Monday Funnies

MonkieSocks

The Whorehouse Doors!

A fellow passed a house with a little red light burning in front, so he stepped inside.

There was nothing in sight and nothing there but an empty bare hallway, with two doors reading, "Over 35" and "Under 35."

He decided to be truthful and entered the door that said, "Over 35."

He found himself in another empty hallway, this one with two doors that read, "Over 8 inches" and "Under 8 inches."

Truthful again, he went through the "Under 8 inches" door and found himself in another empty hall, with two more doors reading, "Once a night" and "Over 4 times a night."

Still wanting to be truthful, he entered the door marked "Once a night" and found himself back out on the street.

The moral of this story is:

"Always tell the truth and you'll never get screwed."

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Nuts & Nature!

A father and son went hunting together for the first time.

The father said, "Stay here and be very QUIET. I'll be across the field."

A few minutes later, the father heard a bloodcurdling scream and ran back to his son.

"What's wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be quiet."

The son answered:

"Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet.

I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck.

I didn't move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder.

I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp stung me.

I didn't cough when I swallowed the gnat.

I didn't cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching.

But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said,

'Should we eat them here, or take them with us?'

Well, I just panicked!"

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The Permanent Boner!

A man went into a local pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.

The woman behind the counter informed him that she was the pharmacist.

She told the man that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no male pharmacists employed there.

She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with, as she had been a licensed pharmacist for many years.

The man shrugged his shoulders and agreed to share his problem.

"Okay," said the man, "but this is a bit embarrassing for me.

I have a permanent erection, which causes me lots of problems and severe embarrassment.

I was wondering what you could give me for it?"

The pharmacist said "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."

When she returned, she said,





"The best we can do is 1/3 ownership in the store and $3,000 a month in living expenses."