meeting birth mother for the first time on friday!

allysla

Hi everyone,

Hope I'm posting this in the right place. As the title says I am due to meet my birth mother on friday and am completely petrified. Obviously I have wanted to do this for years so I feel like its just the nerves talking. My birth mam was only 17 when she gave me up, (she is now 41 and I am 24), and she was forced to give me up by her mother. So she kept me for as long as she could, which was six months after I was born. She then went to search for me when I was 18 but the counsellor told her I was too young to go through it. Then I searched for her at the age of 22. We have been exchanging letters every few months and have sent pictures of each other but there isn't much chat going on in the letters. She has a family of 5 now and they all know about me and also want to meet me at some stage.

I met with my adoption counsellor last week and she filled me in on the process. She told me to be prepared for an emotional day which is to be expected but she also said the fact that my birth mother had me for six months will make me feel like I have a feeling of completeness after meeting the woman. She also said that she is extremely quiet and hard to talk to, which scared me. I am the opposite and would talk to the wall but will prob be different in this situation. I also feel like I will have nothing in common with this woman and am afraid that the meeting will be so awkward that I will never want to meet her again. I never had a proper connection with my adoptive parents but had a great up-bringing so I have no feelings of anger or resentment towards my birth mother. Im not sure if there will be some sense of connection between us on friday but I really dont have my hopes set on it. And I am also clueless as to what will come of this meeting.

I would really appreciate any advice on how to deal with this or some stories from people who have been in a similar situation because at the moment i feel so scared that I am going to back out. Please help

boost creep

a friend of mine recently met his own birth mother for the first time, he's
37 years old, he said even though it was a nerve wracking experience it
was really worth it. they're now getting on very well.
even though you've been told that she is a very quiet woman you
should not let that worry you, she obviously wants to meet you again, if
i was you i would try to keep my feet firmly on the ground though and try
not to expect too much too soon.
i'm sure everything will work out for the two of you, i really don't know
what you must be feeling like ahead of your meeting but i genuinely wish
you all the best!

allysla

thank you so much for your reply. Every time I hear a positive story, it eases my worries that bit more, so thank you. I actually don't know what I'm feeling either but I am expecting to experience all types of emotions from now until then and more than likely after the meeting too! Will let you know how it goes and I hope it works out for your friend.

kathy finn

hi, first of all congratulations on ur reunion, im sure it will all go well. maybe ur birthmother is just quite around the adoption councellor, she might not have had a good experience with sw in the past.
the only advice i can give u is to be urself, when i met my birthfamily for the first time i brought lots of pictures of me in my childhood it kept the conversation going. don,t try to fit everything into friday, im sure u have lots of questions but don,t bombard her on ur first meeting. good luck and keep us posted how it goes...kathy

Ironman76

Hi

I met my birth mother for the first time in 2001 when I was 25. At first it was fantastic but within a few months her true colours came out. I had three sisters too that I never met. One, none of them werent speaking to, the other was jealous I was back on the scene as she was close with my mother and the third was delighted I was back but her and my mother were bickering at each other all the time over who I spend time with etc. I lost touch with them all in 2002 and havent seen them since. They are all based in England.

My mother had serious issues with me being Irish and Catholic too which didnt help. I spent my first Christmas with my family in 2001 but I got the flu and I was told I ruined Christmas .

But Im glad I got to meet her and get it out of my system. Id rather know my mother is an idiot than not know anything about her at all.

I know its next to impossible but try not to concentrate too deeply on the fact that this is your biological mother. Its kinda like a relationship when you meet someone youre crazy about and vice versa and you end up smothering the relationship before it even gets off the ground. Concentrate on the positives no matter how small. One thing I didnt appreciate at the time is that my mother loves animals. She had loads of pets in the house which is pretty cool when I think about it as Ive always loved animals too.

And for Gods sake dont lose touch with her no matter what happens. I tried to contact my mother last Christmas but it turns out shes moved house, my sisters too. And all my sisters have since gotten married so cant find them either. And if theres anyone in your mothers life you get on with keep in touch with them too. Always leave a door open somewhere. It is extremely overwhelming at first and the state of mind of yee both will be all over the place.

Trust me if your mother is the quiet type youre on a winner already. Mine never shut up lol.

Good luck.

tyview

Hi I met my BM last year (when I was 28) and to be honest I was terrifed too. So much so that I was couldn't keep any food down for a couple of days before we met. I was told that my BM was shy and quiet too but that wasn't the case when we met. People think that about me too when they meet me for the first time. Try and not expect anything, good or bad. Take it simply as a first meeting. You can decide from then on what you would like whether it be a further meeting or whatever. The other thing I would say is to try and enjoy it. You could bring extra photos and things with you so that if you feel theres an awkward moment, then you can whip them out. I really hope things go well. Best of luck and try not to worry about it!

MaryMagdalene

Hi I met my daughter for the first time last March and I was just as nervous so I am sure your BM will be too.

