Debs - Don't want to go

LegacyUser

I'm in Leaving Cert I don't want to go to my Debs which is at the end of the summer.

Why? Because I have no one (and I mean no one) to ask to go with me. I am friendly with some guys and all but none of them I would ask (not friendly enough with them etc.) and also I don't have the confidence to ask.

Apart from that I know I will love and enjoy the night because by the time the meal comes round who you came with will be irrelevant. But until then who you bring is such a big thing...

Advice?

HugoDrax

dontwanttogo wrote: »

I'm in Leaving Cert I don't want to go to my Debs which is at the end of the summer.

Why? Because I have no one (and I mean no one) to ask to go with me. I am friendly with some guys and all but none of them I would ask (not friendly enough with them etc.) and also I don't have the confidence to ask.

Apart from that I know I will love and enjoy the night because by the time the meal comes round who you came with will be irrelevant. But until then who you bring is such a big thing...

Advice?

Everybody is probably in the same boat.
Ask yourself why the other people have someone to go with?
Perhaps it is because they asked people to go with them?
If a guy has nobody to go with and doesn't have the confidence to ask a girl then surely if a girl asked him out to the Debs he might consider going with you?
Take a risk and just ask a few guys to go with you and surely one of them will agree.
If you don't try then you will make sure nobody will agree to go because you didn't ask.

LilMissCiara

Just ask someone who isn't likely to be asked!

LegacyUser

##Everybody is probably in the same boat.
Ask yourself why the other people have someone to go with?
Perhaps it is because they asked people to go with them?
If a guy has nobody to go with and doesn't have the confidence to ask a girl then surely if a girl asked him out to the Debs he might consider going with you?
Take a risk and just ask a few guys to go with you and surely one of them will agree.
If you don't try then you will make sure nobody will agree to go because you didn't ask.##

Most of the girls have boyfriends or are much closer to a guy than I am.
I can't ask a guy who has nobody to go with because it's a girls school.

miss no stars

dontwanttogo wrote: »

But until then who you bring is such a big thing...

Advice?

It's not such a big thing, you're on the outside looking in. Been there, done that (twice). Just go with a friend or take a cousin or whatever. Or closer to the time (it's AGES AWAY), just say as a by the way to one of the guys you're friendly-ish with "hey, I have a spare ticket to this. X, Y and Z and I are all going, do you want to tag along?"

Not a debs date, just asking a friend to go on a night out.

Chill. It'll be fun. Oh and don't preclude the idea of going alone, sure half the people at mine (myself included) had ditched the fellas we came with as soon as we got there really!

The reality is, it IS a farewell bash for your class. You'll all be more wrapped up in that fact (and you will, the alcohol will help ye all see nice and clearly why you're all there) than in looking at who brought who. Enjoy it and then look back with good memories.

QuiteInterestin

Go on your own, thats what I did! I was in the same boat, I went to an all girls school and I had no one to ask. When the tickets went on sale I bought 2 tickets just in case, but when the time came around I was single and like you had no one to ask. I didn't want to bring anyone just for the sake of it, it was going to be the last night that I was going to see alot of the girls I'd spent the last 6 years with and I didn't want to spend it making small talk to some fella I hardly knew, I wanted to spend it with my friends having a good time!

So thats what I did, and when it came to it, 2 of my friends did the same thing and another girl at our table brought a female friend and except for one 'Jaysus, there's alot of women at this table' comment, no one took a bit of notice. Once the meal was over, it was impossible to tell who had come with who, and thinking back, I can't remember who any of my other friends actually brought with them. Had a brilliant night (until the very end when my wallet got stolen :mad:) so don't let going on your own stop you!

Poor Craythur

OP, I went to my Debs alone, it was grand. Most people just went "as friends", a completely pointless practice. And you've already come to this conclusion yourself in the OP with this comment:

dontwanttogo wrote: »

Apart from that I know I will love and enjoy the night because by the time the meal comes round who you came with will be irrelevant.

You are dead right! It really, really doesn't matter!

As an aside, I got the shift off someone's else date for the night on my Debs night. But they just went "as friends" so the 17 year old me saw no problems with my behaviour whatsoever.

Aishae

i went with a cousin - i had broken up with my then bf several months before - id planned to go with him. couldnt be bothered to ask anyone as a date. my cousin is about 5 years older than me, he never went to a debs cos he left school early to do a barman apprenticship. so i asked him. no one commented on it and there were other people who did the same thing.

its not all about getting off with people on the dancefloor etc. most people just want a great night out - try not to stress over it and if you really really dont wanna go then thats fine too

magneticimpulse

OP dont go if you dont want to.

I went to all girls and brought a cousins cousin...as in aunties nephew. Never met him until night of the Debs. Other friends brought their cousins. Looking back I think its mad crazy thinking people in Ireland go to Debs with their "cousins". If I did it again, I would have just said to my friends, look lets just go as friends and not bother bringing "cousins".

In college I went to lots of Balls and then our class was mixed. We didnt need to bring guys or partners. In college there was absolutely no pressure and you had a great night out with friends.

If you plan to go to college, dont think the Debs is a huge thing because you will most likely go to lots of Black Tie balls.

Also for anyone looking to go to Debs, Ive since found TK Maxx to be brillant for Black Tie event Dresses. Got 2 lovely dress for 20 pounds in there. Cousins spent about 500 euro for a similar dress!

