Hitting my limit of stress

LegacyUser

Every now and again i post to blow off some steam. I'm now running out of steam to blow off though.
Someone please just tell me this isn't normal.

Over the past few months iv been getting more and more stressed and have noticed signs of depression creeping in
again. I'm also showing classic signs of stress related illness again.


In the last four weeks iv been dealing with fallout from my father and his alcohol problem. He is loosing/lost his remaining marbles and is currently
as of an hour ago fallen off the roof trying to "clean the chimney" with no chimney brushes. He'll be ok physically but has badly broken his leg. This doesn't
surprise me in the slightest as its a long long running saga. I have a gut feeling/fear it may have been deliberate. This is actually the second time hes fallen off the roof.

Last week I was told he was walking into town with a bin bag full of clothes telling people he was going into hospital. So naturally i rang straight away to find out what was going on.
After gently steering the conversation I discovered he was telling people (including a cancer sufferer) that he had lung cancer. Which he doesn't and hasn't been to a hospital.
He does however require blood thinners that he cant take because he cant stop drinking so is probably in trouble from that. (again a long story in itself)

Next week he is supposed to be in court for brandishing a shotgun because he had a disagreement with my brother and was going to try and kill him.
Since im the only one who can deal with him I have to get his ass to court and try and get the guard to make alcohol treatment recommended in court.
(Three previous trips for treatment failed)

The above stories are the highlights of the last six months I could keep going and get a book out of it.


Im in a situation now where im being told not to try and get him put in a mental facility and have been told many many times by
family members no way you cant do that it would be better if he died and how could you live with yourself.......

I no longer know what to do next but i never really knew what to do next anyway except wait for the next disaster. I'm going to try and get to alanon tonight as im
as close to my breaking point as I get and a doctor may not be a bad idea. I may have to go surfing this weekend as my way of dealing with stress.


So silly unanswerable question any idea on what the hell i should do next

Emme

stressed_ed wrote: »

Since im the only one who can deal with him I have to get his ass to court and try and get the guard to make alcohol treatment recommended in court. (Three previous trips for treatment failed)

I know you're doing your best and running yourself ragged, but can you really deal with him or are others just saying that to offload the responsibility onto you. It sounds like nobody could deal with your father.

stressed_ed wrote: »

The above stories are the highlights of the last six months I could keep going and get a book out of it.

It will continue and get worse if you don't step back and get some time for yourself which isn't easy when everyone is on your back and giving you guilt trips.

stressed_ed wrote: »

Im in a situation now where im being told not to try and get him put in a mental facility and have been told many many times by family members no way you cant do that it would be better if he died and how could you live with yourself.......

So, are these family members willing to step in and take some responsibility for your father? If not what you do is none of their business. I can assure you that by the sounds of things, your father will go on for many years as he is, despite the health problems he has probably cheated death countless times and might outlive your entire family, including yourself!

The reality is that if you don't take care of yourself YOU will end up in the mental facility with an emotional breakdown. And if you do, don't expect anyone in your family to come running to look after you, they'll be blaming you for not being strong enough or feeling sorry for yourself or anything as long as they don't have to take responsibility for you.

stressed_ed wrote: »

I no longer know what to do next but i never really knew what to do next anyway except wait for the next disaster. I'm going to try and get to alanon tonight as im as close to my breaking point as I get and a doctor may not be a bad idea. I may have to go surfing this weekend as my way of dealing with stress.

So silly unanswerable question any idea on what the hell i should do next

Definitely go to Alanon and get advice from them. And be sure to go surfing this weekend and resolve to go surfing more often than ever. You are not your father's babysitter.

Good luck.

Sleepy

Tell your family to help out or you're going to do the right thing and pack him off to St. John of Gods (or wherever local would be able to provide treatment for him).

Keeping him out of treatment is the worst thing ye could be doing. He's a danger to himself and to others. How embarressing would it be for the family if he succeeded in killing someone next time he brandishes the shot gun? The neighbours knowing that he has mental health problems (which I'm sure they do already given what you've written) couldn't be nearly as embaressing for them, could it?

Taltos

OP - there comes a time where you have to start putting your own wellbeing and health ahead of others.

I know it seems harsh but sometimes the only thing you can do to help someone is to stop being there - they have to learn to help themselves - and more importantly want it.

Maybe reach out to some of the support groups out there - like Al-anon.
Do it now before the despair really does consume you.
Don't think that you are being selfish - your father is by continuing to do this not only to himself but to all those around him. He chooses to drink - you don't choose that for him. The only real choice you have here is to say to yourself - "enough is enough" & to mean it and walk away.