Be yourself, she will love you for who you are or not perhaps but its better to be honest from the beginning.

We met and there was an instant bond but it isn't easy by any means and we are taking it very slowly.

However, I am not sure why or if this is normal (maybe other adoptees might comment) despite it all going so well and I was on such a high for days suddenly and I'm not sure why bang I went through a few days of complete analysis and such a vast range of emotions (some horrible/depressing ones) that it was very important that I had the support of my husband who kept me grounded. It helped that he had met her too.

Make sure you have someone who is there for you afterwards for support.

Good luck and keep us all informed

Moonbeam

Good Luck:)

misterdeeds

allysla wrote: »

Hi everyone,

Hope I'm posting this in the right place. As the title says I am due to meet my birth mother on friday and am completely petrified. Obviously I have wanted to do this for years so I feel like its just the nerves talking. My birth mam was only 17 when she gave me up, (she is now 41 and I am 24), and she was forced to give me up by her mother. So she kept me for as long as she could, which was six months after I was born. She then went to search for me when I was 18 but the counsellor told her I was too young to go through it. Then I searched for her at the age of 22. We have been exchanging letters every few months and have sent pictures of each other but there isn't much chat going on in the letters. She has a family of 5 now and they all know about me and also want to meet me at some stage.

I met with my adoption counsellor last week and she filled me in on the process. She told me to be prepared for an emotional day which is to be expected but she also said the fact that my birth mother had me for six months will make me feel like I have a feeling of completeness after meeting the woman. She also said that she is extremely quiet and hard to talk to, which scared me. I am the opposite and would talk to the wall but will prob be different in this situation. I also feel like I will have nothing in common with this woman and am afraid that the meeting will be so awkward that I will never want to meet her again. I never had a proper connection with my adoptive parents but had a great up-bringing so I have no feelings of anger or resentment towards my birth mother. Im not sure if there will be some sense of connection between us on friday but I really dont have my hopes set on it. And I am also clueless as to what will come of this meeting.

I would really appreciate any advice on how to deal with this or some stories from people who have been in a similar situation because at the moment i feel so scared that I am going to back out. Please help

May I wish you and your mother all the best and really hope it goes well for you both

allysla

thank ye all so much for the wonderful comments... less than 24 hours away now and im stil as anxious as ever.. my best friend is going with me but is not allowed in to the room which is expected. i honestly dont know what to expect. i think it is the fear of the unknown but ye're right, whether it goes well or the complete opposite, it is something that I have to experience and I should be thankful that I can experience the day as I know there are many people out there that would do anything for the chance.
Fingers crossed anyway. Will let ye know how it goes. Say a prayer for me!

allysla

ps its great to feel like you have support of people who truly understand what im going through so thank you so much!

boost creep

all the best for tomorrow, i know it's easy for me to say but try not
to get too worked up, it's not you who should be feeling any pressure,
try not to expect too much on the first day, let us know how you get
on, my fingers are firmly crossed for you!

the_syco

How'd it go?

cybersheepz

allysla wrote: »

Hi everyone,

Hope I'm posting this in the right place. As the title says I am due to meet my birth mother on friday and am completely petrified. Obviously I have wanted to do this for years so I feel like its just the nerves talking. My birth mam was only 17 when she gave me up, (she is now 41 and I am 24), and she was forced to give me up by her mother. So she kept me for as long as she could, which was six months after I was born. She then went to search for me when I was 18 but the counsellor told her I was too young to go through it. Then I searched for her at the age of 22. We have been exchanging letters every few months and have sent pictures of each other but there isn't much chat going on in the letters. She has a family of 5 now and they all know about me and also want to meet me at some stage.

I met with my adoption counsellor last week and she filled me in on the process. She told me to be prepared for an emotional day which is to be expected but she also said the fact that my birth mother had me for six months will make me feel like I have a feeling of completeness after meeting the woman. She also said that she is extremely quiet and hard to talk to, which scared me. I am the opposite and would talk to the wall but will prob be different in this situation. I also feel like I will have nothing in common with this woman and am afraid that the meeting will be so awkward that I will never want to meet her again. I never had a proper connection with my adoptive parents but had a great up-bringing so I have no feelings of anger or resentment towards my birth mother. Im not sure if there will be some sense of connection between us on friday but I really dont have my hopes set on it. And I am also clueless as to what will come of this meeting.

I would really appreciate any advice on how to deal with this or some stories from people who have been in a similar situation because at the moment i feel so scared that I am going to back out. Please help

HIYA!!! We have pretty much have the same story going here!!! my biomom was 16 and gave me up. im 24 now and filled in the tracing form a few months ago and now a match has been made! i never had a real connection with my birth parents either, even tho i had a great upbringing and i am just dying to see some biological relatives!

I hope your meet up went really well and that you feel great about it! I have one main question here, how long from being told that a match had been made to actually meeting up was it? I am terribly impatient as a human being and I would just love to have a time frame on this!

THANKS AND CONGRATS!!:P