over it.

Still though, wanting things to "work out" in this case would probably mean her not texting you or bothering you again. Lets me honest here, she hasn't exactly been the most mature or decent person over the whole thing, as in she has tried to reverse the whole thing to make it out to be your fault as a means to alleviate her guilt.

No reply from her is probably the best outcome there is mate, and don't worry. The moments of weakness will evaporate and you'll feel better in no time.

Wibbs

Like wagon said don't beat yourself up over one text. FWIW I think you read this correctly and handled this right on the money from the very start. Kudos.