Girlfriend leaving me for someone else?

LegacyUser

My girlfriend has been spending a lot of time with someone from work and i was getting very jelous and she promised me that i was being overly jelous and she loves me and noone else,
Last week she brought him to her place and he spent the weekend there in the spare room
When i confronted her about this she told me she had feelings for him and she was sorry and burst into tears.

We got in a bit of a fight and we ended it.
She told me she loved me but she had feelings for someone else and there was no way we could go on, I agreed with her and i left.
She has sent me a few texts saying sorry and i texted her back saying that if we really loved each other we could make it work,
She texted back that it wouldnt be fair on me us going out and her having feelings for other people.
I didnt text back, She texted me again the next night saying she wanted us to meet up and chat about it but i didnt text back.
I really miss her and i cant stop thinking about her
I dunno what i should do
Should i forget about her or should i try and fix this?...If its possible?
Any advice would be much appriciated

lpool2k05

This is a hard one..I think time is the answer...You should defo leave her be for a while until she figures out exactly who she wants. She might relise that her feelings for this other man might not be as strong as she thinks and she actually misses you...

Life is hard sometimes and we just have to grin and bear it..Believe me ive experienced the same..Unfortunately she never came back to me ..

Marcus_Crassus

I would completely forget about this. Why did she have the fella who was causing contention even sleeping in her house?? That's a tad bit inconsiderate.

It seems like she may be slightly immature. She's clearly what I would call colloquially a 'wreck the head'.

I completely disagree with the poster above -- why wait around for her to make up her mind? Why wait for her to come crawling back? She either wants you or she doesn't; don't let her saunter off with some other bloke and then come running back to you when she finds out the grass wasn't greener. Do you really want to be a puppet like that?

seenitall

No, OP. The way your story reads to me is she is just contacting you out of wanting to assuage her guilt about effectively dumping you for another guy. If you listen to what she is saying, she doesn't want to be with you at all. Guilt is all it is; she's well on her way into another relationship!

As you love her and are naturally all cut up about the split, I'd advise you to cut contact now (explain it to her though), so you can heal and move on properly. This ship has sailed.

Best wishes.

HugoDrax

What.becomes.of.the.brokenhearted wrote: »

My girlfriend has been spending a lot of time with someone from work and i was getting very jelous and she promised me that i was being overly jelous and she loves me and noone else,
Last week she brought him to her place and he spent the weekend there in the spare room
When i confronted her about this she told me she had feelings for him and she was sorry and burst into tears.

We got in a bit of a fight and we ended it.
She told me she loved me but she had feelings for someone else and there was no way we could go on, I agreed with her and i left.
She has sent me a few texts saying sorry and i texted her back saying that if we really loved each other we could make it work,
She texted back that it wouldnt be fair on me us going out and her having feelings for other people.
I didnt text back, She texted me again the next night saying she wanted us to meet up and chat about it but i didnt text back.
I really miss her and i cant stop thinking about her
I dunno what i should do
Should i forget about her or should i try and fix this?...If its possible?
Any advice would be much appriciated

Here her out first before you make your move.
Meet up and have a proper heart to heart.

jimmycrackcorm

HugoDrax wrote: »

Here her out first before you make your move.
Meet up and have a proper heart to heart.

A heart to heart is not going to fix this situation as it appears not to be a problem between the op and his GF. He cannot do or offer her anything to prevent her having feelings for other people.

There'll be another girlfriend along to love....

kjl

Cut all contact with her, she is not worth it mate.

Taltos

OP - think about it this way.
Why waste one more second talking to someone who has NO respect or regard for you?

Say adios but cut all contact. Any communication now is really all about her feeling better about herself...

Bloody Nipples

Yeah any conversations will inevitably involve her attempting to convince you that it's right for her to leave for someone else becuase well it's just not fair on you that she's having these feelings? :rolleyes: This is a classic attitude dumpers take, out of feelings of guilt, and is an attempt to manipulate the situation so that in her own mind she's doing the right thing.

