Best excuses for getting out of doing jury duty?

AskMyChocolate

Heh gang,

It was Flyswatter's thread on psychosis that reminded me of this. I got called for jury duty and filled out the form. In the form there was a question about mental health. I filled it out honestly, stating that I suffered from a mental illness, but it was only episodic, and I was perfectly prepared to do jury service. I was automatically exempted, whereas a convicted criminal would have to produce evidence to explain why s/he wasn't available. I wasn't even asked to send in a doctor's letter. (Although sending a courier with the exemption letter was a bit much.:mad: joke:pac:)
I have a jar where I keep pens(most of them fcuked like lighters), and I started to fill out the form with a black pen, which soon ran out, then I moved to a blue pen (same story) so ended up having to fill out the rest of the form with a red pen. I'd say there was alarm bells ringing in the courts service.

I wouldn't mind but I was free at the time, and I'd say I wouldn't be any worse of a juror than anyone else, but I digress.

So AHers, what excuse would ye use to get out of doing jury duty? Usual rules apply. The funnier and more ridiculous the idea, the better.

Chocolate

chin_grin

"Your honour............I have to admit..........I'm a racist\homophobe\xenophobe\any of the above-aphobe."

Strut out of court. F*ck yeah.

FatherLen

i wouldnt give an excuse. i have never done it and would probably find the whole thing exciting.

oh and they are guilty no matter what!

admiralofthefleet

dont shave for 2 weeks prior and turn up like dressed like frank out of shameless. works a treat

jackiebaron

Your honour, can I just vote guilty now, by mail?

Bigcheeze

You don't need an excuse. Just don't show up. No one has ever been prosecuted* for non attendance.




* Fact may be made up

Hank_Jones

I find people usually just say that they are on holidays during those dates.
Least they did when I went for jury duty.

NTMK

I got called for it but got an exemption because



I'm a student!!!!!:pac::pac:

AskMyChocolate

FatherLen wrote: »

i wouldnt give an excuse. i have never done it and would probably find the whole thing exciting.

oh and they are guilty no matter what!

Yeah. I would have liked to do it too.:o My life is so uneventful.:(

But I stuck to my guns Marge, and he walked out of there a free hotel.

krudler

say you know the defendant/accused, and if they're a woman even better, tell em you have her in your spank bank.

Coriolanus

Turn up stinking of drink.

UsernameInUse

JUST TELL THEM YOU'RE WASHING YOUR HAIR THAT DAY.

AskMyChocolate

I'm sorry your honour, but I'm doing yore Ma in the morning and blasting your brother with piss in the afternoon. I'm fully booked.

AskMyChocolate

Nevore wrote: »

Turn up stinking of drink.

Without a shadow of a doubt, the best way to get yourself de-barred from doing it. *tips hat*

But, the rules of the game clearly state it is about getting exempted. Your solution would still cost you a morning.

It is with the deepest regret that I have to disqualify your entry.

Homer

"I'm a professional psychic so I would know who is guilty even before the trial."

Duggy747

Fake your own death.

JBnaglfar

The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Guill

My GF was called up but got an exemption because she was teaching baby and jjunior infants at the time, seemingly when you are doing that your mindset changes.

Claasman

allergic to knackers...

Terry Cotta

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MFebZlUJ7E

Coriolanus

AskMyChocolate wrote: »

Without a shadow of a doubt, the best way to get yourself de-barred from doing it. *tips hat*

But, the rules of the game clearly state it is about getting exempted. Your solution would still cost you a morning.

It is with the deepest regret that I have to disqualify your entry.

Hmm... I see your point.

Send the letter back, ticked yes and stinking of drink. Possibly include a ciggy burn hole

Refugee from RealLife

Just go in and tell the Judge you know the defendant.

Pauleta

Turn up like a complete scruff and you will never be selected. In my experience of doing Jury duty i found it fantastic. One of the best weeks i ever spend.

ejmaztec

Write "deceased" on the form, and attach a copy of your obituary.

