Sleepless nights

LegacyUser

I witnessed a terrible accident several weeks ago. I'm not going to go into detail but suffice to say it was extremely graphic and horrifying, and resulted in a persons death. I know i was in shock after the event, and spent most of that day and the next either crying or literally shaking. The actual event kept going over and over in my mind for a few days, popping up while i was doing the most mundane tasks, but i've been assured that this is an entirely normal reaction in this situation. My problem is i haven't slept since then. I doubt i have had more than two hours uninterupted sleep. While i no longer seem to be getting flashbacks during the day(which is a massive relief to me) at night it is a different story, and it doesn't seem to be ending.

My dreams(or nightmares) are extremely vivid, almost like a film playing over and over. I know in my heart and soul that i could never have saved the person who died due to the nature of the accident, but in my dreams various situations are being played out. My OH was also a witness, was a upset for a couple of days yet now seems unaffected, and is perplexed by my reaction. TBH i'm probably suffering from sleep deprivation at this point, groggy during the day, I'm clumsy and snap at the smallest thing. My GP prescribed sleeping tablets which didn't help, I got even less sleep when i was taking them than without.

I just feel like this is never going to end for me, its getting to the point where i'm actually dreading going to bed because i know that i'm going to wake up sweating, or screaming after another nightmare. I mean, if i were still having flashbacks during the day, i could at least say to myself, "shake it off, your being self indulgant", but its the helplessness of not being able to control when and how it comes on thats the worst. I'm not sure exactly what i want from starting this thread, maybe just a reassurance that i'm not going mad.

ravima

you need to talk. Talk to GP or to a close friend, who will simply listen and be sympathetic. Talk, talk and more talk will hopefully help you.

Don't bottle it up.

Ickle Magoo

Hey OP,

What a horrible situation to be in. I think some people just process trauma differently and are perhaps better at compartmentalising or rationalising situations than others.

Have you spoken about what happened? Even written it down to get your emotions and reactions, fears and regrets down on paper? Have you a close friend or family member you could talk to about it? Failing that, perhaps speak to your doctor and ask about trauma counselling.

All the best.

LegacyUser

Thanks for replying.

I have spoken to my GP, who is wonderful, very rare to find one who will sit with a patient for more than a few minutes, and i have been speaking about what happened, I would be a very open person anyway. Thats what i find so difficult, I'm doing everything that i should do, yet still i'm plagued at night. I don't like to dwell on bad times and would be a very upbeat and generally happy person, so the fact that my mind seems to want to go back to this is what bugs me the most, especially as i am trying to confront it and deal with it. I'm not avoiding speaking about it, and have gone back to the spot it happened at, I would have to pass it everyday anyway so i got that out of the way the next day, which was extremely tough.

I guess what i find most confusing about it is my reaction to what happened. My OH, as I said, was a little upset for a few days but has had no long lasting problems, and is puzzled as to why I'm reacting this way. I'll admit freely that I'm jealous that they get to sleep quite normally while i'm having night terrors like a child, except i can't go running to my parents bed like i did aged 5!! It's actually physically draining, I too a two hour long walk today to tire myself out, but i can guarantee that tonight I will wake up in the middle of another dream.

Ickle Magoo

People are just different though OP, it doesn't make you or your partner wrong or odd in any way. Some people love being up to their elbows in surgery, others can't stand the sight of blood; some come back from war with PSTD, some coming back from the same war and suffer no ill effects.

Sounds like you are doing all the right things, perhaps you just need some more time? Certainly ask your GP about trauma counselling specifically.

Best of luck.