i need ur advice

whycantileave

hi, im new to boards and looking for advice... i've been with my boyfriend for a year now and its going down the pan. i dont know why i cant walk away i just seem to be scared or something. He doesnt treat me how i want to be treated hes selfish with a huge ego. He expects me to evrything for him. I cook i clean i buy all the stuff we need even his clothes, worse thing is im not working at the minute so im spending my dole on him for nothing. He works but doesnt give me anything or show any appreciate to me. Im so fed up crying and fighting. The worse thing about our relationship is the physical aspect. He wont came near me in any cuz his ego is too large, im a bit over weight not huge amount a bit i carry weight on my bum and thighs and he recently told me he's an ass and legs man.... my biggest issues about myself... so sex is very rare here nearly 4months since we were intimate.. i constantly ask him why hes wit me then if hes not attracted to me he says he is but not physically!!!!!!!!!!!! like how is that not hurtful and confusing... why be with someone then... i dont have great self confidence or self esteem as it is and he isnt helping that in anyway... i do everything for him so why is he treating me this way??? i found his porn collection recently and he was really annoyed at me!! he would rather watch porn then be with me how is that meant to make me feel.. he made me feel bad like it was my fault i found it but didnt deny he watches it... im sooooo tired of this why cant i leave? do i deserve this? why dont i want better for myself?? i love him i do but am i a fool.. does he love me or is he just looking for a maid??

b743k

Looking for a maid, move on!

muracan

Read your post again....the answer will be obvious to you once you have read it ....time to be brave and make that decision for YOU!
Time to move on and find someone that will appreciate you and not treat you as a doormat.
You are too good for this waster, be more assertive and hold your head up!You owe this to yourself.Do it TODAY!
Best of luck!

Emme

You call this excuse for a man a BOYFRIEND?:eek: FREELOADER is the term I would use to describe him.

Do yourself a favour and leave him.

LegacyUser

You said yourself he's selfish and egotistical. Your only stroking his ego by hanging around to be his dogsbody and he knows this. Hes insulting you and wearing down your self esteem becasue thats how people like this feel powerful. He sounds pathetic, dont let him drag you down. You deserve and will find someone far better, who wants you to feel good about yourself when you start treating yourself with respect and leave this guy.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, I was in the exact same position as you a few years ago. I was 24 and living away from home for the first time

My ex was nothing short of a bully. Like you I did everything I could for him, did all his washing, cleaned up after him, bought everything that was needed for the house and never got a word of thanks, if he was to comment on anything I did for him it would be to complain.

I was deeply miserable, I was guaranteed to cry at least once a day, if he found me crying I’d get no sympathy, more often than not he’d mock the way I was crying.
Nothing I ever did was good enough, he told me stories about how all his friends said horrible things about me, said that I too was over weight and would point out any physical imperfection I had. It got so bad that I didn’t like leaving the house except to go to work because I thought that everyone was looking at me and judging me for how awful I was as a person. Thinking about it now what I was going through was mental abuse.

I had been thinking about leaving him for months but like you I was too scared, I thought I would be on my completely on my own. The straw that broke the camels back (and made me see sense) was when one day he went out after work for a few drinks. He rang me at 11pm to say he’d be home after this drink, I woke up at 4am to him stumbling into the bedroom completely sh!tfaced, when I asked where he was he stood over the bed and starting roaring into my face that I was never to ask him where he was. Talk about the scales falling from my eyes, all I could think of was why I was letting this scumbag do this to me, if I was at home this would never happen.

I started looking for somewhere else to live the next day, ended up moving home within a couple of months.

I still get angry at myself for wasting so much time on him and letting him demean me the way he did. Speaking to a friend of his shortly after he said he couldn’t understand why, that my ex used to show them photos of me on his phone and never stopped talking about me. It must have been his insecure way of trying to keep me though bullying, manipulation and mental abuse.