How can I be content with my body?

LegacyUser

How can I be happy with my body?

I'm short, 5'3", and very short-legged. I've had men comment in the past that I'm too short. I have big boobs and because I'm hitting my late 20s now I can't stop fretting about them sagging.

Why can't I accept the good things about my body? I was a stone and a half overweight until a few months ago but resolved to lose that and am now nearly not overweight any more. I plan to another stone to stone and a half. But on the plus side, I'm not big-boned but when I was slim was quite petite.

I guess I feel disheartened when I hear guys talk about their ideal body types and I don't fit into them. You know they'll say "I like willowy women" or "I'm not a boob man" or the worst where any short women is described as tubby or stocky just because she is short, even if she's slim.

How do people accept their bodies? I feel in my late 20s I should be getting a handle on this by now.

LegacyUser

Would also just like to add, the guys I hope to attract always seem to like women with more "elegant" bodies i.e. small boobs, long limbs, narrow hips etc.

cantdecide

I know tons of guys who have a preference for smaller girls. Most guys prefer bigger boobs, like. I don't know many guys who prefer smaller ones. By the sound of it, the only thing you should be fretting about is garden-variety bad luck finding men.

In fact, I'm just off to meet a good friend of mine and you've just described his perfect woman

LegacyUser

I am tall and I'd LOVE to be small, petite and feminine. I don't want the 'willowy' look and I totally disagree that most men prefer it. Think of the advantages of being more petite. You probably have nice small feet and hands. That's feminine. You can wear high heels and still be smaller than most guys. You can wear feminine fashions and not feel like a drag queen.
I think there are probably more men who prefer your type ie petite and busty than 'willowy' women. A lot of men like smaller women as they make the man feel more masculine.
It's gay men that run the fashion industry and their preference will obviously be for taller, more boyish figured looking women. Women fail to reaslise this and constantly try to emulate something the majority of men aren't interested in. Yes, some straight men like tall but not the majority as you seem to think. I think more men prefer your type.

cafecolour

Miss Bad Body Image wrote: »

I guess I feel disheartened when I hear guys talk about their ideal body types and I don't fit into them. You know they'll say "I like willowy women" or "I'm not a boob man" or the worst where any short women is described as tubby or stocky just because she is short, even if she's slim.

Wait what? I've quite literally never heard any guy say either of those. In fact, shorter with big boobs seems to be about a third of my friends' type, based on who they've dated in the past.

To be honest, I think you've just at a string of guys who you were interested in who weren't interested in you - and you're searching for a reason, when it may just be a string of bad luck.

I'd start trying to pay attention to who is paying attention to YOU and what you think of them, instead of the other way around.

LegacyUser

cafecolour wrote: »

I'd start trying to pay attention to who is paying attention to YOU and what you think of them, instead of the other way around.

Yeah, that's it really, I want to know how to be happy with myself and accept that not everyone like what I got!

LegacyUser

There seems to be two seperate issues going on for you; your title says how can you be content with your body, the content is about what men might think of your body. They're different things.

It'd be foolish to think human beings simply don't care what others think of them, but we don't have to base our self-image too closely on their opinions. Personally, I have a slew of body issues - love handles, a skin condition, rapidly greying hair, operation scars - but I fell into a short lived but fun modelling career, which led to TV ads. I don't think it was in spite of cosmetic images, I just think nobody gave a fúck about a few imperfections. Ditto for anyone I've been intimate with - there is so much more going on in any relationship that my issues were deservedly relegated in the order of importance. I think what I learned was to be happy with my body and get on with it. I know other people see the flaws, but I know I don't care.

If your body-image is becoming unhealthy or holding you back, perhaps counselling might be of benefit. If you think your body really needs to change, than maybe take the same determination that helped you lose the weight previously and apply it again to making changes. I'm not saying you should change, just saying you can if you want to.

As to men's opinions of your body - as you can see from the replies above, you get generalisations with a question like that. The generalisations are pretty meaningless. Looking back on my relationships, physically, cosmetically, it's a huge variety of heights, hair colours, shapes and sizes. The only thing they had in common was that I thought the world of them. Thinking about friend's relationships, the same applies, broadly speaking.

There are of course men who have some particular feature at the front of their minds as being attractive to them, but if they want to foolishly limit themselves and miss out on someone's other features, great heart, sense of humour, understanding and all the other things that make a someone beautiful, that really is their problem and their loss.