AskMyChocolate

Have you ever been convicted of a criminal offence?

No. Although I did cut a deal with a well-heeled little piggie who lived in a brick house, at the expense of his less well off neighbours.

Mike 1972

Scott Adams once pointed out that the biggest flaw with juries is that they are comprised of people who arent smart enough to get out of doing jury service.

RichieC

I've been called twice and both times were a doddle..

sam34

have never been called but would be exempt anyway because of my job. am glad of this cos I wouldn't like the responsibility.

Mike 1972

RichieC wrote: »

I've been called twice.

sam34 wrote: »

have never been called

One of the (many) things Ive never understood about jury service is how some people never get called while others can be called two or more times

Captain Commie

Got called to serve in belfast after i moved to dublin. Called them and told them couldnt do it as lived outside N.I. but was told to make sure that i was ready to attend on short notice.

After a couple of phone calls, and an email from my manager saying that they did not recognise the NI Court Service, and that continued absense from work would result in my dismissal. Got a phone call within minutes of that email being sent saying that i was excused and that i had a lifetime excemption

sam34

Mike 1972 wrote: »

One of the (many) things Ive never understood about jury service is how some people never get called while others can be called two or more times

I think its based on the electoral register so maybe some people arent registered or are registered at an old address. a sibling of mine was called to serve at our local court (the county her vote was registered in) even though she was living in a different county altogether.

RichieC

Mike 1972 wrote: »

One of the (many) things Ive never understood about jury service is how some people never get called while others can be called two or more times

I think after you're called the first time you'll be called again within 5 years, then not again for 15, though I really cant remember where i read that and too lazy to check right now.

Da Bounca

Get paid for work and get paid for jury duty. Why try and dodge it?

January

Da Bounca wrote: »

Get paid for work and get paid for jury duty. Why try and dodge it?

Except you don't get paid for jury duty... if you're picked you get free lunch but that's it.

seafood dunleavy

Get a pair of glasses that have fake eyes and then fall asleep.

Panda General

If i got called i would do it for the experience and say that i have done but if i had to make up an excuse i would get my boss to send them a letter saying that they are really busy i was the only person there that did my job and they couldn't afford to be without me.

Plazaman

My shiny tin foil hat does all my talking.

Savage Tyrant

I'd turn up dressed like a british judge with the curly White wig, long black cloak and an oversized tricolor inflatable hammer.....
If I got picked then I'd be delighted.

TouchingVirus

Nevore wrote: »

Turn up stinking of drink.

That's an offence, nice fine for it too


Say you've been booked for a work trip to Austria for those dates. I wasn't asked for proof of flights or anything when I was called up in January to the district court but I did want to do it

petes

Hank_Jones wrote: »

I find people usually just say that they are on holidays during those dates.
Least they did when I went for jury duty.

How did you find that out if they weren't there?

Not a great excuse but I just got work to give me a letter saying I'm needed there. That was twice!

Dick Burns

i had jury duty a few weeks ago decided i would go out in maynooth the night before ended up not goin to bed went straight to the courthouse langers,thankfully was only there for under 2 hours and we were sent home

it is the biggest waste of time ever like they went through the each of cases there and then and said "no jury for this one" why couldnt they of decided this before draggin nearly a 100 people down!

anyway my excuse would be,say the jonas brothers are in town but any other week is fine

effluent

Switch your name with your pet cats name, walk into court, place the cat in the jury seat ans walk out.

Problem solved

AlmightyCushion

No smoke without fire.

Mike 1972

Dick Burns wrote: »

it is the biggest waste of time ever like they went through the each of cases there and then and said "no jury for this one" why couldnt they of decided this before draggin nearly a 100 people down!

9 times out of 10 anything to do with courts usually is.

Waste THEIR time though and theyll try and do you for contempt :mad: