Question about etiquette towards public officials.

SuperInfinity

Do you consider it as appropriate or even wise to say things such as please and thanks to public officials in situations you disagree with or at all?

Recently I was clamped and for some reason, relieved for being declamped I quietly said thanks to the person for removing a clamp from my car after I had paid the outrageous and crippling fee. And this is when it really hit me as sounding strange, in particular since this person didn't thank me when receiving the money. I've always thought of it as just a perfunctory thing to say, not really meaning anything when said in that type of context. However it really struck me as being not right that time.

I've been like that in other situations as well, when I am in disagreement over something. Maybe I am a pushover and making it easier for those people to pick on people...

s3129

Its nice to be nice

Savage Tyrant

Most people do seem to be subconsciously hard-wired to be polite and even submissive to people in a presumed position of authority. Especially if that person is in uniform.
If you parked blocking someone's driveway and they clamped you and refused to release your car, I'm sure knowing they weren't entitled to do it would result in you not being so polite.

LighterGuy

Saying thank you is generally bull****.
Alot of situations in life its being polite. Ie, when a person hands you your change. Thats fair enough. You are being nice.

In other instances we say "thanks" when it is so not needed or called for.

s3129

LighterGuy wrote: »

Saying thank you is generally bull****.
Alot of situations in life its being polite. Ie, when a person hands you your change. Thats fair enough. You are being nice.

In other instances we say "thanks" when it is so not needed or called for.

I hate when some one in a shop is giving change and as I'm saying thank you and putting my hand out to take change, they fire it on the counter.

So irritating.

Sinfonia

Cheers thanks a million take care now god bless thanks see ya...thanks
The Irish can be funny with this stuff.

Anyway about the clamper:
Assuming you parked illegally, thus deserving to be clamped, the guy who takes the clamp off is performing a service for you, so yes I think you should thank him (presuming you would thank other people who you pay to perform services (ha!))

If you disagree with the whole concept of clamping, then your issue is with the people who introduced the law that allows clamping really... Not with a guy who just does his job.

SuperInfinity

LighterGuy wrote: »

Saying thank you is generally bull****.
Alot of situations in life its being polite. Ie, when a person hands you your change. Thats fair enough. You are being nice.

In other instances we say "thanks" when it is so not needed or called for.

Yes, that's a consensual transaction. This isn't though. Savage Tyrant, I parked in noone's driveaway and upset noone. It was not a busy place, there were plenty of parking spaces all around. The reason I was clamped is I accidentally got the date wrong on the parking disc. I don't really contest being clamped... it's just how as you are saying people seem hard-wired to being a bit submissive to authority figures when maybe we should have a different attitude.

LighterGuy

s3129 wrote: »

I hate when some one in a shop is giving change and as I'm saying thank you and putting my hand out to take change, they fire it on the counter.

So irritating.

I've worked in my share of retail jobs and that is rude.
You should never give change on a counter unless there is a waiting period (ie, customer is putting away the item/s and you got your hand out waiting for like 20 seconds or more) otherwise it is just so rude.

Tone of voice is another thing. I would of usually said "thats 10.70 please" ... but you can say "thats 10.70" ... but if you just rudely went "10.70!" thats another rude aspect.

LighterGuy

SuperInfinity wrote: »

Yes, that's a consensual transaction. This isn't though. Savage Tyrant, I parked in noone's driveaway and upset noone. It was not a busy place, there were plenty of parking spaces all around. The reason I was clamped is I accidentally got the date wrong on the parking disc. I don't really contest being clamped... it's just how as you are saying people seem hard-wired to being a bit submissive to authority figures when maybe we should have a different attitude.

You have to have an attiude when called for.
If some guy is trying to rip you off/shaft you, lie to you, use you etc etc etc you are a fool to say thank you

(and by "you" i mean you, me and everyone else)

Savage Tyrant

SuperInfinity wrote: »

Yes, that's a consensual transaction. This isn't though. Savage Tyrant, I parked in noone's driveaway and upset noone. It was not a busy place, there were plenty of parking spaces all around. The reason I was clamped is I accidentally got the date wrong on the parking disc. I don't really contest being clamped... it's just how as you are saying people seem hard-wired to being a bit submissive to authority figures when maybe we should have a different attitude.

Oh yeah, absolutely. I'm not disagreeing with you on what you're saying. Just pointing out that we are generally hardwired to be polite to those we perceive to be in the authoritative position at the time. That subconscious thing is magnified if that person is in uniform. (high-vis jacket?)
But yeah, we definitely should have a different attitude.

StupidLikeAFox

Once I parked on the double yellow lines in college as I was running late and thought the clamping system hadnt started yet. Came out, was clamped, pissed off but realised it was my fault. Had a grand chat with the guy, who mentioned at the end that if I parked in the gravel area it would be fine as they dont clamp there.

Didnt bother to get my permit then, was parking on the gravel for about 2 months. Came out one day and my car and about 8 around it were all clamped.

Lets just say I made a bit of a show of myself when he turned up to remove the clamp. Im sure clampers are used to abuse bt I think I outdid myself that day

MagicSean

I've seen a few people thank ATM machines without thinking. No harm in being nice though.

starbelgrade

SuperInfinity wrote: »

Do you consider it as appropriate or even wise to say things such as please and thanks to public officials in situations you disagree with or at all?

That depends on the situation.

