Is avoiding him like the plague childish?

LegacyUser

I am a girl late 30's and sharing house with a guy bit older for past 7 months. So immediately we got on well and bounced off each other. Texting phone calls going to local and even went on holiday together. We slept with each other a few times which happened naturally after we had been out. This happened last week 3 nights later he comes home with another girl. Wow is that really mean? We had never had any kind of chat of any description but I am disgusted. Will I just pack up and move at weekend or have any guys any insight.

help this one time

help this one time wrote: »

I am a girl late 30's and sharing house with a guy bit older for past 7 months. So immediately we got on well and bounced off each other. Texting phone calls going to local and even went on holiday together. We slept with each other a few times which happened naturally after we had been out. This happened last week 3 nights later he comes home with another girl. Wow is that really mean? We had never had any kind of chat of any description but I am disgusted. Will I just pack up and move at weekend or have any guys any insight.

You were fcukbuddies, what did you expect? He's not your boyfriend, he can bring home who he likes

I dont see why you should move out, just don't sleep with him again and find someone else

Emme

help this one time wrote: »

I am a girl late 30's and sharing house with a guy bit older for past 7 months. So immediately we got on well and bounced off each other. Texting phone calls going to local and even went on holiday together. We slept with each other a few times which happened naturally after we had been out. This happened last week 3 nights later he comes home with another girl. Wow is that really mean? We had never had any kind of chat of any description but I am disgusted. Will I just pack up and move at weekend or have any guys any insight.

I think it's really mean of him especially if you went on holidays together but you should have been more careful OP and not slept with him unless you knew exactly what you were getting into. There's no reason for you to move out but I wouldn't feel comfortable staying there.

If you were really evil you could get somebody to mock up a letter addressed to you from an STD clinic, saying that your tests for STDs came up positive and you need treatment straight away. Leave it lying around for your housemate to find...:D Seriously,you'd be better to move out and get on with your life elsewhere.

The moral of the story here is don't **** on your own doorstep.

dearg lady

if you feel uncomfortable living there now, then by all means move, but don't just leave without saying anything, that really would be rude!
Perhaps what he did was slightly insensitive, but he didn't actually do anything wrong, you guys had no exclusivity agreed.

LighterGuy

As Bluewolf said... you were just fcukbuddies.

I understand it might of been a bit of a "whoa" type of moment. But its just you didnt quite think of the situation. Two people only living together, seemingly striking a friendship then over time sleeping together.

If you dont want to be an arrangement where you two sleep together and free to bring anyone home.. i suggest not to sleep with him again.

Emme

dearg lady wrote: »

if you feel uncomfortable living there now, then by all means move, but don't just leave without saying anything, that really would be rude!
Perhaps what he did was slightly insensitive, but he didn't actually do anything wrong, you guys had no exclusivity agreed.

It would be no more rude of the OP to leave without saying anything than it was for her housemate/shagbuddy to bring somebody else home within 3 days of sleeping with her. I know they weren't exclusive but it was still mean and I don't see why she should roll over and take it on the chin, as it were. She's hurt and she has a right to her feelings. I think the best thing would be for her to move out, move on and be more careful in the future.

I'd like to know if this man she's sharing with OWNS the house. If so, how many other female tenants has he slept with?

dearg lady

Emme wrote: »

It would be no more rude of the OP to leave without saying anything than it was for her housemate/shagbuddy to bring somebody else home within 3 days of sleeping with her. I know they weren't exclusive but it was still mean and I don't see why she should roll over and take it on the chin, as it were. She's hurt and she has a right to her feelings. I think the best thing would be for her to move out, move on and be more careful in the future.

I'd like to know if this man she's sharing with OWNS the house. If so, how many other female tenants has he slept with?

seriously? how is it rude, he's entitled to sleep with whoever he wants! As I said above it could be construed as slightly insensitive, but OP has no claims on him.
what on earth do you mean by 'roll over and take it on the chin?'
Of course OP is entitled to her feelings, but I'm not sure what else you're suggesting? I also said if she feels so uncomfortable she should move out. and make sure not to get into this kind of situation again if she can't deal with it.

Emme

I think what the guy did was extremely rude. Did he at any time explain to the OP that they were shagbuddies and that they weren't exclusive? Even if somebody is just a shagbuddy, they should still be treated with respect.

If they hadn't gone on holidays together his behaviour mightn't seem as caddish, but I think he was extremely insensitive and is walking all over the OP with his behaviour. They were texting each other and calling each other, the man must have known she had feelings or was developing feelings for him and even though they're both grown-ups he should have said to her that they weren't exclusive BEFORE he brought somebody else home.

What is wrong with expecting a bit of respect and consideration from other people? Is this such a barbarian society that you're considered a sap if you either show respect for other people or expect respect from other people?

If the shoe were on the other foot and SHE had brought somebody home I wonder what HE would have said? :rolleyes:

dearg lady

I'm still confused as to what advice your giving the OP, any more than what others have suggested, which is to move out if it bothers her so much, particularly the whole she shouldn't 'roll over and take it on the chin' which you haven't really explained.

Look, I'm not saying OP shoudln't be hurt, we're all entitled to our feelings!
But I tend to assume non-exclusivity unless it's otherwsie discussed, whereas you seem to assume the opposite..

OP, I think it's a kinda crappy situation, but I would advise you to take the high road, I'm sorry you got hurt, but if I was you I would learn a harsh lesson, and move on, which may mean moving out.

Firetrap

I think the OP and this bloke have been looking at their arrangement in different ways. It's clear that he sees it as nothing more than a friends with benefits type situation, though the going on holiday bit will have muddied the waters. I'm guessing that the OP may have developed some feelings for this guy or thinks on some level that they are some sort of couple. Really, having a casual sexual relationship with a house mate isn't a good idea because if something crops up, it's right on your doorstep.

Seeing as the OP is bothered by him bringing another woman home, it's time to stop having sex with him and move out. It's either that or have a conversation with him about becoming exclusive.

LegacyUser

Hi

God its like Rickky lake with **** buddies oh oh oh ouch

Thanks for helping me get some perspective, I will move out at week end and avoid in the mean time!!

RileyCoyote

My 2 cents - I think even in f*ckbuddy situations, there's still a modicum of manners required. I think what he did was bad manners and inconsiderate. I'm always amazed by the amount of people who seem to assume anything goes until you have the 'we are exclusive' conversation. A small bit of discretion goes a long way to prevent hurt feelings - even if its a casual or open relationship, people should still be considerate of each other's feelings.

I too would recommend having a chat, if only cos you might feel better to have your say, rather than just legging it.