im worried about my best friend

LegacyUser

I am worried about my friend and I could use some advice. Im 26 and so is my friend. We have been through a lot we have been friends since playschool, and where I have succeded she has failed and visa versa. I have been lucky enough to find a man I love im with him 7 years and I am marrying him next year, however I have not had a job in 4 years,, I am on disability because I hurt my back in an accident. However my friends in an amazing job with fab money but she has been very unlucky in love

She was raped her sisters husband from the age of 11 to 14, I was the 1st person she told and I told her to tell her mam. Her mam didn’t believe her and her whole family made her out to be an attention seeker, only her Dad went to the cops where she was medically checked and it turned out to be true. He got a 2 year suspended sentence and is now living in the next town with a partner and kids. Her sister has a son from this man who is now 12 and hes the head of his dad, and it breaks her heart to see the face of someone who hurt her in the body of someone she loves so much.

She became very depressed, stopped taking care of herself and basically withdrew from everyone, her dad then died and her mother blamed her because of the “Stress the rape had caused” She is v withdrawn even now she cries to me over the rape and her dad and life in general. She has a great job and bought a house but lost it because she kept buying laptops/phones/ going out/ holidays and couldn’t afford her mortgage. (She was making more than double her mortgage was a month)

Long story short she moved back in with her mam as she lost her house. She stopped contact with me, In July last year i asked her to be bridesmaid at my wedding next year and she cried and said yes!. Yet she has been very distant since and now I know why. I have asked her to many partys/ over for coffee/ visits etc since and I either got “no” or “im busy” . It was my birthday last week and there was a big party arranged and on the morning of the party I got “Cant come” in a text . that was it, no explanation from my best friend! I text her back and got no answer. Next day I called up to her mams and she said that she “Left home a month ago and she hasn’t contacted her since” So many txts and calls later still no answer

Then today I was in town and I bumped into her. She was so skinny, one black eye, puffing on a fag(shes never smoked) , and she asked me for money. She just came up and went “Well liz can I get a fiver I need credit for my phone”. To say I was gobsmacked was an understatement. I started talking to her sayn “where have you been “ etc, then a girl came up and patted her on the shoulder and said “Come on girl we have to meet regie” and she just walked off with her.

I text her and said “Whats going on, your supposed to be my bridesmaid next year, why are you ignoring me and begging for money and abandoning your friends?

I got back “I couldn’t give a crap about your wedding. Piss off”

Im sick. Can anyone help me!!!

eternal

jees thats a terrible story .I know where youre coming from ,some people having love ,others money .Life is like that.
Sounds like the past finally caught up with this girl.It can take years for something to finally hit home.I get the feeling from the fact she threw her security away i.e her house that it scared her .because the security she had as a child was taken ,thus making her scared to depend on it again.
It feels safer for her to be like this ,lost in crazy stuff.I dont think it will last .I dont think anything you do now will make a difference.you will have to wait until she comes round .

LegacyUser

eternal wrote: »

It feels safer for her to be like this ,lost in crazy stuff.I dont think it will last .I dont think anything you do now will make a difference.you will have to wait until she comes round .

Well since last june its been bits and bobs with her and normally we would be talking a few times a week. Im so worried about her. When i asked her to be my bridesmaid she cried and hugged me and was in tears. Now its like "I dont care" and the only thing i feel that could change her like that is drugs and im praying its not

solovely

i feel that could change her like that is drugs and im praying its not

I'm far from an expert, but sounds very much to me like it could be.

.I dont think anything you do now will make a difference.you will have to wait until she comes round .

In a situation like this, I don't think I could just wait around. Sounds like she needs help, and needs to know someone cares. I would keep trying. Find out where she's living, talk to her, try be there for her in a non-confrontational manner. Do you get on with her Mam at all? Sounds like she's a bit of a heartless bitch, but maybe a good chat with her could help...I'm sure she does care about her daughter even if she doesn't show it.

You're in such a good place in your life right now, that it probably doesn't help, and there is an element of jealousy there, so try not to throw that in her face, and just be there for her.

These friends definitely sound like bad news. Are you sure she is still in her amazing job? Doesn't sound like it to me.

elbee

OP, I know you're hurt but you've always been a great friend to this girl and I think you should send her another text.

If she involved with drugs (god forbid, but she could be), then she'll be looking for any excuse to justify her addiction. WC Fields said 'I keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.'

Don't let her turn you into another snake! ('Even ddd hates me now. . .') I would send her a text saying that you miss her, you want to see her and make sure she's OK and that you're there for her if she needs anything.

That being said, don't enable her either - if she keeps asking for money then saying no is the right thing to do. But I would let her know you are willing to help in any way you can and that you miss her and still think of her as a very important friend. There may not be much else you can do but I think that would be a start because it may help to keep the door open.