Another "oh how do I win my ex back" thread (apologies)

LegacyUser

So, I'll try keep it short and sweet. Even though, I do like to talk a lot...too much really!

Well what happened is...a situation happened out of my control. Well, that's not entirely true, I just reacted badly to it. As a result I nearly lost a lot of good things in my life...including my lovely ex-boyfriend. Shame.

I got so stressed out. He couldn't deal with how emotional i was...and said bye bye darling. So heartbreak on top of my already shocking situation was my nightmare come true. I have calmed down somewhat and am speaking to a counsellor. I have no diagnosis, or do I think I should have one. If I did, whatever... I'm in no way depressed or do I have any self harm thoughts. I do like myself and my life...well my life is a bit mad right now. Anyway.

So, after the break he wasn't answering texts, calls, etc. I was going apesh*t. As I believe good open communication is key to any relationship, be it work, friendship or romantic. But he clearly didn't. So eventually...I gave him space. It's so hard not to talk for me. I like to sort things out there and then.

He was giving me some hope about us, the past week. A few nice emails and I was satisfied with this. But lastnight, I saw he was posting stuff up on facebook that he was on a night out at a party, photos etc. It was too much for me. I worried that, maybe he'd meet someone else. Now I'm not the possesive type girl that believes he shouldn't have a life. He should. WE all should. But don't post on facebook during such times....

So I deleted him for my own sanity and overall health. I also deleted him from skype and any other sort of social networking site. I needed to. Not to hurt him. I don't want to hurt him. I told him this. I just needed a clear mind. And I had hopes of us working out, you know. I thought maybe in a couple of weeks...we'll meet for a coffee/chat somewhere neutral and if either of us wants to leave, then that's fine. But I feel this nice idea is gone.

It's such a shame though. Not only have I lost the love of my life. Also my best friend. The fun and laughs we had. We rarely fought. Instead we spoke about things diplomatically. Oh, and may I also mention...the chemistry...it was electrifying!! ;-) WE worked well together. He was the calm, placid one...I was the slightly more eccentric, hyperactive one. He balanced me.

I do love him dearly and miss him more and more each day. Only 3 weeks ago were we planning to buy a house in about a year. Our lives together. Which I'd still love. He's a great person, very special to me. And always will be.

I just don't know what to do now. I have sent him an email this morning apologising and explaining why I took him off facebook etc. I hope he understands. It was a nice logical, sweet email.

So come on now, I'd love to hear your words of wisdom please. Because I really REALLY don't want to loose the love of my life and I'm willing to do just about anything(within reason) for us to be happy together again.

Life...you are cruel sometimes!! :-D

LegacyUser

Thanks for that. I'm really trying. And being as positive as I can be. I'm not drinking any alcohol...I don't want to. I'm eating and sleeping well. to be honest I need a massage so bad...my back is in tatters! Starting some yoga next week. Trying to do a bit of meditation too....singing my heart out. I love to sing...and I'm a decent singer. Not cocky about it, just confident and comfortable in my own skin ;-)

LegacyUser

You need to back off and leave this guy alone.

You are an ex and I suggest you read up the definition of that.

There are far too many threads here where exes just can't let go and years down the road they're still wondering why he won't reply to texts/calls/e-mails.

Don't allow yourself to become one of those women that embarrasses the rest of us.

Good luck.

Moomoo1

that guy wasn't good enough for you. He didn't love you enough to stick through thin as well as through thick. So I wouldn't go after him.

LegacyUser

Hey thanks for all of your replies.

Doing even better each, but still not 100%... anyway, i think and feel that i'm over the worst.

I've even deleted my facebook account, deleted him from skype and I'm never signed in for gmail chat. These little things help for ones sanity and are quite liberating...!

Oh my phone is off too. Well, i turn it on a couple times a day...but that's it really.

We both clearly need time to chill/destress....think about things...and meet up maybe in a month to talk about what went on. As I do want to leave on bad terms.
Leaving it as just this will always put a big flaw or even cheapen our relationship. It's immature not to talk. I know we need space. But come on please...this is getting ridiculous and driving me nuts. His brother sent me the most horrible, hurtful and ignorant email yesterday to me....His brother is an electrician who has no background or even interest in psychology....yet he seemed well able to diagnose me with something. After 4 mental health reviews, by actual professional, it really does amuse me how a normal joe soap can come to this conclusion. Some people eh... :P

I still really miss and love this guy...and would love to hear from him soon...even just a "hello, how are you?"...nothing intense or serious. I'd just like to know that he's there and cares even a little bit about me. It hurts when I see absolutely no sign of an email...:-( just the one...a simple one...is all i wish for.

I just dont know. I'm afraid of loosing him forever. We had such a laugh in our relationships, rarely a disagreement but still had a few. He IS the love of my life..I feel like that. Maybe I'm just a deluded stupid girl...it's hard to know anymore.

LegacyUser

I don't get why you would want to meet up in a month.

Who cares if you're on good or bad terms. It's over. Pursuing a friendship is not healthy for now. The need for you to be friends says you are not over him, you still need him in your life, you're still dependent on him.

You need to put thoughts of meeting up with him out of your head. sure, you've deleted him off facebook, etc, but you're just getting by until you meet him in person and that will knock you back to step one all over again, so your actions now are just pointless.

