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advise

  • 05-04-2011 9:21pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hello,
    I try keep this brief. I have fallin for my gay male best friend (I am straight female) I know you are all going to think this always happens, but this kind of thing never happens to me, I really strong emotionally and level headed. Cant believe it. I cant get it out of my mind, I have tried everything to switch feelings off. We are soo best of friends and he makes me so happy.
    Dont know what kind of advise I look for, maybe ideas on how to get this out of my head and move on....
    Feel so stupid writing this...HELP :-0


Comments

  • #2
    Aishae
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,800 ✭✭✭Aishae


    as your best friend, might he understand if if you told him that you had feelings for him - but that you didnt want to act on it because you know he's gay... but you'd appreciate any advice he has on getting past it?


  • #3
    Booon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭Booon


    If you tell him you have feelings for him, it may change the dynamic of your relationship. He's unlikely to have those kinds of feelings for you, and it will make things awkward if he knows you're crushing on him. I know he's your best friend, but I think you need to reduce the amount of time you spend with him for a while.


  • #4
    Aishae
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,800 ✭✭✭Aishae


    Booon wrote: »
    If you tell him you have feelings for him, it may change the dynamic of your relationship. He's unlikely to have those kinds of feelings for you, and it will make things awkward if he knows you're crushing on him. I know he's your best friend, but I think you need to reduce the amount of time you spend with him for a while.

    youre right - it could change the dynamics. this is one of those situations where how well you know the person, how they act and react etc... all comes into play. you - the OP - would know the best how to handle that one (even if it doesnt seem like it)

    i had a thought - as he is your best friend perhaps that means you're also a bit more touchy feely - as people often are with best friends - which wouldnt help you get over him so id agree with the suggestion to step back a bit at least until you feel 'sorted'


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi, thank you for all responces.
    I told him before, and he kind of knew, but he didnt mind at all. In fact I think he liked it. But yes we are touchy and flirty and ott tbh most of the time. He was with girls before, but long ago. would I make move??

    QUOTE=Aishae;71560232]youre right - it could change the dynamics. this is one of those situations where how well you know the person, how they act and react etc... all comes into play. you - the OP - would know the best how to handle that one (even if it doesnt seem like it)

    i had a thought - as he is your best friend perhaps that means you're also a bit more touchy feely - as people often are with best friends - which wouldnt help you get over him so id agree with the suggestion to step back a bit at least until you feel 'sorted'[/QUOTE]


  • #6
    Booon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭Booon


    I wouldn't just "make a move" if I were you. If he has been with girls in the past, it doesn't necessarily mean he will want to be with a girl in the future. Unless he's bisexual, which you haven't made clear. Many gay people have relationships with the opposite sex before they realise they're gay, or to try it out or for many other reasons.. I told you not to mention it and try to move on, but you really seem like you want to take some action so the best thing would be to just discuss it with him I guess.

    If you do make a move on him, and it works and you end up together for a night.. that may actually be worse than not making a move at all. Sex can happen quite spontaneously, and often between friends. For you, it will be happening because you're pushing it, but he may just go along with it.. out of drunkeness, or just because he wants sex. You're the one with the strong feelings of love, yet he just sees you as a close friend. That should be a clear enough barrier for nothing to happen at all.

    So you should probably talk to him first, if you really want to pursue this. My advice would be to think long and hard about your friendship with him, whether what you're feeling is actual love and not just an intense infatuation, and also whether it's worth it to potentially change the nature of your friendship for the worse!


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I see your point, but as I have feelings for him, the friendship has changed anyway right?? and it is unfair for both of us, if I am feeling something more.
    I am not happy with just sitting back, I have done it for too long. Is it so wrong to want to just go for it??
    Booon wrote: »
    I wouldn't just "make a move" if I were you. If he has been with girls in the past, it doesn't necessarily mean he will want to be with a girl in the future. Unless he's bisexual, which you haven't made clear. Many gay people have relationships with the opposite sex before they realise they're gay, or to try it out or for many other reasons.. I told you not to mention it and try to move on, but you really seem like you want to take some action so the best thing would be to just discuss it with him I guess.

    If you do make a move on him, and it works and you end up together for a night.. that may actually be worse than not making a move at all. Sex can happen quite spontaneously, and often between friends. For you, it will be happening because you're pushing it, but he may just go along with it.. out of drunkeness, or just because he wants sex. You're the one with the strong feelings of love, yet he just sees you as a close friend. That should be a clear enough barrier for nothing to happen at all.

    So you should probably talk to him first, if you really want to pursue this. My advice would be to think long and hard about your friendship with him, whether what you're feeling is actual love and not just an intense infatuation, and also whether it's worth it to potentially change the nature of your friendship for the worse!


  • #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    where is my last post??
    Booon wrote: »
    I wouldn't just "make a move" if I were you. If he has been with girls in the past, it doesn't necessarily mean he will want to be with a girl in the future. Unless he's bisexual, which you haven't made clear. Many gay people have relationships with the opposite sex before they realise they're gay, or to try it out or for many other reasons.. I told you not to mention it and try to move on, but you really seem like you want to take some action so the best thing would be to just discuss it with him I guess.

    If you do make a move on him, and it works and you end up together for a night.. that may actually be worse than not making a move at all. Sex can happen quite spontaneously, and often between friends. For you, it will be happening because you're pushing it, but he may just go along with it.. out of drunkeness, or just because he wants sex. You're the one with the strong feelings of love, yet he just sees you as a close friend. That should be a clear enough barrier for nothing to happen at all.

    So you should probably talk to him first, if you really want to pursue this. My advice would be to think long and hard about your friendship with him, whether what you're feeling is actual love and not just an intense infatuation, and also whether it's worth it to potentially change the nature of your friendship for the worse!


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