LegacyUser

Hey OP,
This might not feel like the best advice in the world but I'll give it a shot.

I was in the exact same situation, I'm now 26. I didn't go. I felt bad at the time and sometimes felt a little regretful afterwards but as time went by it seems like such a non-event now. At the time it seems like a big deal but since I was 17, so many things have happened and I've done so many things in my life it's like the tiniest event and doesn't matter either way whether I went or not.

You sound like yo sort of want to go if you had someone to go with. A lot of people bing a relation or a friend. I know it seems like a big deal who you ask but 90% of people I know went with someone who was not a partner and I know of 1 person out of my entire year who is still with the girlfriend he brought at the time. It's not a big deal at all.

On the other hand, if you don't want to go at all. Just don't. If anyone questions yo just explain its not that important to you. I know some people make a big deal of it but its really really not and in time that'll become more apparent. Sorry if this doesn't help, just sharing my experience.

lazygal

I never went to my debs, ten years ago now. I don't regret it for a minute and trust me, you'll barely remember whether you went or not. I'm getting married in a month and THAT'S something to get excited about. I hated school so I wasn't going to spend any more time than necessary with my classmates. I never regretted it, the money was more usefully spent having a good time in college.

ztoical

OP if you want to go and don't want to ask someone then go alone. If you don't want to go then don't go, trust me it won't make any difference which choice you make. I didn't go to mine and like lazygal I don't regret it for a second. I had already started college by the time it rolled around and just lost any and all interest in anything related to secondary school.

diddlybit

OP My female cousin asked me to go to her debs (I'm also female) because she didn't have anyone to ask and didn't want to ask a guy that she didn't really know. We had a great laugh and it saved her from the awkwardness that many of her friends had that had brought guys that they didn't really know. Have you any friends outside of your school that you could bring. Bringing a friend will guarentee a good night.

Poor Craythur

jackobean1234 wrote: »

I was in the exact same situation, I'm now 26. I didn't go. I felt bad at the time and sometimes felt a little regretful afterwards but as time went by it seems like such a non-event now. At the time it seems like a big deal but since I was 17, so many things have happened and I've done so many things in my life it's like the tiniest event and doesn't matter either way whether I went or not.

OP, this is so true. Don't go, it's not the end of the world.

Poor Craythur

ztoical wrote: »

I had already started college by the time it rolled around and just lost any and all interest in anything related to secondary school.

I had my Debs in the July after the Leaving so was still in school mode but yeah, I can imagine once you start college, school must seem very distant at that stage.

MiniSquish

You know that you can always bring a friend if ya want? Like of the same sex? Some girls in my school brought friends of theirs from other schools or lower years.

Aishae

MiniSquish wrote: »

You know that you can always bring a friend if ya want? Like of the same sex? Some girls in my school brought friends of theirs from other schools or lower years.

i was gonna suggest that - nothing wrong with going with a girl friend, you'll have someone you know well, so theres no akward silences and you'll have a dance partner for the night who doesnt have 2 left feet :pac:

just do whatever YOU want. the run up to my debs was so manic that the debs - while a good night - didnt exactly live up to the hype. im really glad i went but ive been to better parties since (where i didnt go skidding on someones puke). was nice to see everyone out of their uniforms though!

i think its a personal thing- parties arent to everyones taste

Fluorescence

I went to an all girl's school as well. I didn't ask anyone until late July - the debs was the first week in September. If you ask a single guy friend of yours who is also in 6th year, then ye can go to each other's debs (which is what we did). Worked out pretty well actually.

You know that you can always bring a friend if ya want? Like of the same sex? Some girls in my school brought friends of theirs from other schools or lower years.

That reminds me - a good few girls in my year brought girls who'd switched schools before 6th year or just random friends.

Dreams aloud

It's all about the great times with your friends..bring someone by all accounts (anyone @ all) but it's about you..not them.

The best fun is usually later that night or the following morning anyway..when more than likely your date is long gone but you'll make memories with your friends that you'll have forever.

I know friends of mine that brought guys that were practically strangers to them but we all still had fun. Just relax about it, my cousin asked someone the weekend before..everyone puts pressure on to ask someone early in the year but really the summer is plenty of time.

Or maybe some of your single friends might go alone aswell..there's loads of options so don't worry & if you are still worrying nearer the time then forget about it because if it starts to stress you it's not worth it!

Best of luck with whatever you choose

AidanadiA

I brought my best friend as my date.

Pauleta

I decided to go to my debs a week before it. I brought one of the lads because my intention was to get hammered and i wouldnt of been able to do that with a girl plus it was short notice for a girl. Had a fine night and met a girl on the way home from it who i went out with for a year. Just bring one of your mates, you will have a much better time. Your intention may not be to get messed up like me and my mate but im sure you will have a laugh. Its not some mystical, magical night where a gentleman takes his debutant to the ball and you dance the night away and have a good night kiss under the stars. Its just a complete messy piss up. Where lads get hammered with their mates, girls bitch about each other one last time and the girls end up helping their incopacitated male companion home, whilst he makes sexual advances. Just go with a mate.

Irish_Dan

Mines in August we could go to eachother? 17 lad

Vito Corleone

You're a little late to the party. OP is from 3 years ago.

Taltos

Irish_Dan - please read our charter before posting again. Also this thread is quite old ...

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