Bringing a 3rd party into the bedroom...

Rufus the brave

Have discussed with my girlfriend the possibility of bringing a third person into the bedroom. The idea has been on the table for a long long time and now we are both ready to run with it.

I've read other posts on here with guys bringing in their mates etc...and obviously that is a no no. Can anyone advise on what might be the best way to meet someone for this sort of thing?

Thanks

R

ravima

DON'T.

All evidence suggests that it has a high probability of ruining your current relationship.

What happens if you prefer the TP or the TP shows a deeper interest in you, or your GF perceives one of the above?

Think very carefully and weigh up what you have, BEFORE.

Rufus the brave

Thanks I appreciate where your coming from, but we are kinda ready to run with this one. TP would be male...:eek:

cpeire

We have experience of this and find there are a few websites that are the best place to go. If you interested I can PM you the sites..

Don't listen to the neigh sayers. You should know as a couple if its right for you. We know a lot of couples in the lifestyle and they have incredibly strong relationships.

Rufus the brave

That would be great thanks

Bottle_of_Smoke

you'll have no problem getting a male. make sure she's on the pill if he's gonna be penetrating her vaginally

Canluum

ravima wrote: »

DON'T.

All evidence suggests that it has a high probability of ruining your current relationship.

LOL what evidence?

OP Obviously it's something you need to discuss candidly beforehand... not just between yourselves but the third person also. Don't fret too much about opening up, just let it all out to them... if they're in for a penny they're usually open to ground rules bein layed and details being talked about etc. I'd say it's safer not to assume anything.

And yeah, mates is probably not the best idea unless they're the really chill / open-minded type.

Perhaps send a few messages to (bi?) guys on okcupid. Or if it's a cuckholding/swinging/fetish type thing, there are a few fetish/swinger websites that cater to help meeting like-minded folk... yeah definitely pm cpeire.

Count Duckula

If it's something you've both discussed and both like the idea of then I don't see any harm in giving it a go. You might hate it, sure, but you might love it too, and you'll not know either way unless you give it a try.

And hell, you're going to be in your girlfriend's good books for months if you let her have a threesome with two guys!

cafecolour

Canluum wrote: »

OP Obviously it's something you need to discuss candidly beforehand... not just between yourselves but the third person also. Don't fret too much about opening up, just let it all out to them... if they're in for a penny they're usually open to ground rules bein layed and details being talked about etc. I'd say it's safer not to assume anything.

I second the above - make sure you discuss the ground rules/expectations with everyone before the event - probably at the outset when your looking for someone. There are obvious ones - i.e. m/m contact vs no m/m contact completely changes the sort of person you're looking for, but other ones as well (vaginal penetration? kissing? are they comfortable with someone else taking the lead, etc.)

Rufus the brave

thanks guys, appreciate the advice

I too am not sure what “evidence” ravima has that suggests relationship ruin is the likely outcome, but it is of course something that can have that effect.

The advice so far is good. Ground rules and so on. However for something like this to be effective there is something important you must have before ground rules, from which ground rules will come. That is good communication.

If I had to recommend one thing to people thinking of doing this I would simply say to make sure you and your partner are very good at communicating about sexual things. If you are not, I would hold up a red warning flag.

I myself claim at least some small knowledge on the subject given I live in a house and a full relationship with 2 girls at present. So the mechanics of making it work, and the necessity of communication has become starkly apparent to me in the last years. Not that an anecdote of one is proof of anything, but I certainly hope it gives me some useful insights.

I would suggest during “play time” with your partner you use words as foreplay. As you are holding and touching each other start talking naughty and explore that. See how comfortable you feel with it. Ensure at some point the naughty talk turns to the three some idea… what you both expect to happen, what you hope to do and see, how you think it will make you feel, what parts of it will excite you and so on.

Not only is talking in this fashion naughty and fun and quite exciting in itself so you should enjoy it a lot, but it will quickly help you establish your partners expectations of the planned event… and it will help you explore whether open sexual communication is something you are both good at. If you find yourself giggling nervously and stopping talking then maybe that area needs work first. If you find the things you are saying about the planned threesome do not match then maybe there is potential conflict there too which could be explored.

flowerchild

People may bring third parties into a relationship, inadvertantly, through joining web-sites and getting involved with people who install spy software. That can really affect the core relationship. Who wants to feel under surveillance when you are in bed? Who knows how many people are being shown the results? Really upsetting and unsettling. And nothing effective can be done about it.

But sometimes people bring third parties into the bedroom metaphorically. Have you ever remembered a previous partner. I bet your partner would know/not like it if you did. But most of us do it and it really can't be policed.