You have to be honest with yourself here and realise that this guy doesn't care about you, he doesn't want to make contact with you or be with you. He's just not that into you, and you can't make him be. Leave him be, focus on you for now and in time when you are ready you'll move on and find someone who does want to be with you and does want to answer your calls and texts.

Meanwhile, don't risk getting a bad name for yourself by not being able to let your ex go, because guys talk badly of exes like that and those stories spread fast.

All the best.

LegacyUser

Thanks...you're right.

You know for the past week or so...I haven't been the one contacting him. It's him contacting me first, and I do reply...because I don't ignore people. Especially when they're finding things hard. And he was the one who re-added me on facebook. So I just deleted my account.

He says he misses me madly and hopes that I'm okay. But then he gets jealous when he knows other guys want to go on dates with me. I've made it clear to him, that I won't be dating other men for a little while, as I'm not ready. So I just don't know what to be thinking...that's why I had to take him off skype and everything related. My phone is off too.

I'm trying to move on.

I just think it's a shame and a waste. A total mountain made out of a molehill. He got way to involved...messed up his own mind. He doesn't exactly have the healthiest lifestyle anyway. Working too long, studying during breaks, studying for 2 hours after work, playing XBox to unwind...eating very unhealthily. THis wasn't the guy i fell in love with. He barely sees his friends too. I'm trying to make him see all this for his own good.

I on the other hand...eat well, sleep well, drink very little, don't do any drugs, exercise just a little, socialise without alcohol, have many interests and hobbies. I'm comfortable, confident and happy in my own skin. I actually like who I am!

I spent the last few months booking gigs of bands we both like, organising other fun things to do...as I felt he was stuck in a rut. And yes, he still is. He needs to stop drinking like he does to. THis, I realise, is not my problem. But I can't help but care for him, as he's still very special to me.

But look, I've really tried. And now I'm tired. I never ever messed him around. We were great friends too. It's such a complete loss for us both.

So....up and onwards!!

common sense brigade

So, after the break he wasn't answering texts, calls, etc. I was going apesh*t. As I believe good open communication is key to any relationship

, As u were at this point broken up then and no longer in a relationship he was completely justified in ignoring u. its called a breakupfor a reason. also why shouldnt he be out at a party enjoying himself/ keeping yourself occupied is the best way to get over somebody.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your reply. But I don't think you're understanding the extent of the situation here.

I was so stressed out by something(s) out of my control. He didn't support me through, he ran and dumped me. It didn't help me calm. As a result I haven't worked in 2 months, have had to get counseling because of the stress(not to do with him, but he's an aspect of it).

He just didn't really show that he cared. And that hurt me a lot. I was apologising for things I didn't even do all through out this.

For some support...i asked him to try and not be putting photos of himself or status updates of him having a "deaaaadly time". I had a "deeeeadly" time and never ever put it up on facebook out of respect for him, as I knew too well that it would bother and upset him. He's very sensitive...(well...*rolls eyes*)

And to top it off, he's 6 years OLDER than me, acting like a little boy. I'm in my mid-twenties...and feel a lot more mature about this whole situation. Maybe I'm not entirely...but I do try!

Moomoo1

it's quite hard to work out what has actually happened from what you are saying

so this guy broke up with you and still contacts you all the time? doesn't want you to go out with other men? why - if he broke up with you?

and the thing with his brother - what is his problem?

LegacyUser

Yes, MooMoo...it IS so hard to understand.

He doesn't contact me "all" the time and hasn't since Sunday evening. That's when I deleted my facebook account, deleted him on skype etc. Turned off my phone. And I've an auto-reoly set up for my gmail account, saying that i'm not available at the moment.

And no, I haven't contacted him. If he was outside the door right now, I wouldn't want to see him. Yes I still love him dearly and miss him so much. But I need to work out in my head what I want too. Cuz right now, I don't know. THe feeling and emotions are their for each other...we still love, want and miss each other. But we both need space, to see if this is actually worth saving. I'm not sure if either of us knows.

Time will tell.

He made it clear in a facebook chat conversation that he was jealous of the fact that I had a few date offers from nice men, which I turned down. He didn't believe and called me a b*tch. Then he deleted me from facebook and re-added me the next hour. Jesus!!
I told him about the date offers, as he had the nerve to initially tell me, he was supposed to go on a date saturday with a girl he met 2 days after we broke up. He said he didn't go. And anyway, she's a downgrade...! :-P (I think that I'm allowed to be a bit of a b*tch in these circumstances...)

His little brother got involved...sent me a nasty email calling me a mental cow, and that he always thought i was a f*ckin nob and the best thing his brother did was dump me.

I was so upset after this...I just replied with a civil email...saying sorry, I'm going through the hardest time in my life. Neither your brother or myself were good to each other the past few months...so this is what happened. And I'm not mental, I've had 4 mental health reviews and 3 drug tests....all came back perfectly normal. I'm just stressed and dealing with unnecessary heartbreak.

That's all i can decipher from this whole bullsheeeeeet situation really.

Neither of us actually did anything so wrong or cheated. I would never dream of cheating on him...well of course other guys are attractive, but that's all they are and only will be to me.