FWIW, the love of my life is 5' 3" and I'm over 6'. It never troubled us )

elbee

OP, I'm 5'2 and I love it.

Nothing against tall girls, they're beautiful, and if I was tall I bet I'd love feeling elegant and willowy. But feeling short and cute is great too! I can stand upright on the top deck of buses. It's way easier to shorten clothing bargains than lengthen them. I can date men of all heights and not be asked 'But doesn't it bother you that he's shorter than you?' And people tend to assume I'm younger than I am without even looking at me face.

The only downside is how often I have to ask people to hand me stuff I can't reach (when I moved out of home, my mother renovated the kitchen and I can only reach the bottom shelf. She wasn't expecting me back!). But as for the aesthetics of it - I wouldn't change it for the world!

For everyone who likes tall, elegant model-types, there's someone who likes short girls with curves. It takes all sorts.

I used to think no one would ever fancy me because I didn't have blonde hair and the media didn't give me many attractive brunettes to aspire to when I was a teenager. Guess what? I know so many people who express no preference for hair colour, and of those that do, they're evenly split between every colour. Size, height, shape and everything else is the same.

PS - my dad was delighted I turned out short. He was afraid I'd be tall like my mother because that was 'unwomanly'. Very much a man of his generation but even married someone who didn't precisely fit his preferences.

Poor Craythur

I don't elegance necessarily equates to tall though. To me, elegance is having taste and dressing well for your body type.

Johnny Favourite

My Gf is quite short with big boobs and I think she is savage!!

Stu

I've never been a boob man myself, don't know what the fuss is. I've always been attracted to women with nice eyes who look healthy. Height, hair colour, couldn't give a toss. I know for a fact that most guys are not that bothered about boob size having discussed it with mates over the years, its only lads talk in the pub when you hear guys saying they like big boobs, it means nothing in reality. The shape, the size, whether they are sagging, most guys don't care as long as you are happy with what you have.

I'm 5 foot 8" and a women of your height OP would compliment my height perfectly and the majority of guys my height and slightly taller definately wouldn't dismiss you because of your height, it just wouldn't even enter their head. Of course, there will always be people who will have exact physical requirements but in my experience they are usually vacuous and not worth worrying about.

Its like that old cliche, women prefer really tall men. Complete nonsense, some do, some aren't bothered but for every tall guy i see where his height suits him, i see a lot of tall guys who look awkward with bad poster and a skinny frame that doesn't suit their height. No, thanks.

So don't get hung up on your height OP or boobs. You are a nice height and really when you click with someone, you won't be bothered about these trivialities, you'll be too busy enjoying each others company.

Poor Craythur

That's true, Stu, I don't care if a guy is tall or not, it's a great misconception that most women look for that. I'm like you, healthy-looking is the key.

Rubberlegs

Hi OP:). Compared to me you are tall!! I'm barely 5 foot. My OH is 6ft1 and wouldn't have me any other way. The only time I felt any bit unhappy, was when the contraception I was on caused me to put on weight. I find at my height any extra weight really shows, yet I can't get too scrawny either. And lucky you with big boobs:D. I miss mine since I lost weight, but hey, I look a lot better for it. I go down to pick my daughter up at school, and the kids in 6th class tower over me. I constantly have to ask for someone to reach me down stuff at the supermarket. Men seem to love being asked to help out:). I think its a myth that men want tall, willowy women. Well, some might, but there's a hell of a lot of em quite happy to be with a shorty. Dunno, but I think it brings out the protective nature in them. And cliche as it may sound, its the person that matters, not the looks. You obviously care about how you look, and have succeeded in losing some weight, and this is attractive in itself. Relax OP, and don't be so hard on yourself. If a fairy could wave a magic wand, and turn me into a 5ft9, willowy girl, I'd say no thanks

Azureus

Im 5'3'' and from my experience, guys prefer the pocket-sized lady
As for the boobs, sagging is nothing a good bra wont fix so pop into Marks and Sparks or somewhere and get yourself fitted-you'll notice the world of difference. If you are small chested, you want to be bigger; if you're big, you want to be smaller-its a girls perogative to never be happy Just make the most of what youve got, the main thing is to embrace your figure!
Your shape and size is by no means unusual so dont let body issues get you down. If you cant stop focusing on them, you could have a distorted view of what you actually look like so professional help is always an option.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

purity

Seriously 5"3 the average female height it's not short it's average. Would you rather be 6 ft and tower over men. All men have different tastes as do women, not all men like slim or fat girls, short or tall.
We all have our body mishaps but seriously I know a girl who is 4"10 and she thinks that anyone over 5 foot is a giant so your not the shortest