This girl has allowed herself to get emotionally involved with someone else while in a relationship and that shít just don't fly. Ignore all contact because trust me she' doing it for her own benefit rather than yours. If you don't make contact you make your attitude to this cheating crystal clear.

I bet, even though she claims to be in love with you, she would, without compunction, hook up with this guy w/o any "feelings for other people" muddying the water. Honestly, she's just attempting to save face at this stage.

Balmed Out

You may find it hard to hear but youve been let off the hook here. Better now then she did this after marriage and kids. There will be a day when your with someone else, someone better and you will say thank god that happened. Seen it so many times with so many people.

Cut contact, delete numbers, email addresses etc. You will get over it far quicker then. Dont prolong the agony.

Vicxas

Leave it until these feelings for the other guy either go away or she'll be with him. sorry OP but the only option is to wait.

BraziliaNZ

Vicxas wrote: »

Leave it until these feelings for the other guy either go away or she'll be with him. sorry OP but the only option is to wait.

wait? what? this girl deserves no more time from this poor guy. You can't dick someone around like this and expect people to be civil with you. Cut all ties buddy - no one deserves to be treated like this. I have no sympathy for this girl, she needs to grow a pair and let you go, she's just keeping in touch out of guilt or possibly to keep you there as a parachute in case things go wrong. You should not be subjected to this so move on.

LegacyUser

What.becomes.of.the.brokenhearted wrote: »

My girlfriend has been spending a lot of time with someone from work and i was getting very jelous and she promised me that i was being overly jelous and she loves me and noone else,

ok she denied that there was a reason for you to be jealous, gave you vague reassurance that she loved you, but had no problem knowing you were jealous and was spending lots of time with a "work colleague" assuming, outside of work hours

What.becomes.of.the.brokenhearted wrote: »

Last week she brought him to her place and he spent the weekend there in the spare room

emm.... that sounds about as dishonest as possible. If he were there purely to hang out as a friend, surely you would have been invited to hang out as her bf - alarm bell warning

What.becomes.of.the.brokenhearted wrote: »

When i confronted her about this she told me she had feelings for him and she was sorry and burst into tears.

Guilty conscience at being caught, has tried to lie to you but you found her out and she couldn't handle it ie crying for the guilt/pity/crocodile tears

What.becomes.of.the.brokenhearted wrote: »

Should i forget about her or should i try and fix this?...If its possible?
Any advice would be much appriciated

I wouldn't waste your credit, heart or time on someone who has tried to pull the wool over your eyes and openly deceive you. She obviously told you that he stayed in the house because of some guilt or feeling obligated to say very casually, oh so and so was staying at my house and just happens to be the guy you were jealous about spending time with me.

and yes, you had every right to be jealous.

Most likely if you meet up, she will want to dissolve any guilty feelings she has about lying and deceiving you and justify her actions about having feelings for this guy. You were her bf and she had feelings for someone else, but instead of being upfront and honest in the "look I have feelings for someone else, can we take time out" she had him lined up behind your back until YOU CAUGHT HER OUT. Otherwise she would have just cheated on you with him had you not confronted her.

All she's going to be looking for is to massage her own ego in having you still have feelings for her and no doubt you will tell her this if you meet being eager to work things out. She would have just kept you stringing along as a bf until she had started things with the other guy, keeping you as a safe bet should it go sour or should he not reciprocate her feelings.

bullet dodged imo, don't give her the satisfaction of justifying her actions, and she'll probably get the same things she did to you done to her and look to come running back to you in tears - don't let her back into your life. Cut contact and move on.

S23

What.becomes.of.the.brokenhearted wrote: »

Last week she brought him to her place and he spent the weekend there in the spare room

I hate to sound harsh here OP and I'm not being a pr*ck for the sake of it but do you really believe this?

He spent the weekend in her spare room? Did he f*ck!!!!! He spent the weekend having sex with her is the much more likely scenario.

I'd agree with the above about her looking to ease her guilt conscience. She's taking the piss to be honest. I know it's hard with the emotion involved but get your sensible head on here. She's shown you absolutely no respect. If she does come back to you it will be because, as pointed out before, she's found out the grass isn't always greener.

