finding out the guy you were with is engaged...

LegacyUser

I went out this weekend, met a lovely guy…

Questioned him like you should before getting involved….

Are you single? Yes. I havent been with anyone for a long time...

So after have far too many drinks and heading back to my friends place, things went too far.

We swapped numbers, he spoke of seeing me again. He even went as far as after leaving his coat, having to get a taxi to come back to get it,he tells me it was worth the taxi fair just too see me again.

Later that day I was on facebook. I thought "hey I’ll befriend him on here".
Only to find that he’s engaged!!! Only recently so also… It was the reason why he was out.

Heres where I did a little cyber stalking...

His gf/soon to be weify lives in the US but travels back and forth to be with him.

Here is my dilema… Do I say something or say nothing?

SheRa

Well if it was me I'd want to know.

If you do tell her, give her exact details of where you met him, as she'd prob be more likely to believe you then.

Katgurl

i can only give you my opinion on what i would do if it was me in your situation, i'm not saying its the right thing, jsut what I would do.

I would walk away and put it out of my mind. Yes, she deserves to know but its not your problem.

If he gets in touch i would tell him you know he's engaged and please dont contact you again or you'll tell teh fiance.


Seriously, if you're like me and most people, i'm sure you have way too much going on in your own life to voluntarily get swept up in somebody else's mess.


What a prick though. Ugh.

LighterGuy

becomingTheCheatee wrote: »

Here is my dilema… Do I say something or say nothing?

Weather it be lying, stealing or cheating a person always runs the risk of being caught, told upon or exposed. In this case Facebook exposed him. He ran the risk and now its on you weather or not it bites him in the ass. He has put you in a deep questioning situation.

All I can say is if i put myself in your shoes (Obviously genders reversed) and if I met a girl, slept with her, found out she was to be married? and i didnt know the boyfriend? ... but have a means to tell him (over facebook) ... i'd tell him. Its an 'everyman for himself world' but we have to have a bit of decency in us. Then its up to the unsuspecting partner to realise they have been told a revelation or be a fool and think I was lying. Its on them.

Its not like you know this girl. its not like you really know the guy. Theres keeping your mouth shut for an obvious sh*tstorm that would come your way if you were friends... then ... theres showing one has no decency.

common sense brigade

Presumably this girl is going to uproot from USA to marry this guy or vice versa. So if she comes here I think this is quite serious. Her whole life will be ruined if she marries this guy. Its very sad situation and he is a complete loser. Normally i would say stay out of it but as there is a strong possibility she will uproot herself for the scumbag I think you should email her. Paste this thread explain your genuine as can be . give her all the details etc.

dublin daz

You're the innocent person in all of this, granted you might feel bad being used or lied too.

I would move on, forget him and his soon to be wife and let them worry about their future.

Its not your problem, so why harbour other peoples problems?

Forget him but if he does contact you again then tell him you know and you'll tell his girlfriend.

I doubt he is very concerned or losing sleep especially if he added you on FB - which also begs the question, if he knew you'd see his relationship status why would he add you?

Anyway I'd just forget all about it and move on.

Beruthiel

becomingTheCheatee wrote: »

Here is my dilema… Do I say something or say nothing?

You had a one night stand with some random bloke, find him on Facebook, find out he is with someone and now wish to get involved in that?

Think you should just let this go and move on.

LegacyUser

All valid resaons...

Firstly he didnt add me to facebook I went to add him, his wall post stated he was engaged. So I didnt go any further. I wasnt planning on doing anything until my mate told me more about the situation (she's been in contact with the brother of the guy).

I've been cheated on by a guy before so I know I'm biased in this situation. Which is why I asked for advice. I'd want to know but not everyone does.

I know it was only a one night stand, that could be another reason why I'm confused. Its not something I've done before, I also expected it to go on to more things.

I am a friend

I would definitely want to know rather than waste my life, move country, job, leave family etc for a loser like that.

Amy33

If I were you I would just move on, if you tell his girlfriend she probably wouldn't believe you anyway.

Katgurl

sunflower27 wrote: »

If she deserves to know, who else is going to tell her? The only person that actually can is the OP.

Agree that he is a prick. What a nasty guy.

I see your point sunflower but its not the OPs problem.

I would walk away fast personally unless your life is going through a particularly quiet period and you fancy some drama to spice it up.

I'm not joking btw, i just wouldnt' have the energy.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Did he post that he's engaged or does he have 'engaged'as relationship status

Ask him about it. Sometimes mates put themselves down as 'engaged' or even 'married' because they're such good mates.

Alternatively he may not have seen her in ages and could be planning on cancelling the engagement.

Maybe meeting you made him realise he doesn't want to marry this girl.

Of course its also possible he will marry her and wanted a f*ck, but if that was me I wouldn't have let you find out my surname if my facebook stated I was engaged.

Anyway I'd establish exactly what is going on before you tell his potential fiancee

I always post that honesty is the best policy, but given this situation I think you would be better off staying clear of it. It was just a ONS. There is a possibility you have the wrong end of the stick, and even if you don't - nah, leave it be and de-friend him.

smiles302

Does his facebook page have congrats on getting engaged etc? Or is it simply he's changed his status to engaged?

Personally I would text him and ask if he is engaged, say you saw it on his facebook.

Maple

Say nothing OP, it's a horrible thing to have found yourself involved in and through no fault of your own.

But your responsibility is to yourself, chalk it down and just move on.

mood

OP I don't think she will believe you. He will obviously lie.

missgroovy21

im with common sense brigade.....tell her!!! its sisterhood....she may think your a bitch but at least she'll know the truth......i like the pasting this thread in with the email...tell her you didnt know he was engaged your not that type of person and you felt she should know....dont do it from your own fb account set upa knew one with a fake name maybe????

dublin daz

missgroovy21 wrote: »

.dont do it from your own fb account set upa knew one with a fake name maybe????

Pot and Kettle?