Parents

LegacyUser

I'm in college, and struggling at my course. And I'm very clumsy and forgetful! I've never had a good relationship with my parents. Ever. I feel no matter what I do is ever good enough. And I can't talk to them at all about real stuff either. I don't think my Dad and I have had a real conversation in our lives. I even tell my mother about gfs and stuff so I'm not totally quiet.
I genuinely forgot about mother's day on Sunday (I thought it was next week) and my mother went on as if I don't care about her. Dad's work isn't exactly booming, so I help out when I'm at home and I don't mind at all. I'm really concerned about our financial situation, so I never ask for anything. I haven't been on one class trip, and I paid for my own J1 last year, to release the burden on my parents for the summer.
When I'm helping at home, I'm afraid to do the work in case I mess up and Dad will go crazy. I end up taking ages for simple tasks and it frustrates him more than me. He always makes snide remarks, one of his fav is that I'll never get a job I'm that useless.
My parents never really trusted me, and I can't really say why. When I forget things and stuff, they make it out as it was intentionally malicious.
I owed a nice sum to the college for repeats. I said I owed less to my parents, and they gave me half of what I said, and I paid the other half. I then find out my Dad opened a letter addressed to me from college and saw what I really owed. My plan was to get a loan and pay it off with my earnings from my J1. No one would have known, and everyone would be happy. I know that sounds untrustworthy but I don't want them to worry about me as well as everything else.

I really feel alone in all of this, and I really don't know what to do anymore. This whole mess is always at the back of my mind and its really weighing me down. I'm a really happy person on the outside, but this is killing me inside.

HugoDrax

sadstudent wrote: »

I'm in college, and struggling at my course. And I'm very clumsy and forgetful! I've never had a good relationship with my parents. Ever. I feel no matter what I do is ever good enough. And I can't talk to them at all about real stuff either. I don't think my Dad and I have had a real conversation in our lives. I even tell my mother about gfs and stuff so I'm not totally quiet.
I genuinely forgot about mother's day on Sunday (I thought it was next week) and my mother went on as if I don't care about her. Dad's work isn't exactly booming, so I help out when I'm at home and I don't mind at all. I'm really concerned about our financial situation, so I never ask for anything. I haven't been on one class trip, and I paid for my own J1 last year, to release the burden on my parents for the summer.
When I'm helping at home, I'm afraid to do the work in case I mess up and Dad will go crazy. I end up taking ages for simple tasks and it frustrates him more than me. He always makes snide remarks, one of his fav is that I'll never get a job I'm that useless.
My parents never really trusted me, and I can't really say why. When I forget things and stuff, they make it out as it was intentionally malicious.
I owed a nice sum to the college for repeats. I said I owed less to my parents, and they gave me half of what I said, and I paid the other half. I then find out my Dad opened a letter addressed to me from college and saw what I really owed. My plan was to get a loan and pay it off with my earnings from my J1. No one would have known, and everyone would be happy. I know that sounds untrustworthy but I don't want them to worry about me as well as everything else.

I really feel alone in all of this, and I really don't know what to do anymore. This whole mess is always at the back of my mind and its really weighing me down. I'm a really happy person on the outside, but this is killing me inside.

At the back of it all your parents love you and are trying to look after you.
Your Dad is caught between a rock and a hard place - he knows you are not a child but he knows you don't know enough to survive on your own. He gets annoyed when you mess up because it worries him that if he wasn't around you would be lost. He is only watching your back. That's what Dads do. Just watch the movie Taken with Liam Neeson - he plays a Dad who is uneasy about his daughter heading off on her own to Paris and when she is kidnapped his worst fears are realized and he goes over to France to get her back - and you will understand what I mean.
Don't worry about Mother's Day - your mother misses you when you are away and when you forgot about Mother's Day it reminded her that you are not a child anymore but a young adult who is not at home all the time like before.
The fact is your parents will never stop loving you, worrying about you and most importantly interfering and annoying you until the day they die.
Just wait until you have kids of your own and they will be trying to tell you how to rear them for you
So relax and enjoy being young when you are allowed to make mistakes.

When you leave college for work bosses are going to scream at you, cops will give you speeding tickets, your spouse will be giving out, babies will be bawling and kids fighting. You will still have to pay the mortgage, the electricity bill and put food on the table.

Then you will be looking back with nostalgia on your college years.

So lighten up and be positive. Negativity will just get you down.

krd

sadstudent wrote: »

I genuinely forgot about mother's day on Sunday (I thought it was next week) and my mother went on as if I don't care about her.

Mothers' day is a recent American import. It wasn't even a big deal deal in the US until a few years ago - until Hallmark, the card manufacture putting millions into promoting it.

You should have told your mother: "of course I did something for you - you're going to be a grandmother"

Your parents sound like typical eye rolling fat Irish beasts. Get away from them as soon as you can. Don't let them destroy your confidence. Some people have good, supportive parents. Some people don't. You don't

Your father sounds like a useless Paddy Whack. No decent person ever tells their children they're useless. Get out of there, get as far away as you can and have nothing to do with them. They'll only drag you down. Build a decent life for yourself. And most importantly: ask yourself, would you ever treat your own children as you parents treated you.

I know it's painful. But what can you do. You have your own life to lead - somethings you have to scrape some stuff off your shoes and walk on.

And more importantly: do you want to pass your parents crap onto another generation.