Yet another "girl at work I really like" tale of woe.

LegacyUser

There's a woman at work I really really like. She's a close collegue for a few years now and we get on well. At first I thought she was just being nice and friendly but I began to realise that she seemed really interested in me, giving all the signs, a touch on the hand, playing with her hair, up close body contact. The problem (unknown to her) I was still in the final stages of getting over a previous relationship and so was cagey about getting involved again.

Eventually after about a year (amazingly she still seemed interested) I asked her out for a coffee or movie (not an easy thing to do with the complications of a collegue) but she turned me down. No explaination, just a polite "no". It knocked me back a bit but fair enough she's not interested, no biggy. However she still kept up the flirting with me, always saying how she needs 'something' and how her friends are married, etc (it got a bit needy for a while too which I admit was off putting) but yet she still wasn't willing to come out with me.

This went on for another year, I tried to ignore it but since last Summer I've realised I'm crazy about her. To me she's absolutely wonderful, she's bright, intelligent, I see a beauty in her that other's overlook and I love to hear the sound of her voice. She kept up the flirting (only more subtly) and always seemed appreciative of every compliment I gave her yet still wouldn't come out with me. Just a polite "no" (again) but she still maintained the bond, even giving me a lovely great big hug in front of everyone at Christmas.

Then suddenly after Christmas she stopped flirting and has become more distant. Shes been going through a tough time lately at home and tbh it's only going to get tougher.

Her behaviour has changed so much it has left me confused and frustrated. I don't know if she's genuinely disinterested or just bad timing. She seems to be running hot and cold, usually pleasent to me other times indifferent.
I know she's going through a rough spell and that may be part of the reason. I'm sensing she's feeling low about herself and is looking for reassurance. She has, on occasions, dropped (fished) the odd comment about being old and unattractive which I quickly told her was rubbish (because it is in my eyes), and that seemed to perk her up ever so slightly.

I recently asked her and yet again she politely declined, but this time just wants to keep it professional. I was a bit embarrassed and annoyed at another brush off (and she sensed that), but I've kept a professional distance ever since. We still get on well but she's still fishing for the odd compliment or emotional support. Sometimes I give but mostly I've stopped because I don't want to be toyed with any longer.

I'm not really sure what to do now, I've basically given up hope that this is going to be a temporary phase as it's been going on for months now. I'm willing to wait a while longer to see how it pans out but without something substantial I'm starting to lose faith and I'm coming to the conclusion she's just playing silly buggers.

Perhaps it's time to find someone else (not easy as I'm no great looker) and let her be, alone. What do you good folks think?

PS: Sorry for putting y'all through that rubbish rant.

Reesy

Sorry mate, but in my ignorant opinion it sounds like she's stringing you along, for whatever selfish or immature reason. I'd give up on her & look elsewhere for a partner who won't mess you around.

IrishEyes19

I agree with the above poster and although this might sound callous and cruel, if she flirts heavy with you again, Id pull her up on it, simply because Id expect if I was given a no answer 3 times, that the person in question would lay off on the flirting, but she doesnt sound like it.

I get it also that this suggestion may seem crazy to you since you obviously really like her and dont want to ruin a friendship either, but if its torturing you which it must be, it cant go on either

Mulan

I'd have to aggree with Irish eyes on this, its time to call the shots yourself and tell her to lay off the flirting. I think this is all about controll from her point. Don't be anyones office flirting play thing. She'll get some shock but sounds to me that it might be required
Good Luck

ash23

I see this all the time in work. There are some girls who are in relationships or have zero interest in the lads here but still flirt heavily, fish for compliments etc, but if the poor blokes were to ask them out they'd run. These type of girls generally have a (imo) high opinion of themselves and think they're doing guys a favour by flirting with them, but also think they are way out of the league of the guys they flirt with.
She has no intention of going out with you. She is using you to stroke her own ego and I think you're realising that.
Keep your distance and brush her off when she fishes for compliments.

One girl here is a size 6 I'd say and is always saying how fat she is. One of the lads turned one day and said "jays, yeah, you are looking a bit plump lately". he was just so sick of her daily whinge about how fat she was.