As tough as it is walk away and cut all contact. You'll get over it in time but it's alright to feel heartbroken. When someone treats you as badly as she has it's a natural feeling.

Sonics2k

S23 wrote: »

I hate to sound harsh here OP and I'm not being a pr*ck for the sake of it but do you really believe this?

He spent the weekend in her spare room? Did he f*ck!!!!! He spent the weekend having sex with her is the much more likely scenario.

I'd agree with the above about her looking to ease her guilt conscience. She's taking the piss to be honest. I know it's hard with the emotion involved but get your sensible head on here. She's shown you absolutely no respect. If she does come back to you it will be because, as pointed out before, she's found out the grass isn't always greener.

As tough as it is walk away and cut all contact. You'll get over it in time but it's alright to feel heartbroken. When someone treats you as badly as she has it's a natural feeling.

As harsh as this sounds, it's the truth.

There is a tiny tiny chance they didn't sleep together, and frankly, you don't want to be involved with someone who'd do that.

LighterGuy

S23 wrote: »

I hate to sound harsh here OP and I'm not being a pr*ck for the sake of it but do you really believe this?

He spent the weekend in her spare room? Did he f*ck!!!!! He spent the weekend having sex with her is the much more likely scenario.

I'd agree with the above about her looking to ease her guilt conscience. She's taking the piss to be honest. I know it's hard with the emotion involved but get your sensible head on here. She's shown you absolutely no respect. If she does come back to you it will be because, as pointed out before, she's found out the grass isn't always greener.

As tough as it is walk away and cut all contact. You'll get over it in time but it's alright to feel heartbroken. When someone treats you as badly as she has it's a natural feeling.

+ 1 million.

op, we've all be messed around by people. Its hard, but this is so clear a blind man can see it. Im sorry to be blunt as well but she spent this weekend having sex with the guy.
She used you. She was staying with you until she got someone else. That guy. All this "sorry" stuff is crap. Its to ease her guilty conscience as said above.
and sadly the line "it wouldnt be fair on you to continue" is utter BS. She doesnt want to continue. Im sorry to tell it the way it is, but there is no use sugarcoating things. We grow from our bad experiences. We get harder. We learn to see through peoples crap. Its going to be a tough time over the next while. But you must see things for what they really are ... because sadly stuff like this could happen again to you if you dont.


im sorry man.
but stop all contact with her. shes the past. shes nothing to you. Shes dirt.
Its ok to spend the next while being heartbroken. Only a stone would not being effected by this.

Moomoo1

I'd wait for a couple of weeks and see if she persists in trying to get in touch

then I'd agree talk to her on my own terms and see what she says, but make no compromises whatsoever

CDfm

OP - it seems to me that your girlfriend has notions and believes she can do what she wants.

It is risk free if she can do that and sail in and out of your life.

For me -this would be Jerry Springer territory and there would be no point in meeting up unless you had items belonging to each other that you were giving back and even that could be done by post. Toothbrushes etc can go in the bin high value items box up & post. Keys return by post.

She is not the person you thought she was and she is not honest or respectful. Why would you want to put yourself thru listening to explanations you do not believe.

So if there is no unfinished business - you do not want to be in competetion with someone you know you cannot trust - just let it go and drop her from your life.

I would not get into text discussions other than asking her to stop texting and I would delete her from my phone.

You simply do not need the aggravation or the bull****.

There are plenty of decent women out there .

LegacyUser

oh man, move on, no two week debates, she is not the one for you.

Wibbs

Bloody Nipples wrote: »

Yeah any conversations will inevitably involve her attempting to convince you that it's right for her to leave for someone else becuase well it's just not fair on you that she's having these feelings? :rolleyes: This is a classic attitude dumpers take, out of feelings of guilt, and is an attempt to manipulate the situation so that in her own mind she's doing the right thing.

This girl has allowed herself to get emotionally involved with someone else while in a relationship and that shít just don't fly. Ignore all contact because trust me she' doing it for her own benefit rather than yours. If you don't make contact you make your attitude to this cheating crystal clear.

