Sick to my stomach!

aliceidentity

Hi,

I will try to keep this short.

I was dating a guy for just over a year. We broke up back in November over the phone as he was to chicken to do it to my face. Of course as you can tell it was not a mutual agreement.

I have been getting on with things and getting over him but today I just became so ill. I started to remember things that had happened throughout our relationship, things I had forgotten about completely. I remembered how he lied to me all the time but I was too "in love" with him that I just let these go.

I don't want to go into much detail. Their were small and big lies. The smallest I can think of is him telling me he was to sick to go out anywhere, I would then find out those nights he was "sick" he was out in house parties and out on the town with his friends doing drugs and drinking until unconscious. (Photos on facebook confirmed this)

Biggest one was he had always told me he had never cheated. I found out just after we broke up that he had cheated on me. I was thinking today that he probably cheated on me numinous times but it was hard enough getting him to admit he had done it once. I want to now get myself tested for std's incase the ba*tard gave me any.

He had always strung me along but at the time I never saw it like that. I always felt unwanted and paranoid. Now that I think back I was right to feel like this because my gut was trying to tell me this relationship was very very bad. He used to tell me I was being stupid and I believed him.

While we were going out, just a few months in I found him on-line flirting and planning to meet up with some girl coming over here for a few months from Germany. Why didn't I stop it then? He was always flirting with other women, I just thought I was being jealous at the time but I know I wasn't. He used to say he wasn't able to flirt because he didn't know how...ha!

Even during the break up, it was bad enough that he did it by phone but he then strung me along for the first week saying he is unsure and just to give it a break for a week and he'll give me an answer. He still broke it off, by phone again. During that week a mutual friend told me he was out with a foreigner girl and doing drugs etc..He was always doing those legal (at the time) drugs. I myself never did them. He used to say he was not going to do any but then during the night I would find him off his head on something or other.

He also always spend all his money on alcohol or drugs and I do believe still does now.

There is so much more that he did, a whole years worth but at the time I thought I was in love and that he loved me.

I feel so ill that my confidence and self esteem was so low that I let someone treat me like this? That I went along with it and almost let it all happen because I would not end it myself. Even breaking up, he had all the control and I stayed there like a blind duck doing nothing but let him crush any confidence I had left.

I grew up in an abusive household. I've gone through so much in my life but I always thought I had more self respect than that.

Even now I feel useless because there is no way I can talk to him. I never got my closure, just more pain and hurt. He took everything from me. I mean everything!

Im not even sure what I am asking here. I guess I just needed to let it out because I will never get to say any of this to him. Is it possible to re-build your confidence after going through so much pain? Is it possible to let it go without full closure? Will I ever find myself a healthy relationship? Someone that will treat me right.

Thank you for reading.

Lucyx

Believe me when I tell you it is possible to rebuild your confidence after someone has done all of that to you. You have to make sure you do stuff that makes you feel good about yourself and honestly in time the anger and pain that you're (rightly) feeling at this time will surely pass.

You talk about getting your closure. The last thing you wanna do is let him know how much pain he's caused you. Thats giving him way too much power and letting him know how much he affected you. Be glad that you'll never see him again and be very grateful that he's gone from your life. You should be delighted and relieved

Honestly all the stuff thats going around your head will pass soon enough. I understand that at times you feel like you're going insane. This won't last. Try to talk to mates about it to get it off your chest and occupy your time as much as you can to distract yourself.

He sounds like a right tosser. Good riddance.

bubblebrain

Yes good riddance to this guy! I know it's a cliche but time does heal all wounds.

Forgive yourself and be proud that you've got the power to trust and presume that people are telling you the truth: these are great qualities that not everyone has.

Chalk it down to a life experience and be thankful that has thought you a valuable lesson: that you deserve better than him and in future, your gut instinct is your best friend.

LegacyUser

Reading your post is like reading my life! I say that guy done you a favor by leaving you. I say this as I'm guessing you would have just stuck with it and avoided the truth of the situation by brushing it aside and somehow forget how bad it actually is.

you CAN and Will come through this! but you need to work on your confidence and make sure you don't choose another guy like this again. Don't make my mistake by taking this guy back ever!!!! (cause you know how convincing they can be) you had a lucky escape -believe me I've 15 years of this carry on and my confidence and soul is badly scared...

Good luck and enjoy been free of the feeling your losing your mind.

aliceidentity

I Just want to thank you all for the replies!

can'ttakenomore I really hope you are out of that situation because I know how hard it is to realize how bad of a situation it is.

I just want to say thanks for the support from all of you, I was very worried that I wouldn't be able to re build myself after that and trust someone again. It has become a struggle to trust anyone the past few months. I guess I will need to work on trust and so will anyone coming into my life in order for me to believe in them like I did with him.

I will not be getting in contact with him ever. It is just so hard to let go of the pain and anger I feel towards the whole thing. I feel completely hopeless and weak.

I was always so strong and to have let someone do this to me has made me not so much angry at them but angry at myself for allowing it.

I know he has been off getting his bit off every women that will even give him a second glance and I have not been even close to a date with someone else. Not that I can't. I just do not want to. I came to the realization that he is a complete mess, drugs and alcohol. No money for anything. I do think he is very unhappy with himself that to feel good he uses others all the time, women and friends.

I wish I didn't feel so unless. I know I have to let it go!

dixiefly

aliceidentity wrote: »

Hi,

I will try to keep this short.

I was dating a guy for just over a year. We broke up back in November over the phone as he was to chicken to do it to my face. Of course as you can tell it was not a mutual agreement.

I have been getting on with things and getting over him but today I just became so ill. I started to remember things that had happened throughout our relationship, things I had forgotten about completely. I remembered how he lied to me all the time but I was too "in love" with him that I just let these go.

You didnt deserve to be treated the way he treated you. It used to surprise me how many very nice attractive girls were attracted to guys that were obvious a$$holes. Never seeing the obvious or listening to advice that they may have been given.

Going forward as mentioned above, you are way better off rid of him. You will need to identify this type of character more easily in future without, at the same time, being put off all guys. You may have to become harder work for guys in the future but that might help sift out guys like this.

dixiefly

can'ttakenomore wrote: »

Reading your post is like reading my life! I say that guy done you a favor by leaving you. I say this as I'm guessing you would have just stuck with it and avoided the truth of the situation by brushing it aside and somehow forget how bad it actually is.

you CAN and Will come through this! but you need to work on your confidence and make sure you don't choose another guy like this again. Don't make my mistake by taking this guy back ever!!!! (cause you know how convincing they can be) you had a lucky escape -believe me I've 15 years of this carry on and my confidence and soul is badly scared...

Good luck and enjoy been free of the feeling your losing your mind.

Hope you are now rid of him.

Blumentopf

Well, if it's any consolation, I've been with some a********, too! And jeez what an idiot I was then, too. But of course at the time I couldn't see it. Or didn't really want to. Afraid of change, afraid of being alone, afraid of god knows what... so one puts up with the most unbelievable things and finds the most hilarious excuses for the odd behaviour, and then adding insult to injury one gets dumped by the very a*. But as someone said previously, thank god for that and good riddance. And then one goes through the phase you're going through right now and one can't understand how one could have been such an idiot, such a rug, believe all the obvious nonsense and all those feelings of disbelief about ones stupidity and weakness.... It passes. It's part of the getting over and getting on with it, the thing is not to dwell on it. You've just been very unlucky. You just need time to find yourself again, and discover that you're quite ok the way you are, and you won't even need any "closure" talk, because he won't matter anymore. He'll be playing with someone else's feelings, he'll never enjoy the true meaning of love, whereas you, my dear, will be just dandy!