Mortified

LegacyUser

Last night I asked my boyfriend did he find me attractive. He went red in the face, got flustered and just fobbed me off. I'm mortified and can't look at him since. Should I just end the relationship?

I am a friend

Why did you ask him that? Surely if he is your boyfriend he compliments you and if not, why are you with him?

It does sound like you are over reacting tbh

Kevin Duffy

Perhaps he's just not given to expressing his feelings easily, particularily when asked.

There's far too little information in your post to credibly answer your question and it's ultimately a question only you could answer anyway.

LegacyUser

I've put on a lot of weight over the years plus he seems disinterested so I just came out with it and asked him. Wasn't really expecting such a reaction. A little bit gutted to say the least.

I am a friend

Do you have a sex life?

S23

Well you know he can still love you and not be as attracted to you as he once was. I mean you've just said you've put on a lot of weight. I mean what constitutes a lot of weight? If you've put on 4 stone in the space of a year then it's only natural he won't be as physically attracted to you.

I'm not having a go but this might be the wakeup call you need if your weight gain is getting out of control. Have you done anything to stop or reverse it?

If my OH put on 4 stone I can't imagine I'd find her as physically attractive. I'd still love her but 4 stone of flab wouldn't exactly be enticing.

I think there are issues here beyond the question you asked

Dudess

It wouldn't be reasonable to get upset at him for something he can't help - it's not constructive anyway. Instead, maybe be pro-active?

Kevin Duffy

non registered wrote: »

I've put on a lot of weight over the years plus he seems disinterested .

Is the weight a problem for him? Or is it a problem for you? Perhaps he doesn't care, but a loss of confidence, as demonstrated by the question, has affected your attractivness to him?

Is his seeming disinterest just about you, or other issues? Money worries? Work pressures? He could have other things going on, which have made him feel less attractive to you, which, in your eyes, manifests itself as disinterest in you.

To start with, at the very, very least, you need a candid, calm, constructive conversation with him, with a lot more than one question with a vague answer.

dublin daz

You probably just embarrassed him by asking such a random question.

Maybe he is shy and you've to ask yourself is this a typical reaction? If he is shy then you'll know, if he's not shy then I would ask again and possibly finish it.

I wouldn't be in a relationship if I didn't find we were attracted to each other, just means there will always be window shopping down the road, ie not happy at home.

tinkerbell

non registered wrote: »

I've put on a lot of weight over the years plus he seems disinterested so I just came out with it and asked him. Wasn't really expecting such a reaction. A little bit gutted to say the least.

There's your answer. If you've gained a lot of weight, you are not the same person that he was attracted to when you first started dating. So why don't you do something about it, start eating properly and exercising.

lace

OP, I can understand how that was upsetting and I think I'd probably be taken aback if my OH reacted in that way, but you may have just caught him off guard. Weight gain is difficult to deal with, and he probably knows it's a touchy subject for you and was afraid he'd put his foot in his mouth and say something to upset you.

Have you ever talked about your weight gain as a couple or discussed how you feel about it? Explain to him that you know you've put on weight, and it's making you feel unattractive. If he knows how you're feeling and knows he can talk to you about it he might be more open and comfortable with trying to make you feel better.

Mighty_Mouse

I've put on a lot of weight over the years plus he seems disinterested so I just came out with it and asked him.

It's a bit unfair to blind-side him?
Why not make the effort to change your habits over the next 4 weeks.
Develop impulse control, begin light exercise........ask him to help you by coming along on regular walks and slowly bring up the topic in that context.