Romance in mature years

steddyeddy

Hey all just wondering has anyone here found there relationships change after returning to education as a mature student? Im currently a mature student and so many of my friends have found their partners resenting their return to education! Some have split up over it and more still have left their partners for someone else in the class! Has returning as a mature student affected your relationships?

Fea.

Yep, happened me. I started my first class on a Tuesday, hubby left the following Tuesday. nice huh?

[Jackass]

:eek: Wtf!!

Sorry to hear that Fea, but in relation to OP, many people in relationships / marriage see each other as a team, and share all. Such as combined income to purchase home etc., so one member of the relationship bettering themselves is not a selfish act and in the long term the other partner will benefit if they beleive in them, and most mature students support themselves (if just about) or require little assitance from their partner.

If something like going back to education ruins a relationship, there's other issues at play there and education is just a focus point where many issues come to a head.

And if someone leaves you for going back to education, perhaps you're better off without them and should look for somebody who encourages you and believes in you and gives your the moral support to help you through.

Just my 2 cents.

Fea.

Thank you ! and just so you know, this week I sit my last exam and have completed first year without so much as nod from anyone. I won't lie, its been the hardest year of my life, but it certainly has made me more determined to see this through to the end.

[Jackass]

Fea. wrote: »

Thank you ! and just so you know, this week I sit my last exam and have completed first year without so much as nod from anyone. I won't lie, its been the hardest year of my life, but it certainly has made me more determined to see this through to the end.

Good for you! I can't even imagine how tough the whole new experience has been and all the events of the year, but you should be very proud of yourself. Hang in there, it'll be more than worth it.

Fea.

LOL thank you again and I've literally just read this second that you've been offered a place for Sept !!! Good for you too !!!

steddyeddy

Fea. wrote: »

Yep, happened me. I started my first class on a Tuesday, hubby left the following Tuesday. nice huh?

Im very sorry to hear it fea . Im sorry if the thread brought up bad feelings. So many people in my class has had their relationships affected by returning to education.

steddyeddy

[Jackass] wrote: »

:eek: Wtf!!

Sorry to hear that Fea, but in relation to OP, many people in relationships / marriage see each other as a team, and share all. Such as combined income to purchase home etc., so one member of the relationship bettering themselves is not a selfish act and in the long term the other partner will benefit if they beleive in them, and most mature students support themselves (if just about) or require little assitance from their partner.

If something like going back to education ruins a relationship, there's other issues at play there and education is just a focus point where many issues come to a head.

And if someone leaves you for going back to education, perhaps you're better off without them and should look for somebody who encourages you and believes in you and gives your the moral support to help you through.

Just my 2 cents.

I agree one hundred per cent theres a two girls in my class and other halfs are constanly jealous and causing rows with them especially around exam time. One of the girls dumped her boyfriend but the other is still with hers.

The other thing is that education can change a person and it often effects mature students in different ways, a lot of mature students never imagined going back to education and sometimes they can change as a result and this can effect a relationship.

Will

I'm really looking forward to going back. I didn't enjoy my college experience at all first time round, was always failing or just scraping by. This time I actually want to do the course and I'm sure will do much better this time round I'm single so just have to look after numero uno for the moment. It's interesting to read though that significant others get jealous

Larianne

I remember on the first day of the access course, the course co-ordinator said something like "oh you might find a partner from the course as well as a college course" and then went on to say "or leave your partner for someone in the class, which happened last year!" :pac:

No, I didn't find a partner... not for the trying of two of the lads.

College takes up so much of your time and is a different world really to that of your partners, so I can see how it can cause a strain on relationships.

Will

You've got what, 2/3 years left Larianne? Plenty o time

steddyeddy

I'm really looking forward to going back. I didn't enjoy my college experience at all first time round, was always failing or just scraping by. This time I actually want to do the course and I'm sure will do much better this time round I'm single so just have to look after numero uno for the moment. It's interesting to read though that significant others get jealous

Yes a few other halves have got jealous in those situations the girls were following their dream and their other halves resented that and felt threathend by that and on some occasions tried to sabotage their efforts! I felt it sickening to be honest as I was friendly enough with the girls in question. It is a completely different world.

Larianne

Will wrote: »

You've got what, 2/3 years left Larianne? Plenty o time

2 years and counting!! :pac: In 3rd year come Friday! :eek:

Will

steddyeddy wrote: »

Yes a few other halves have got jealous in those situations the girls were following their dream and their other halves resented that and felt threathend by that and on some occasions tried to sabotage their efforts! I felt it sickening to be honest as I was friendly enough with the girls in question. It is a completely different world.

That is really crazy.

Larianne wrote: »

2 years and counting!! :pac: In 3rd year come Friday! :eek:

Congrats

steddyeddy

Larianne wrote: »

I remember on the first day of the access course, the course co-ordinator said something like "oh you might find a partner from the course as well as a college course" and then went on to say "or leave your partner for someone in the class, which happened last year!" :pac:

No, I didn't find a partner... not for the trying of two of the lads.

College takes up so much of your time and is a different world really to that of your partners, so I can see how it can cause a strain on relationships.

If Im not mistaken that would be Thomond Coogan who said that . My brother done the access course years and years ago. Yes I had a girl chase me and think about leaving her husband when I returned to education, I liked the girl but turned her down as I dont want to be responsible for that. A lot of people who got with their other half when they were a lot younger and then ten years later returned to education found the new world that was opening to them changed what they looked for in a partner.

steddyeddy

Will wrote: »

I'm really looking forward to going back. I didn't enjoy my college experience at all first time round, was always failing or just scraping by. This time I actually want to do the course and I'm sure will do much better this time round I'm single so just have to look after numero uno for the moment. It's interesting to read though that significant others get jealous

Ps good luck with your return to college! Im sure youll find the pick of the girls being single! I found college a very sexy experience

steddyeddy

Will wrote: »

That is really crazy.

