3 dates then ...... nada

LegacyUser

Hi All
Met this guy and instantly hit it off, exchanged numbers and started texting and talking on the phone non stop for about a week until we both had a free night, went on a date, he drove out to meet me, neither of us drank that night and it was a great night. Stayed out for about 6 hours chatting and laughing and getting to know each other, he dropped me home and there was a bit of kissing and cuddling and he said all the right things.
Got a text from him as soon as he got home telling me how much he enjoyed himself etc.
This continued for two more dates over the next 10 days and inbetween times everything was so sweet and lots and lots of contact and flirting etc
We arranged to meet about 10 days ago and when it came to the day he asked if i minded if we did it another night instead as he was tired and still working etc etc, I was completely fine about that and said no problem etc, and since then I have heard not one word from him... I have sent him a couple of texts the few days following the day he stopped contact and heard nothing...
I just think this is a bit strange - fair enough if he just decided he wasnt interested but surely (or maybe Im dillusional) he should have said something considering how well things had been going and considering all the things he said about how much he liked me etc...
Maybe Im wrong.
I am now left feeling confused/worried/and a bit angry cos I thought he was so genuine!!
Any advice? I know in my heart it probably is the cold shoulder and that I should forget about him....(but what if hes in a coma?? lol!)

LighterGuy

Well, its clear by this point he isnt interested. And thats all that matters. You got your answer. So to be blunt, to hell with him. I know it can be annoying. But could of been worse - you could of slept with him and then he does this. You'd feel totally used. Actions are everything. So theres no point in thinking maybe he lost his phone, been busy, something was up (etc) cause all that would be foolish.

Delete his number and move on. If he wasnt interested in you, fair enough thats life. But he didnt have to act the coward and avoid telling you that. Or even to a lesser extent let you know in a round about type of way. So he doesnt matter now.

LegacyUser

Hi
Thanks for your reply
I know what you're saying is true. I wont be wasting anymore time thinking about it.
And yes I am glad I didnt sleep with him - would have felt worse now alright! Although that was pretty much on the cards very soon...
Oh well, his loss, he obviously wasnt as mentally/emotionally secure or mature as he came across
Thanks again

IrishEyes19

ten days ago, OP, Id say he took the cowards way out, so think of it as an escape. sorry to hear that you clicked so well and that he acted like that in the end. But dont fret about it, not uncommon at all. Some people just hate confrontation and at least now take some closure from it.

LighterGuy

Pretty much spot on IrishEyes,
Alot of people are so afraid of any confrontation ... but many only when they dont want to be seen as the "bad guy" - different story when they want to give someone a piece of their mind when they are on the recieving end :rolleyes:


op, you say sex was on the cards. Being a man of the world I wouldnt be suprised if he called you in a few weeks trying to get just that. Giving you a bs story as to why contact ended... so if he does ever call back. He's looking to get the one thing he didnt.

LegacyUser

Thanks IrishEyes and LighterGuy

Youve hit the nail on the head. I am by no means naive and I know what men are like (no offence meant) so I would say someone better came along and he took up with them instead but didnt have the decency to even say to me "hey its been fun but lets leave it at that..."

I should probably be thankful and call it a lucky escape!
Just bugs me as makes me think I am I a bad judge of character or was he just a good actor and knew all the right things to say and do?

I guess Ill never know...

LegacyUser

Hey OP,

Sorry to hear about that...been there before - it sucks. To be honest when I have seen this type of thing happening with friends and in my own experiences etc - when someone suddenly jumps from being quite hot i.e. several good dates in a row with great chemistry - to absolutely no contact whatsoever it's usually because there is someone else on their radar who is higher up their ''wants in a partner'' list than you I'm afraid.

Obviously I can't say that's the case with you for certain but if I were to hear that it was sometime down the road then it wouldn't suprise me a bit.

Either way he definitely took the cowards way out(unfortunately a lot do) and you have to wonder if he behaved flakey in this situation, what other situations would he have taken the same kind of approach with you had you both developed a serious relationship....some food for thought.

IrishEyes19

3 dates then ...... nada wrote: »

Thanks IrishEyes and LighterGuy

Youve hit the nail on the head. I am by no means naive and I know what men are like (no offence meant) so I would say someone better came along and he took up with them instead but didnt have the decency to even say to me "hey its been fun but lets leave it at that..."

I should probably be thankful and call it a lucky escape!
Just bugs me as makes me think I am I a bad judge of character or was he just a good actor and knew all the right things to say and do?

I guess Ill never know...

you're not a bad judge of character, what is dating but learning about someone and vica versa, people change in relationships, nobody is the same six months in - into a relationship as they were in the beggining. We all put on a face at first when we're dating someone knew, even if its just dressing up to look beautiful or talking about all the things we've done. dont feel down about it. Look forward to your next date with someone new!

LegacyUser

I completely understand where you're coming from. This has just happened to me in the last few days and I feel like complete sh*t, even though I know I did nothing wrong to deserve this (apart from not having sex with him - and again, which like you would probably have happened on the next date).

However, I did get an explanation (via the phone :mad:) saying that I wasn't his type and that things were still to unsettled in my life (looking for a job) to fit into his.

Yes, I know I'm probably lucky that it ended now before I became any more attached or had actually slept with him before he ended it, but I still can't help feeling more upset than I would have expected (I obviously liked him more than I thought I did or had intended to at this stage), and it's getting me down - I have that awful sick feeling in my stomach, I'm not feeling hungry, and I don't feel like doing much.

Worst thing is I'm not even "young" - I'm 30 - and I suppose the pressure from my family and friends to 'settle down' has started to get to me, so it's hit me harder than usual and I've actually started to panic about finding 'someone'. Ridiculous, I know, especially as I used to be such a strong and independent person, but somehow the sense that I should be settling down has started to hit me. I think the fact that I'm really stressed about finding work and the acknowledgement that I'm probably going to have to emigrate in order to get employment isn't helping, either.

Sorry for venting - just needed to get it off my chest

And I know that there's lots of other guys out there who will treat me much better than this guy...

LegacyUser

I really despise that behaviour and Im a male. Im not looking for a relationship right now, IF the right girl came along, Id consider it, but when Im on a night out, I go out have a laugh, if I meet a girl who is up for some fun, Im not going to say no. But I dont agree with lads just going around, taking numbers, arranging to meet up, getting girls hopes up, girl starts getting into the guy and then guy just dissapears when 1. he gets what he wants 2. when he doesnt get it quick enough 3. when a "better option" comes along. My mate saw me chatting to a few girl the other night, he said did you get their number? and i said for what? im not looking for a relationship and Im not going to waste their time or mine... its stupid and childish!

magneticimpulse

completely understand wrote: »

I completely understand where you're coming from. This has just happened to me in the last few days and I feel like complete sh*t, even though I know I did nothing wrong to deserve this (apart from not having sex with him - and again, which like you would probably have happened on the next date).

However, I did get an explanation (via the phone :mad:) saying that I wasn't his type and that things were still to unsettled in my life (looking for a job) to fit into his.

Yes, I know I'm probably lucky that it ended now before I became any more attached or had actually slept with him before he ended it, but I still can't help feeling more upset than I would have expected (I obviously liked him more than I thought I did or had intended to at this stage), and it's getting me down - I have that awful sick feeling in my stomach, I'm not feeling hungry, and I don't feel like doing much.

Worst thing is I'm not even "young" - I'm 30 - and I suppose the pressure from my family and friends to 'settle down' has started to get to me, so it's hit me harder than usual and I've actually started to panic about finding 'someone'. Ridiculous, I know, especially as I used to be such a strong and independent person, but somehow the sense that I should be settling down has started to hit me. I think the fact that I'm really stressed about finding work and the acknowledgement that I'm probably going to have to emigrate in order to get employment isn't helping, either.

Sorry for venting - just needed to get it off my chest

And I know that there's lots of other guys out there who will treat me much better than this guy...

I could have wrote this...hopefully we didnt go out on dates with the same guy.

I really have taken a break from dating tbh OP....it can really get you down and be very negative. Sometimes its best to concentrate on other things and put it at the back of your mind. Last thing you want is your life detated by losers who were not worth it. Go out there and enjoy life with friends etc. And Id imagine when you are happy and fun you will meet someone without knowing. As in not trying very hard to find someone.

I can definitely relate to you. Unfortunately there are quite alot of loser guys out there and have to push them out of the way to find the diamonds (i mean that as in high quality guys)

LegacyUser

Really appreciating all the replied. It's pretty disappointing alright. I'm 28 so I know the way te world works and it's not the first time this type of thing has happened, and probably won't be the last unfortunately!