Me, I bring Lancelot and King Arthur into the bedroom in my head and my husbnad just laughs.

People who make a real suggestion re a third party are just on a continuum. Most partners would reject the suggestion with dismay, and also reject the person who made the suggestion. Those who don't may have 'issues' as they say. And if they didn't before they may well do afterwards.

It's risky. And when you can have heaps of fun in your head without those risks, why would you do it? Unless risk has become the name of the game.

fungun

Do you both want it? If so then fair enough, but be careful you havent 'persuaded' her she wants it. Its an exciting fantasy but sometimes works best that way.

the one piece of advice id give (on top of the communication post above which i 100% agree with) is to really think about it logically....dont assume she will enjoy it with another man equally as she does with you because that probably wont be the case. How will she feel if she doesnt enjoy it at all and you kinda persuaded her to do it? How will you feel if she has a better time with him than with you? If there are some positions you have which she likes but she doesnt orgasm in, but orgasms in them with him, how will you feel?

Communication is key here, before, during and afterwards.

Count Duckula

You need to be completely comfortable with one another sexually and romantically to make this work. There needs to be no jealously or even aspect of jealousy or it will end badly. It's too easy to grow resentful when you can see her eyes rolling back in pleasure at the work of another man; only if you like her pleasure and know it's nothing more to her than fulfilling a sexual fantasy will you be good with the idea.

But if you do have that level of security in your relationship, and you're both willing to give it a go, then go for it I say.

flowerchild

I'd say yes, if you're willing to marry the thrid party. Imagine you are Mormons and either partner can marry again. That raises possibilities.

You might like one man for some aspects and another for others. But be upfront about it with the neighbours and friends. 'It just brings us closer to God'.

Who could argue with that?

Plus, there are more people to change the sheets/take out the garbage/comfort the weans etc. Bliss!!

Not sure what marrying the third person has got to do with it to be honest. I am a little lost. I think the OP is looking for a once off event as a bit of fun, not some form of long term relationship.

Those of us, like myself, in a relationship with 2 people do not have the option of marriage. Nor has the relationship got anything to do with Mormonism or any religion. We do not subscribe to any religion at all.

There are of course some advantages to such a relationship as you say. Division of labor is one. Extra care for our daughter is another indeed. Also economies of scale mean we live cheaper per head then most couples can manage.

However I think we may be missing the Ops point and his question as nothing he has said indicates he is looking for a relationship with this third party, but just to engage in some sexual fun. How well they get on with that individual as a person does not need to extend much further than that.

Maple

Flowerchild, I absolutely fail to see the relevance of your posts to the OP. Advice on web-cams, mormons is immaterial.

Please keep all posts ontopic.

Maple

flowerchild

Sometimes good advice can take a question raised by another and broaden it into a range of other ways of meeting that need, with honor. When first reading the answer or hearing the response it can seem disconcerting, and a bit jarring, but it is absolutely, truly, put forward with good intentions to address the issue of variety within a core relationship.

If actually bringing in another person is seen to be too risky then maybe dress-up??

Or start to play with who you would invite to join you if you could? That gets the frisson without the actual compexity. Although beware for feelings of jealousy if she names mates who you do not expect, or visa versa.

It's hard to believe that you would marry someone with whom you have had three-ways, so be careful that you do not take this relationship in a direction that cuts off future options, when all you wanted was some fantasy.

Rufus the brave

ok guys, some interesting posts there. i will investigate these sites and commence the interview process i suppose . exciting times ahead...

HugoDrax

Rufus the brave wrote: »

Have discussed with my girlfriend the possibility of bringing a third person into the bedroom. The idea has been on the table for a long long time and now we are both ready to run with it.

I've read other posts on here with guys bringing in their mates etc...and obviously that is a no no. Can anyone advise on what might be the best way to meet someone for this sort of thing?

Thanks

R

If you have complete trust in each other then why not?
If you are going to have a threesome - all three people having sex have to be completely involved at the same time - no spectators.
For instance if a couple are in a relationship and the man is getting oral from the other woman - his girl should take part and be pleasuring the other woman at the same time.
Otherwise it can get emotionally upsetting and lead to an explosive row and tremendous jealousy than could end the relationship.
Both parties might agree to it but later regret it and feel used and cheap.
So beware. It is fun if you trust eachother but sex can play very unfunny games with peoples' heads.

Distorted

I take it she's given you an idea she might be up for this sort of thing? If not, might you try looking at some porn first and gauge her reaction? Anecdotally, male on male porn is more popular with women than you might imagine (after all, many men enjoy female on female action). Perhaps the first time, you might just stick to kissing the other guy and build on the experience from there if she reacts favourably to it.