Yes it is in both them circumstances the girls got with their partners at a young age and were prime examples of how college can add maturity to a person!

Pappacharlie

steddyeddy wrote: »

Hey all just wondering has anyone here found there relationships change after returning to education as a mature student? Im currently a mature student and so many of my friends have found their partners resenting their return to education! Some have split up over it and more still have left their partners for someone else in the class! Has returning as a mature student affected your relationships?

Speaking as someone who embarked on an IT degree course in 1998 and completed it in 2004 I can only say that unless you have 100% support from your spouse/partner then your relationship will be under severe pressure. Even with total support it puts a severe strain on day to day life.
Having gone down that road of returning to education (part time through Oscail), I would have to seriously consider if it was worth it. Ok I came out with a 1st Class honors degree but I did miss out on an awful lot of life and family time which I can not get back. The only way I can describe the whole affair is as being on a continuos guilt trip. When you are studying you feel you should be doing family things and when you do family things you should be studying. Think very carefully before embarking on a return to education and if you think anything of your partner consult with them before you begin the journey!!

Will

steddyeddy wrote: »

Ps good luck with your return to college! Im sure youll find the pick of the girls being single! I found college a very sexy experience

I'm going from one extreme to the other IT - Nursing. IT was full of lads and stereotypically very solitary type of work. Nursing will be choc full of ladies and so gloriously social in most cases

Fea.

Pappacharlie wrote: »

The only way I can describe the whole affair is as being on a continuos guilt trip. When you are studying you feel you should be doing family things and when you do family things you should be studying. Think very carefully before embarking on a return to education and if you think anything of your partner consult with them before you begin the journey!!

You have all made very valid points but for me this one probably stands out the most. I didn't have any support from family or friends, most were dead against my decision to educate myself. Most would speak to me with that sneering tone 'have you done your exercises?' or my favourite 'all those mature students stealing the places of the poor kids fighting for points in their leaving certs'.

As for relationships.... I can only but laugh at the thought, I've only just managed to get rid of the one I did have and there is no way I'm in any hurry to jump into another one.... if at all ever again !!!!

Agent_99

Thankfully I have the support of my Hubby and kids when I returned last September, Financially and emotionally. Returning to college for me was a big step as I left a full time job and my own personal income is just my student grant. I have an agenda for trying to get a degree, 1 for myself to prove that maybe I could have done it years ago, 2, To improve the household income and hopefully recession proof ourselves a little, 3, to show my sons that a university education is within their reach (if I can do it, they can do it)


@Fea. Does your family not understand that there are loads of spaces in Uni and all courses are allocated Mature places and you are the best of all the applicants

steddyeddy

Will wrote: »

I'm going from one extreme to the other IT - Nursing. IT was full of lads and stereotypically very solitary type of work. Nursing will be choc full of ladies and so gloriously social in most cases

You lucky man. Jealous now but have to say there were a few lookers in my courses over the years too

Larianne

Fea. wrote: »

or my favourite 'all those mature students stealing the places of the poor kids fighting for points in their leaving certs'.

That's a bloody awful thing to say!

[Jackass]

Fea. wrote: »

You have all made very valid points but for me this one probably stands out the most. I didn't have any support from family or friends, most were dead against my decision to educate myself. Most would speak to me with that sneering tone 'have you done your exercises?' or my favourite 'all those mature students stealing the places of the poor kids fighting for points in their leaving certs'.

As for relationships.... I can only but laugh at the thought, I've only just managed to get rid of the one I did have and there is no way I'm in any hurry to jump into another one.... if at all ever again !!!!

You're doing a great thing for you fea and let the haters hate. :cool: You've nothing to feel ashamed of or guilty about.

Anyone who puts someone down for looking for a better education and better oppertunities is very narrow sighted in my opinion.

breedie

I was in a similar situation when I started college. Partner was very unsupportive and threatened. I was off every day having a ball, doing what I really wanted to do while he was unemployed and stuck at home with the kids. I knew if I was going to succeed I had to get him on-side so I decided to split my life. Mon to Fri 9-5 I was at college and did all study etc. there and left it there so that when I came home I just concentrated on him and the kids. I also tried not to talk too much about my day as he acted really disinterested and all I got was snide remarks. I also made sure to tell him how much I loved him and asked him questions about the stuff that he knew about and I didn't (even if I wasn't really interested at the time). After a while he copped on but it took a bit of effort at the start. Must have worked though as I'm still in college 7 years later! Every conferring I made sure he understood that although I was the one dressed up like a dog's dinner it was 'our' degree and that I couldn't have done it without him (which was/is true). Good luck to everyone struggling with this and all I can say is if college is what you really want to do then stick at it regardless.

Fea.

Agent_99 wrote: »

Does your family not understand that there are loads of spaces in Uni and all courses are allocated Mature places and you are the best of all the applicants

Old fashioned way of thinking I presume but I'm looking past them and their opinions and just getting on with what I should have done years ago.

I must say though, you are all so supportive here, its lovely to meet all of you. I would multi-quote each of you but I haven't figured out how to do it yet LOL and I would also have given thanks to each of the great posts from everyone but I haven't figured that out yet either. Its okay though ! because I don't have to study again until September and for the next few months, I shall gladly be dossing like nobody's business.

THUMBS UP TO EVERYONE
XXX