I bet, even though she claims to be in love with you, she would, without compunction, hook up with this guy w/o any "feelings for other people" muddying the water. Honestly, she's just attempting to save face at this stage.

This in such a big way.

Vicxas wrote: »

Leave it until these feelings for the other guy either go away or she'll be with him. sorry OP but the only option is to wait.

Sorry I disagree with this. This is an option if the chap wants to look and act like a complete sap. Him waiting for love(nonsense at this stage) will just tell her he's OK with cheating, doesn't respect himself and is lesser than her. Not exactly attractive traits.

Moomoo1 wrote:

I'd wait for a couple of weeks and see if she persists in trying to get in touch

then I'd agree talk to her on my own terms and see what she says, but make no compromises whatsoever

OK but why should he bother? What's so valuable about this person who has already proven they're emotionally daft or "confused" or untrustworthy and likely all three? Life is waaaaay too short for dealing with that Moomoo.

Sod passivity, be active OP. Scrape her off as fast as possible. Cut ALL communication with her. No txts, drunken phonecalls. Do not get sucked into any BS of "but, but why can't we be friends? *with added tears for effect*". You likely have enough friends, and quality is always better than quantity on that score. Get you and your life back. Connect with mates, go out, have fun, move on. Worried you wont find love again? Don't. Half the world's population are women. They're not exactly rare and neither are decent ones so I guarantee you'll be able to upgrade from this ex.

Moomoo1

Wibbs wrote: »

OK but why should he bother? What's so valuable about this person who has already proven they're emotionally daft or "confused" or untrustworthy and likely all three? Life is waaaaay too short for dealing with that Moomoo.

Because even though she has acted badly it doesn't mean that he should act badly also? There are few things that hurt more than someone refusing to talk to you.

S23

Few things more hurtful than someone refusing to talk to you? Hmm how about your girlfriend inviting some bloke from work she fancies over for the weekend so he can ride the arse off her?

The OP owes her nothing. All he has to do is say it's over and I want to move on best of luck with the rest of your life. Him not wanting to talk to her doesn't qualify as 'acting badly'.

He's entitled to take charge of the situation to protect his already devestated feelings. Any continued communication is only for the GF's benefit and not his. If you think he owes her communication to ease her rightfully guilty conscience then you're miles off.

Ickle Magoo

I'd cut your losses and move on OP. If she contacts you again say it's over, you don't want to discuss it and you won't be entering into any further communications with her. Then do that.

Life is too short to give time or headspace to people who have no respect or care for you or your feelings. There a million other potential mates out there, there is absolutely no reason to dwell on one that fails to live up to even the most basic of expectations.

All the best.

CDfm

Moomoo1 wrote: »

Because even though she has acted badly it doesn't mean that he should act badly also? There are few things that hurt more than someone refusing to talk to you.

The OP is not the one who has been dishonest and cheated here - the OP is the honest injun.

So really the OP needs to put himself and his emotional well being first. She already has put herself first thru cheating openly and keeping her options open.

Not getting embroilled is not hurting her but a bit of preserving dignity and respecting himself.

Wibbs

Moomoo1 wrote: »

There are few things that hurt more than someone refusing to talk to you.

I figure tough. IMHO the second the oul cheating daftness and subsequent emotional shiftiness come out she lost all conversational privilege. I've seen too many people end up being strung along because the other one is pushing buttons. Usually of a guilt trip nature. Her breaking down in tears is button pushing 101. If she cared for the OP would she be off likely getting naked and sweaty with the bloke from work? I think not. Non selfish behaviour would be if she no longer wanted to be with the OP she dumped him before inviting the new guy over to her house.

Staying in contact with her accomplished nothing. I pretty much guarantee if he does, he'll be back in a few months with more tales of woe.

Sonics2k

Moomoo1 wrote: »

Because even though she has acted badly it doesn't mean that he should act badly also? There are few things that hurt more than someone refusing to talk to you.

Yes and one of the worst feelings in the world is knowing someone you're in love with has blatantly been having an affair, and has been lying to you.

To hell with it not being fair that he won't talk to her, what she did is one of the most unforgivable things a person can ever do.