What to do with 2 friends who are constantly at each others throats?

Chuchoter

Just to give you a bit of background, everyone involved is between 16 and 17/18 and theres a thing coming up where we are going to be in very close quarters for quite a while. These two girls have only been 'friends' since the beginning of the year because I made new friends and the two groups kind of blended.

The first friend (say Lucy) is very, very arrogant. She's into every cause you can think of from animal rights to gay marriage, and if you don't have the same views as her she makes you feel like an idiot and screams you down, even though in reality she knows very little about most of her chosen topics. She's kind of self obsessed, constantly standing me up or being really late. We used to be very close friends but she did some other things that meant we kind of drifted. She's otherwise a nice enough girl as long as you don't get into a discussion with her about anything. Or ask her to meet you at a certain time.

The second girl (say Rebecca) is loud (its just her voice) and also very opinionated, but will take the time to listen to other people as long as they don't start screaming. She's otherwise really nice but her and the rest of the group of friends I brought in are not exactly 'cool' enough for Lucy's standards,who is so 'cool' she'd make your head explode.:rolleyes:

Everytime they come anywhere near each other they try to kill each other, and its generally Lucy's fault. What do I do? I want to keep all of them as friends but I'm sick of listening to the constant bickering:(

HugoDrax

Lucy sounds very immature and she is not a nice girl if she is self-obsessed if she starts rows whenever you start a discussion with her or if she stands you up.

She has no right to treat other people like that just because they have different opinions and she has no right to start talking about political beliefs and animal rights and gay marriage etc. when other people probably don't want to let other people know what they think about controversial subjects.

It's not like she is going to get elected in the government and she is going to be passing laws about any of this?
Perhaps she needs to be told to zip it and keep her opinions to herself?

Rebecca seems to have more cop on - she listens to other people and can respect them if they have different ideas. She seems like a person people want to be friends with while Lucy wants to control people and scare them by being aggressive when they don't agree with her.

Lucy and Rebecca are fighting because Rebecca refuses to tolerate a bully.

What you should do is tell all of your friends what you think - that Lucy is being a pain and find out what they think about her.
Tell Lucy what you think of her and tell her what your friends think of her and tell her that you don't want to be friends with her any more unless she stops trying to bully everyone who doesn't agree with her.
If she starts getting aggressive with you and starting telling you that you are ganging up on her, tell her that you gave her a chance and a fair crack of the whip and that unless she decides to change her behavior then you don't want to be friends with her.
That should put her in her place and she will either change her tune or you will never see her again.
You shouldn't have to tolerate this kind of bullying because that is what this is.

In the long run you will be doing Lucy a favor by showing her how her behavior is viewed be other people because when she gets older and she starts causing rows in school or college or at work nobody will want to know her.

She probably is actually very lonely and perhaps she hasn't a boyfriend or she had a boyfriend but she pushed him away by talking about politics and ended up annoying him.

Arguing with people probably makes her think she is in control and beating people in arguments probably makes her feel she is getting attention.

People don't talk about religion or politics too much because your private beliefs are your private beliefs and because most of us are not involved in politics except when we vote in elections we keep our conversations civil and polite and talk about things we can agree on and have fun together rather than deliberately looking for disagreement and create rows for no reason.

Gannicus

ANSWER: Stop hanging out with "Lucy" she's a terrible mate and would not class her as a mate if I was you.

spinandscribble

I think you have two opinions.

1. tell lucy privately (no group ganging up technique please) that you worry shes not getting along with the others due to her time keeping problems and argumentative nature. Let her know you want everyone to get along and you want to support her to fit in.

2. ignore lucy and phrase her out.

Personally I'd try step 1 and if she just goes ott go on to step 2.

the truth is the second girl is probably standing up against lucy while the rest of you are too quiet or timid to tell her to cop on. Lucy enjoys the fact you guys will put up with her. its time you did stand up to her (tactfully though) and if that doesn't work cut your losses.

Zaph

Big Steve, the default sized font is just fine for replying to posts, please don't do that again as it's completely unnecessary.