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follow him overseas?

  • 05-04-2011 7:00pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    hi lads,

    Boyfriend of around 6 months is interviewing for a really good job overseas. He made the decision to apply a couple of months ago and didnt consult me - which didnt bother me at that time because it is a big opportunity for him and we were very new as a couple. He's really excited about it and looks like he may actually get it. If he does, it will be a quick turnaround and he'll be gone within a couple of months.

    So...now I'm sad. First of all, he has never said he is in love with me, but he was badly hurt in a previous relationship so he has always said that he is very cautious. When I told him that I love him - because i cant hold things in!; he replied that he was too afraid to get into anything too deep until we know what will happen next (job and country wise).

    Secondly, we agreed that if he does get the job that I could go there for a 'holiday' of a month or two, but he is still encouraging me to apply for positions at home etc and never once asked me to move with him. While I probably wouldnt just drop everything and follow him, and I like the holiday idea - I still would have liked that he would ask me to go with him in a more serious way. He asks me about my plans and what I'm going to do next, but never asks me to go with him. Truth is I dont have any plans, i'm secure in this job for another while and then I'll be ready to move to another position, but not immediately.

    He once asked me if I was not making any plans because I was "waiting" for him to ask me to go with him. This really upset me because it seemed like he thought I was just trying to become a housewife - dependent on him, which I am not! and I felt this statement also made it clear that he had no plans to invite me to follow him.

    On the other hand, we have a good time together, a good connection, he says he wants to try - he's very realistic and discusses all the pros and cons of the move with me and he is pleased with the holiday idea too.

    Am I being childish and demanding -wanting him to want me completely and immediately? Or am I deluding myself, because this guy is too cautious to make any big decision and could easily just decide to break up with me because I'm asking for too much?

    help me please!


Comments

  • #2
    HugoDrax
    Closed Accounts Posts: 139 ✭✭HugoDrax


    Am I being childish and demanding -wanting him to want me completely and immediately? Or am I deluding myself, because this guy is too cautious to make any big decision and could easily just decide to break up with me because I'm asking for too much?

    Yes is the answer to both questions.

    There is only two ways you are going to be together.
    Either you go with him and you both set up home in this other country or else he stays with you.

    Neither options suits you both and both mean that the relationship is in jeopardy is it doesn't work out.

    So as far as I can see you have four options - a. go with him, b. he stays with you and doesn't leave, c. do nothing and let your relationship unravel by doing nothing d. agree to call it quits and do your own thing.

    You have to take your pick. Ye can't not make a decision here or the decision will be more or less made for ye.

    Best of luck.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    "When I told him that I love him - because i cant hold things in!" - silly thing for a grown woman to say.

    "While I probably wouldnt just drop everything and follow him, and I like the holiday idea - I still would have liked that he would ask me to go with him in a more serious way." - so you wouldn't want to follow him but he should want you to follow him....???

    "He once asked me if I was not making any plans because I was "waiting" for him to ask me to go with him. " - you're in danger here, be careful.

    "Am I being childish and demanding -wanting him to want me completely and immediately? Or am I deluding myself, because this guy is too cautious to make any big decision and could easily just decide to break up with me because I'm asking for too much?" - totally!

    OP, catch yourself on fast or you'll be left behind. Be happy for him and encouraging, it's a wonderful opportunity for him. He's being sensible here and you're in cloud-cuckoo land.

    Wait and go on the holiday - it could change things for you both and you'll see the way forward clearly. This is the wrong time to push things. Again, be happy for him and make him feel happy too.


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