I need to change my life

LegacyUser

Guys,

I need to get some advice and I don't know where best to find it.

Basically my life is in a deep rut and I don't know how to get out of it. I've been in my current (and only) job for over 10 years since leaving university. The work is average enough, but it provides me with a reasonable standard of life. However, I do fear I have become slightly institutionalised.

I have very few friends now as marriages and time has separated us all. I struggle now to make friends and socialise. I've previously tried counselling to help me through the depression I get because of this. However, I (and the counsellor) feel that the issue is now well known and it is up to me to do something about it.

My parents have quite a close grip on me (even though I'm over 30). It is so strong that I feel it is an accomplishment when I buy clothes for myself in a shop!

Basically I feel that I need to escape from Ireland and get away to somewhere else in order to develop myself and break the chains of home. I live in a city but go home every weekend to work on our farm. I have no friends to stay in city with and my parents expect me home to help.

I work during the week so rarely get the opportunity to go out other than to gym and a night class which I usually take every term. I go to cinema alone sometimes but have got into habit of watching DVD's in my room instead.

I am in process of asking my employer (large corporation) about possibility of secondment to USA for a period of time. However, with economic climate there, my lack of suitable experience, and my parents probable disapproval I can't see it happening.

The sites which the company has in the UK do not appeal to me.

I recognise that to mature get out and make friends I need to avoid going home every weekend and that the best way for me to do this will be to move away so as I will have no excuses for an easy cop out.

I've always liked the USA and I know people there who seem to have a ball there. I don't know if my thinking is tainted with their FB updates but I do know it is better than what I have here.

I find my city is very cliqish - country folk stick together and the city folk stick together. They are hard groups to break into.

I also feel that my job is limiting me as it is not providing me with what I feel to be a sufficient amount of commerically useful skills. However, otherwise it is a good company and the job is very secure.

I am a very risk-adverse person and I am totally scared by what I need to do.

A secondment to USA is my no.1 objective. However, I don't know how to go about getting a visa. It seems that a lot of people from home area with little skills (I have degress to Masters level) are over there working in unskilled jobs but I cannot get in with my degree.

This means that I will probably have to fall back onto a subsequent objective. This is what scuppers me. I don't know what else I can do.

What can I do to improve my situation. I have to get this resolved this year as one more year like the previous numerous years will put me in a place where I don't want to be.

I would love any advice on this as I am wasting my life due to my risk-adverse nature andsubservient manner towards my parents.

I need to start living my life for me, not for others.

LegacyUser

Just re-reading through this, it strikes me that I'm focusing on main objective and not lining up alternatives to my preferred USA option.

I guess it is because I don't really know what my options are other than USA. I suppose all I can do otherwise is go to England but I don't think I'd suit England (although what makes me think I'd suit USA, other than a desire to live there).

Hmmm...

krd

Your move to the US, is your best bet.

I think you need to get away from your parents.

Someone I'm related to had a very similar problem. Her mother deeply controlled her life. Even down to the tiniest details. She was in her 30s and her mother was pretty forceful about who she could be friends with and who she couldn't. She ended up with nearly no friends, over-weight and depressed. Her mother then died - and her life was transformed.

A trip to the US could really transform your life. A lot of people change for the better when they hit the US.

Your friends working in non-skilled jobs are working illegally - regardless of what they tell you.

Go on holiday there - apply for jobs and even try to fit in an interview while you're on holidays. What you're looking for is a HB1 visa or an intercompany transfer visa, which hopefully you could get from the company your with.

If all else fails - try a working holiday

Ireland is a lonely and unfriendly country. The worse thing about the celtic tiger years, is people really disappeared up their own,,,,you know what I mean.

HugoDrax

Can't you tell your parents to feck off and that you are not a child?