Stu

Georgie Thompson, the sky sports news presenter who goes out with Declan Donnelly is 5 foot tall. She is the hottest girl i've ever seen. I wouldn't say theres a man in the country who wouldn't like her on his arm.

beks101

Congratulations on the weight loss, it's not an easy feat so first off you should be feeling proud of yourself on that front.

There is nothing you can do about your height but embrace it, so don't make your life a misery wishing you were taller. It's not going to happen. As others have said - 5 ft 3 is hardly unusual for an Irish female - trying barely scraping five foot! I'm the smallest person in most rooms and I love it. Guys love the 'cute' thing and the people who underestimate me get a quick surprise. I get to stand at the front for photographs and can sneak up front at most gigs fairly handily!

Also as you'll know weight changes show up a lot more so I'm sure your recent weight loss has been pretty transformative.

As others have said, a decent bra will work wonders. Also if you plan on losing further weight, chances are your boobs will be getting smaller anyway.

Most of all, forget about guys. Learning to accept your body and embracing the things you can't change is the most important thing you can do to reinforce a positive body image and I'm sure any guy will tell you the confidence that comes with that is the sexiest thing in the world.

shellyboo

I used to feel like you, OP, I *hated* my body and I was convinced that no man would ever have me because I was fat, wore glasses, had freckles, whatever was bothering me that day.

I don't know exactly how I went about changing that, but I can tell you that today, I love my body and how I look and I didn't lose any weight at all.

I think the first thing I did was to simply reject what "everyone" says/thinks about the 'typical' body type, or what men like, or what magazines were telling me I should look like. I did that by cutting magazines out entirely (I never ever buy magazines anymore, if the content isn't telling you to hate yourself, the ads are.)

I also came to the realisation that the entire female beauty industry is based on one premise - that women hate their bodies. And they capitalise on this. Every eyeshadow, conditioner, bra, razor... absolutely everything we use on a daily basis is somehow to "improve" on what nature's given us. Which is an insidious premise, because over the years it makes you believe that on a basic level, without all these creams and lotions and potions and dresses and weight loss products etc etc, that we're not good enough.

I don't think there's a woman out there who believes that she's good enough on her own, in her pjs, with greasy hair and eating pizza instead of a low-GI salad or whatever. But the people who've made us believe that aren't men... it's not men or other people who want us to be "more" or "better", it's the people peddling the products to make us "better".

This sounds like a communist rant, and really its not. But the beauty industry completely undermines womens' self esteem on a constant basis, and for me the first step on the road to self-acceptance was to realise that and reject it.

That doesn't mean I've gone native or anything... I still shave my legs and pluck my eyebrows and wash and do my hair. But it meant that I could stop blaming my body for not being good enough, and stop blaming myself -- because it's only a sales tactic. It's not real.

Sure, there are men out there who think that a short curvy girl isn't good enough for them, or who think that I'm disgusting because I'm overweight. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with either of us... it just means that person isn't the right person for us. There are hundreds of thousands of men out there who prefer curvier girls, or shorter girls. Finding them is really just a matter of chance, and self-confidence.

There is nothing sexier than self-confidence. Instead of beating yourself up over your stature and figure, try to own it. Pretend that you love your body. That you think you're sex on legs. Just pretend. Dress as if you're proud of your body, show off your curves and make the most of being petite. Hold your head up high, even if inside you want to crawl under a duvet and hide.

You'll soon find that people will compliment you. They'll wonder if you've lost weight or had your hair done. Men will pick up on your confidence (even if you're just pretending) and you'll start to see some interest.

Soon enough, you'll begin to see that there's room for a wide range of body types under the "beautiful" umbrella, and that yours is one of them. Those little compliments will pick you up and you'll stop questioning them and start accepting them. And one day, you might just find that you're not pretending to love your body any more... that you're actually happy in your own skin.

At least, that's how it happened for me. I don't know if any of this makes sense to anyone else... but I really hope it can help. There are FAR too many women out there who genuinely hate their body for no good reason at all.