He was the same age as me and I even remember commenting to a friend saying how mature and grown up he seemed as usually I'd go for someone a bit older...

Part of me would love to bump into him one day soon just to have the opportunity to say "oh so you are alive are you??" lol but realistically I will be forgetting about him now.

It's reassuring to here not all men are like that though so thanks again unreg1 for your reply.

And to "completely understand" I know exactly how u feel, the pressure to settle down is a horrible feeling but think the key is not to panic about and try to let things happen naturally, I know I know, easier said than done best of luck though and definitely sounds like you are better off without that recent guy too

LegacyUser

Thanks magneticimpulse! It's a harsh world out there eh?
The worst part about this for me was that this was my first attempt at putting myself back out there after splitting up with my long term boyfriend nearly a year ago. Confidence was low as it was but I met this guy and really liked him and thought things were looking uP only for this to happen and it's really knocked my confidence again! Not sure I'll be as quick to go out with the next guy who asks me out!

LegacyUser

3 dates then ...... nada wrote: »

Hi All
Met this guy and instantly hit it off, exchanged numbers and started texting and talking on the phone non stop for about a week until we both had a free night, went on a date, he drove out to meet me, neither of us drank that night and it was a great night. Stayed out for about 6 hours chatting and laughing and getting to know each other, he dropped me home and there was a bit of kissing and cuddling and he said all the right things.
Got a text from him as soon as he got home telling me how much he enjoyed himself etc.
This continued for two more dates over the next 10 days and inbetween times everything was so sweet and lots and lots of contact and flirting etc
We arranged to meet about 10 days ago and when it came to the day he asked if i minded if we did it another night instead as he was tired and still working etc etc, I was completely fine about that and said no problem etc, and since then I have heard not one word from him... I have sent him a couple of texts the few days following the day he stopped contact and heard nothing...
I just think this is a bit strange - fair enough if he just decided he wasnt interested but surely (or maybe Im dillusional) he should have said something considering how well things had been going and considering all the things he said about how much he liked me etc...
Maybe Im wrong.
I am now left feeling confused/worried/and a bit angry cos I thought he was so genuine!!
Any advice? I know in my heart it probably is the cold shoulder and that I should forget about him....(but what if hes in a coma?? lol!)

as a guy, I lose/loose attraction to a girl if the "sex factor" disappears or get late. perhaps this guy (as most of guys, if not all) lost interest becuase there was no soon sex (already had 3 dates?)

if i was in his shoes, and if i went more than 2 dates with no sex, i will in no way stay dating this girl whatsoever! and if i was dying for her, i will become more of her friend/brother -friends zone-.

this is my own opinion.

dixiefly

OP, I dont think you have done anything wrong. He has shown himself up to be a pretty unreliable character. you may have learned something from this to spot this type of guy in the future and avoid.

And not all guys are the same. Perhaps more and more are now but you shouldnt blame yourself. Think about it, do you want to invest any more in a liar......because that's what he has shown himself to be.

Miss Fluff

Classic gob****e behaviour!!! Have had this happen to me once and countless times to various friends. I'd put money on it you'll hear from him again. To his tiny mind, something/someone 'better', I.e. someone who was ready to sleep him right away, caught his attention. I had this happen to me about a year ago and it still makes me laugh. Had a couple of great dates with a guy, I didn't put out, he literally disappeared off the face of the Earth (which of course leaves you scratching your head wondering wtf??) and then about two weeks later a very long and bull****ty explanation by email because I wouldn't answer his calls.A year later and he STILL tries to contact me and it's so laughable, he is evidently a total nut job. If your flake can be soooo hot and then soooo cold, there is a very good chance he'll blow hot again when a. he's tired of the current distraction and b. He thinks you might be ready to go to bed with him.

You may think you're a bit hurt but you're not really. Just file him into the ' crazies' pile, he won't be the last, and be thankful you didn't invest any more time in him than a couple of dates!!!

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Just file him into the ' crazies' pile, he won't be the last, and be thankful you didn't invest any more time in him than a couple of dates!!!

Ha ha the crazies pile!

