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Dont want a girlfriend

  • 08-04-2011 2:47am
    #1
    blahblah82
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8 ✭


    This is probably going to sound strange. In fact I kinda dont get it myself.
    Im a 28 year old straight guy. Ive never been in a relationship, not even close, and Im a virgin.
    As if that wasnt strange enough, it doesnt bother me at all! I have only probably twice really, properly fancied a woman and it was hell. I hate anything having that power over me. Of course both times it came to nothing. People I know are probably wondering if Im gay or whats up with me but I dont care anymore. I had a really **** upbringing that resulted in me becoming a cynical cold hearted bastard and also, I have extremely low self esteen and I think I have social anxiety disorder. This has also killed my sex drive. Intimacy is terrifying to me. I can feel so bad/nervous around women that it kinda puts a roadblock on anything happening. I cant even say anything.
    Anyway that may have sounded like something I want to fix but I dont. I honestly dont care. Ive accepted that this is it for me. Im never going to try again. When I think of it, the only reason I ever did, is cause it was expected of me. Women have chatted me up and whatnot aswell, but I didnt care. What I want to ask is, is there anyone else out there who is in my situation, almost 30, a virgin, not dating and not wanting to?
    Id hate to think Im the only one! :)


Comments

  • #2
    prinz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,598 ✭✭✭✭prinz


    People just not being interested in that side of life is one thing. It happens. Relationships and sex is not for everyone. However, and it's a big however, this...
    I had a really **** upbringing that resulted in me becoming a cynical cold hearted bastard and also, I have extremely low self esteen and I think I have social anxiety disorder. This has also killed my sex drive. Intimacy is terrifying to me. I can feel so bad/nervous around women that it kinda puts a roadblock on anything happening. I cant even say anything.

    ...is not normal and I would suggest counselling for it. It doesn't matter if your aim is not to get into relationships or not, but you really can't go through life being afraid/nervous/intimidated by women.


  • #3
    Katgurl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,145 ✭✭✭Katgurl


    Hi op,


    I'm with previous poster I'm afraid as it sounds like you are denying yourself the opportunity to engage with other people. I would
    also recommend counselling, you migh find that things get a but messier, a few pitfalls by allowing people in but ultimately it will be a much richer, rewarding existence.


    Best of luck


  • #4
    Permabear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39,022 ✭✭✭✭Permabear


    This post has been deleted.


  • #5
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    Fair play OP - you seem to have your head screwed on in terms of knowing who you are. Others would carry that baggage (for want of a better term - I don't mean it disparagingly) into relationships without getting it sorted. However, as others have said, you appear to be going too much the other way: allowing it to control your life, rather than you controlling it. You say you don't care, but why did you start a thread? I appreciate, as others have said, not everyone's into relationships and getting intimate, but it would be a shame not to have that option if the desire ever arose - and it could.

    Do speak to someone to exorcise the demons of your past...


  • #6
    missgroovy21
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 138 ✭✭missgroovy21


    If you didnt see love and relationships when you were growing up off course you are going to be slightly tarnished by that......

    Not wanting someone in your life.....Im sorry I dont believe that!!!! If you are afraid sad and lonely talk to someone about it....i agree councelling would be a great option for you and dont be afraid to express how you feel at any given time.....

    as for the sex thing....being a virgin in your late 20s is nothing to be ashamed off at all.....

    as for women....as a woman!!! most of us dont bite we like a good chat were the guy is actually staring at our eyes and not our breasts makes a refreshing change to be honest

    http://www.karunacounselling.ie/
    http://www.accesscounselling.ie/?gclid=COf3kcKajagCFUdP4QodrXs6Cw
    http://www.mindandbodyworks.com/

    even look at the websites see what you think!!!!
    also for anxiety and issues like that maybe a yoga class there should be all male ones if you dont want a mixed one

    good luck


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