It doesn't really relate to your story though, which is about a public official not thanking you. That could easily have happened in a shop owned by a private individual. And quite often does in my experience.

I deal with the private sector quite a bit - mainly county councils - and while it is true that there are some work shy, work-to-rule, couldn't-be-arsed types... for every one of them, there's many others who will go well out of their way to help you & always greet you with a smile, a thanks & a please.

But back to your original question... Do I consider it as appropriate or even wise to say things such as please and thanks to public officials in situations you disagree with or at all? In general, yes - I will do so with gritted teeth, because most likely I may have to deal with them again, so there's little point in making things even more difficult for myself.

Biggins

I think its common decency to be nice to all.
Unless someone has done something harmful to you, what is the problem with behaving like a decent human being and having a bit of manners?
Your a better person for it and are showing others (young minds too!) good examples.

mikemac

It's fairly normal to say please and thank you, many do it without thinking

Come to think of it, I say "sorry, I don't smoke" when asked for a cigarette or "sorry" to Bridey and Mary who block the aisle in Tesco as they chat. What am I apologizing for, I say sorry far too often

The lad with the clamp is doing his job and it's not a well paid one. The person who designated and marked the area is where you can direct your anger and point of view

Lando Griffin

A few of the staff in my local shop never saw hello, thanks or goodbye.
I always walk up and say hello to be greeted by the assistant putting her head down and start scanning the items.
They will announce the price eg 10.99 and look away.
I give them the money and they return the change and look away without any thanks.
I was discussing this with a few people when one person told me to notice the manners of the management, who do nothing but give orders and stand around with a sulk on their face all day observing their staff working.

Biggins

Lando Griffin wrote: »

A few of the staff in my local shop never saw hello, thanks or goodbye.
I always walk up and say hello to be greeted by the assistant putting her head down and start scanning the items.
They will announce the price eg 10.99 and look away.
I give them the money and they return the change and look away without any thanks.
I was discussing this with a few people when one person told me to notice the manners of the management, who do nothing but give orders and stand around with a sulk on their face all day observing their staff working.

Sounds like a right lovely place to be working in!
Yikes!

mikemac

Lando Griffin wrote: »

A few of the staff in my local shop never saw hello, thanks or goodbye.

Can go too far the other way too

"Hi, how are you? Oh a lucozade, full of calories you know. And a toasted sandwich too?? You must be hungry"

I like friendly staff but I don't like over familiar staff who pass comments on what I purchase

squod

Sinfonia wrote: »

Anyway about the clamper:
Assuming you parked illegally, thus deserving to be clamped, the guy who takes the clamp off is performing a service for you, so yes I think you should thank him (presuming you would thank other people who you pay to perform services (ha!))

If you disagree with the whole concept of clamping, then your issue is with the people who introduced the law that allows clamping really... Not with a guy who just does his job.

Clamping is still illegal etc. Parking illegally not equal to being illegally clamped.

keithclancy

Its being mock nice.


Like ..

"Oh Hi how are ya .. Grand .. see ya later .. ya c*nt"

jackiebaron

s3129 wrote: »

I hate when some one in a shop is giving change and as I'm saying thank you and putting my hand out to take change, they fire it on the counter.

So irritating.

I usually bark "you couldn't put it it my fcuking hand??" or "Thanks, wanker!"
I don't care, I'll never see the prick again and they'll always have my rant in their mind when they're handing back change in future.
As for saying thank you....I only say it if I mean it or to people who are nice. If a ticket inspector or passport control person is snotty or nonchalant and gives me back my ticket/passport/whatever and sneeringly says "thank you. Have a nice day/flight", I don't even acknowledge the bastard, I just ignore him and walk off or go back to my book.

biko

I'm one of those people that say "please" and "thank you" all the time, just can't help myself.

thebigbiffo

same as biko and same as OP. sometimes i'm almost too polite. i've been clamped twice - both i had a sort of reasonable excuse. the first time, i paid the fine and the guy came to release it - i was actually really angry and made an effort to cold shoulder the guy. he did his thing as i sat there looking all self-righteous and then he finished and handed me the receipt and other forms..."thanks" says i, then quickly realised i was supposed to hate this guy, scowled and jumped in the car...in fairness though, i suppose he's just doing his job - it's irish rail allowing profiteering on their (state owned) property i've a problem with.

stovelid

I think the only excuse for being rude to public officials (or any customer facing staff) is if they are rude to you.

Taking your frustration out on some front-liner with no real responsibility for what is angering you isn't very nice and often counter-productive as they won't be inclined to be helpful to you.

It's a cliche but it really is better to be nice in your dealings with people - without being a stooge of course.

Also whenever people complain to me about stuff like clamping, it's hard not to notice that in the majority of cases, they've, you know, parked illegally. What do they want? A medal for it?

jackiebaron

squod wrote: »

Clamping is still illegal etc. Parking illegally not equal to being illegally clamped.

Is clamping actually illegal?

Snakeblood

feelingstressed wrote: »

Can go too far the other way too

"Hi, how are you? Oh a lucozade, full of calories you know. And a toasted sandwich too?? You must be hungry"

I like friendly staff but I don't like over familiar staff who pass comments on what I purchase

It depends what they say. Like if they say 'I think you've had enough cakes' or 'Isn't that your fifth bottle of vodka and pack of nappies?' I think they're being intrusive.