She's trouble....but I like her. Help!?

LegacyUser

Here's a bit of background, met this girl about a year or so ago through a friend, and was instantly attracted to her. Within a week of me meeting her she started hooking up with a guy and they started going out. "Oh well" I thought, and pushed away my feelings. We're all part of the same social circle so have had many a night out, having a lot of fun (the clean kind!).

She started having problems with her boyfriend in November and they broke up. At this point though, I had buried my attraction for her. Then one night out in December she kissed me, and I kissed her back. She had also told some mutual friends that she had liked me for ages. So we started hanging out more, had a few dates etc. Sometime quite awkward due to her ex being a friend of both of us. Got through that handy enough.
One thing that got to me though was that she always seemed unwilling to commit. I mean, it's not like I was hounding her or pressuring her to make us official, but with the amount of time we spent together I thought it was reasonable for her to say she wouldn't hook up with anyone else. She didn't agree to this, but also never said she would get with someone else, while saying she'd be upset if I did! It got to a point where she knew I wanted more than her, so we decided to stop seeing each other. Within a week we ended up back together, as we both felt crap without each other.

Roll on 4-6 weeks and she starts being hard to get a hold of, cancellling dates and the like with short notice. Could go a day without replying to a text, despite constantly texting me at the start. Then I start to notice she keeps getting texts from her previous ex, from 2 years ago. I don't know the content of them, but would often see his name pop up on her phone. He also posts a lot and comments on her facebook, and recently became friends with her housemates (he lives in a different town so it's unlikely he met them unless he was at her house). He also made comments about her room and little private jokes.

The lack of any sign of commitment from her, and (unvoiced) suspicions by me regarding her ex led to us deciding to stop seeing each other again. I then went (with great difficulty) a week or so without texting or contacting her.

Our group went out 2 weeks ago for a birthday, and I got chatting to a girl on the dancefloor. Low and behold my 'ex' comes over and starts dancing between us, and telling me she doesn't like this other girl, and basically scares off the girl I was talking to. I was very annoyed. If she doesn't want to be with me, then why does she care about me chatting to another girl. It's like she wants to have her cake and eat it. So we get talking at a house party after the club, and end up spending the night together.

Fast forward to the next day, and she apologises for messing with my head. Turns out she has been meeting her old ex a bit, though she promised they only hung out. She said they have stuff they need to sort out that they never sorted when they broke up, and it's bad timing for me and her. She has never told him about me, but has promised me she'll be 100% honest with me regarding him, like if anything happens between them- she'll tell me.

Right now, my brain is telling me to run, and run fast. That no relationship should be this hard at the start, if she wanted me she'd make herself available, wouldn't cancel dates for no reason, would make more of an effort. It hurts to think about the whole scenario, I can't get why it's so hard to meet a nice girl who's in control of her baggage and won't mess me about. I know I should run, but my heart wants me to stay.....what should I do!? I'm really crazy about her.

Taltos

OP - will keep this simple.
You are the rebound guy - the one who is there to stroke her ego.
But also the one she will not end up with.

Forget about running - hide...

PK2008

OP this girl is making a sap out of you and your mate. Save yourself a lot of head wrecking and tell her to pi55 off

Eve_Dublin

confusedbad wrote: »

Our group went out 2 weeks ago for a birthday, and I got chatting to a girl on the dancefloor. Low and behold my 'ex' comes over and starts dancing between us, and telling me she doesn't like this other girl, and basically scares off the girl I was talking to. I was very annoyed. If she doesn't want to be with me, then why does she care about me chatting to another girl. It's like she wants to have her cake and eat it. So we get talking at a house party after the club, and end up spending the night together.

That's the bahaviour of a cow, OP. This is the opinion I'd have of a girl who stood between me and the guy I was talking to and state that she doesn't like me for no apparent reason...and this girl doesn't even have a claim on you. Alarm bells-a-rama. You may fancy the pants off her (I'm guessing lust is what's fuelling the attraction here...it's hardly her kind and caring personality anyway....perhaps I'm wrong) but you have to see the word for trees here and reread what you wrote. What advice would you give yourself?

Your her ago boost OP and nothing more and she's treating you like the craap on her shoe.

Sleepy

run.

run.

run.

don't turn back...

beks101

She'll keep you posted on whether or not something happens between her and her ex...how kind and considerate of her. :rolleyes:

OP this girl obviously has zero respect for you and is stringing you along because it makes her feel good about herself to know that there is constantly someone in the background lusting after her. She's toying with your feelings and feeding you scraps of hope to make sure you don't move on and find someone else. Like that girl on the dance floor. She has no intention of starting a relationship with you, but no-one else can because that would mean she has no-one to fall back on. Sorry to say this but what a self-centred b1tch. Surely you can see this?

You deserve more than someone who throws ill-intentioned shreds of attention your way for her own benefit and someone who won't make being with her this complicated. Don't humour her any longer, you can do way better

flowerchild

confusedbad wrote: »

I can't get why it's so hard to meet a nice girl who's in control of her baggage and won't mess me about. I know I should run, but my heart wants me to stay.....what should I do!? I'm really crazy about her.

How do you choose who you like/are attracted to? Were you parents well-suited and a good stable match? Sometimes we repeat history until we get it, or we meet who we really need and run away because it is scary.

I don't know any of this but it might be worth just musing about it.

LegacyUser

OP, I was in the exact same position as you, but jesus let me tell you it gets worse.

My "ex" is now going out with someone else, but im typing this just after shes left my house after wanting to "hang out" last night. The only reason i let her is that im weak and like you, i was and am crazy about her. For gods sake run, dont be the ego boost and be as fcuking pathetic as me a few months down the road.

ppink

confusedbad wrote: »

. She has never told him about me, but has promised me she'll be 100% honest with me regarding him, like if anything happens between them- she'll tell me.

.

So then you can also agree to tell her if anything happens with you and any other girl, see what she thinks of that;)

I would be getting away from her fairly quick OP.

LegacyUser

OP here.
Just want to say thanks for all the replies. I guess I knew deep down what I needed to do, and close friends have echoed what you guys and girls have advised. I'm gonna meet up with her, give her back her stuff she has left at mine and tell her straight up I'm not gonna be played, and not to interfere the way she did that night in the club. She's missed her chance, and maybe someone else will appreciate me and what I have to offer.