You can thank your lucky stars that you didn't have to waste any more of your valuable time on him. He actually did you a favour in a roundabout way!

okyboky

okyboky wrote: »

as a guy, I lose/loose attraction to a girl if the "sex factor" disappears or get late. perhaps this guy (as most of guys, if not all) lost interest becuase there was no soon sex (already had 3 dates?)

if i was in his shoes, and if i went more than 2 dates with no sex, i will in no way stay dating this girl whatsoever! and if i was dying for her, i will become more of her friend/brother -friends zone-.

this is my own opinion.

in my opinion two dates is far too quick to have sex if you genuinely love someone but that's only my opinion. OP is better off. forget about it and move on and don't do what all these idiot women do and stereotype men as sex addicts. i love a good rack but am more than prepared to wait to get my hands on it if the girl who comes with the rack is right personality wise.

magneticimpulse

okyboky wrote: »

as a guy, I lose/loose attraction to a girl if the "sex factor" disappears or get late. perhaps this guy (as most of guys, if not all) lost interest becuase there was no soon sex (already had 3 dates?)

if i was in his shoes, and if i went more than 2 dates with no sex, i will in no way stay dating this girl whatsoever! and if i was dying for her, i will become more of her friend/brother -friends zone-.

this is my own opinion.

yes it is certainly your own opinion. Im not going into the whole "sometimes guys "respect" girls who dont jump into bed too soon".

What you say is not true of all men by any means. Whether a woman decides to sleep with a man on the 1st date or 50th date is her choice. Whats important is that its when she is ready (or when the guy is ready whatever). Either way, if a guy thinks like you and ditches a girl after the 2nd date because he didnt have sex with her, he is not mature enough to have an adult relationship.

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, OP here
Thanks again for the comments and opinions.
I just wanted to say that we had spoken about sleeping together and it was going to be happening probably on the next date (so fourth date). The reason we were waiting til then wasnt because I wasnt ready or willing, more to do with logistics of when/where etc... so it still doesnt make sense if that was his own reasons for disappearing... unless he wasnt able to wait two nights!! haha
If that was his own reasoning behind it then fine but my bigger problem with it is how he couldnt even tell me he was hitting the high road! Its so much more disrespectful than it would have been even to say he couldnt be arsed!
"the crazies pile"... love that phrase - gonna be using it from now on

I'm also a great believer in fate. He's not for you simple as. the world has a sort of push pull factor with things like this. There is someone out there more suited to you. You might have thought it was this guy but but it isn't. Invest your time and thoughts into someone more worth it.

you'll meet someone ideal for you

LegacyUser

The exact same thing is currently happening to me...except I slept with the guy on the fourth date...lesson learned, I feel like rubbish.

LegacyUser

I have accepted that it wasnt meant to be and all is fine on that score. I am sure I will look back and laugh about it!

ughghghg - from past experiences I know how you are feeling now. Only thing that works for me is just trying to forget about him and moving on. You are not at fault so you should not feel like rubbish. Dont let yourself feel that way if you can.

ando

okyboky wrote: »

if i was in his shoes, and if i went more than 2 dates with no sex, i will in no way stay dating this girl whatsoever!

Just for the record, not all men are like this. Infact personally I think this guys behaviour is shameful/immature

LegacyUser

ando wrote: »

Just for the record, not all men are like this.

But lots are....I've slept with 8 men (all over 30) in the last 2 years, and 5 of them disappeared after date 2 or 3 without a text, call or trace....judge me if you wish. It's life and is sucks.

lazygal

but lots are wrote: »

But lots are....I've slept with 8 men (all over 30) in the last 2 years, and 5 of them disappeared after date 2 or 3 without a text, call or trace....judge me if you wish. It's life and is sucks.

Maybe wait a bit longer before sleeping with them? I'm not being nasty, I just think some people jump into bed way too soon.

OP we've all have this, I know I have. I'd recommend the book He's Just Not That Into You. It saved me a lot of agony and made me realise I don't waste my time on losers. Now I'm getting married in a month so it worked for me.

Elle Collins

okyboky wrote: »

as a guy, I lose/loose attraction to a girl if the "sex factor" disappears or get late. perhaps this guy (as most of guys, if not all) lost interest becuase there was no soon sex (already had 3 dates?)

if i was in his shoes, and if i went more than 2 dates with no sex, i will in no way stay dating this girl whatsoever!

I think it's great that some men display these attitudes - makes it a doddle to figure out who is and who isn't worth my time.