Think of it this way -- pick a picture from the past where you look great. I bet at that time when the picture was taken you felt just the same as you do now, that your body wasn't good enough, you probably felt awkward and ugly. But looking back, you think, wow! I didn't even know how cute I was!

Flash forward to 50 years from now. You'll be looking at pictures of yourself taken today, right now, and thinking *the exact same thing*. That you were gorgeous and you didn't even know it, and why weren't you making the most of it?!

That was a defining moment for me, hearing that anecdote. I don't want to look back and regret hating my body my whole life. I don't think I'll look back and regret loving my body, or be ashamed for thinking myself hot when some magazine tells me I'm not.

It's a choice. It's not easy, but it's definitely doable.

Eve_Dublin

shellyboo wrote: »

I used to feel like you, OP, I *hated* my body and I was convinced that no man would ever have me because I was fat, wore glasses, had freckles, whatever was bothering me that day.

I don't know exactly how I went about changing that, but I can tell you that today, I love my body and how I look and I didn't lose any weight at all.

I think the first thing I did was to simply reject what "everyone" says/thinks about the 'typical' body type, or what men like, or what magazines were telling me I should look like. I did that by cutting magazines out entirely (I never ever buy magazines anymore, if the content isn't telling you to hate yourself, the ads are.)

I also came to the realisation that the entire female beauty industry is based on one premise - that women hate their bodies. And they capitalise on this. Every eyeshadow, conditioner, bra, razor... absolutely everything we use on a daily basis is somehow to "improve" on what nature's given us. Which is an insidious premise, because over the years it makes you believe that on a basic level, without all these creams and lotions and potions and dresses and weight loss products etc etc, that we're not good enough.

I don't think there's a woman out there who believes that she's good enough on her own, in her pjs, with greasy hair and eating pizza instead of a low-GI salad or whatever. But the people who've made us believe that aren't men... it's not men or other people who want us to be "more" or "better", it's the people peddling the products to make us "better".

This sounds like a communist rant, and really its not. But the beauty industry completely undermines womens' self esteem on a constant basis, and for me the first step on the road to self-acceptance was to realise that and reject it.

That doesn't mean I've gone native or anything... I still shave my legs and pluck my eyebrows and wash and do my hair. But it meant that I could stop blaming my body for not being good enough, and stop blaming myself -- because it's only a sales tactic. It's not real.

Sure, there are men out there who think that a short curvy girl isn't good enough for them, or who think that I'm disgusting because I'm overweight. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with either of us... it just means that person isn't the right person for us. There are hundreds of thousands of men out there who prefer curvier girls, or shorter girls. Finding them is really just a matter of chance, and self-confidence.

There is nothing sexier than self-confidence. Instead of beating yourself up over your stature and figure, try to own it. Pretend that you love your body. That you think you're sex on legs. Just pretend. Dress as if you're proud of your body, show off your curves and make the most of being petite. Hold your head up high, even if inside you want to crawl under a duvet and hide.

You'll soon find that people will compliment you. They'll wonder if you've lost weight or had your hair done. Men will pick up on your confidence (even if you're just pretending) and you'll start to see some interest.

Soon enough, you'll begin to see that there's room for a wide range of body types under the "beautiful" umbrella, and that yours is one of them. Those little compliments will pick you up and you'll stop questioning them and start accepting them. And one day, you might just find that you're not pretending to love your body any more... that you're actually happy in your own skin.

At least, that's how it happened for me. I don't know if any of this makes sense to anyone else... but I really hope it can help. There are FAR too many women out there who genuinely hate their body for no good reason at all.

Think of it this way -- pick a picture from the past where you look great. I bet at that time when the picture was taken you felt just the same as you do now, that your body wasn't good enough, you probably felt awkward and ugly. But looking back, you think, wow! I didn't even know how cute I was!

Flash forward to 50 years from now. You'll be looking at pictures of yourself taken today, right now, and thinking *the exact same thing*. That you were gorgeous and you didn't even know it, and why weren't you making the most of it?!

That was a defining moment for me, hearing that anecdote. I don't want to look back and regret hating my body my whole life. I don't think I'll look back and regret loving my body, or be ashamed for thinking myself hot when some magazine tells me I'm not.

It's a choice. It's not easy, but it's definitely doable.

Unbelievable post Shellyboo. Thank you.

LegacyUser

Hi,

thanks for all the responses, they've been really helpful.