never the right guy

LegacyUser

hi readers,

i am looking for some insight to this ever revolving pattern in my life when it comes to guys.

I am in my 30's and single but would love to settle with someone, buy the house, start the family etc.
I have been in several relationships, but obviously they have not worked out.
There seems to be a pattern - guys who I fancy like mad but are not husband material (poor, lack of common interests) or guys who are husband material, but I do not have the necessary lust for them.

I recently broke up with a guy who was the perfect husband material - has the house, good job, we had so much in common etc but there was no spark on my behalf.

Now, I have met someone, with whom I have a hugh spark but he is not husband material (not working and no prospects of doing so). I am at risk is meeting him again, but I think this is pointless as it will go no where.
And yes, I may seem in a hurry to meet the right one - but i am - I would love to find someone to settle with.

Am I looking at this the wrong way? Perhaps money should not matter?

PS. I earn good money and have a good lifestyle so I think he should have the same otherwise things would be difficult.

Virgil°

I think there are two issues here.
You're first is that you come across as quite eager to get the house car two and a half kids and a married life right now. This could be coming across in your personality and could potentially ruin a fledging relationship with "the right guy".
You're in your thirties not your fifties. You still have time so don't rush things and make the wrong decision for the sake of the "complete life".
Secondly i think you realise yourself that you might be a bit materially focused.
Money does matter, it'd be unwise to think it doesn't. But what difference does it make if you earn more than your partner? Surely the most important thing is that you click with him?
"he is not husband material (not working and no prospects of doing so)"
This worries me a bit. What do you mean not husband material? What do you mean no work prospects? Everyone has work prospects don't they? Unless he sits about the house bone idle living off the dole with no signs of wanting work then i don't see why this is an issue. It's not exactly easy to find work at the moment for many people.
If you mean that hes not into high end careers then maybe what you say is true. But you're on here asking for advice and mine to you would be not be so focused on money and maybe give this guy a chance.

LegacyUser

I think you re looking at it all wrong in one way-sure if a guy don,t want to work and has no interest in working or doing anything-its understandable why you wouldn,t wanna date him-but on the hand I think you re a bit materialistic-you say you earn good money you think he should hsve the same-so if you met a guy you liked and really clicked with but found out he worked in a minimum wage type job-would you stop seeing him just because he wouldn,t earn as much as you?

sharper

nevertherightguy wrote: »

Am I looking at this the wrong way? Perhaps money should not matter?

I think the real question is why are you attracted to men with no prospects that you have nothing in common with?

You apparently have no trouble attracting either the sort of man you think you want or the sort you feel a spark with so you need to resolve the difference.

You seem to want to go with the type of man you feel a spark with "Perhaps money should not matter?" but there's a wide gap between a man who doesn't have money and a man who just doesn't work and has no prospects.

Only you know for sure but how long do you think a spark can sustain a relationship with someone you have nothing in common with and have to support financially? Are they really guys for having a family with?

LegacyUser

thanks for all the replies.

Ok, to clarify a few things.

I have always have things in common with the people I go out with - hence we have things to talk about and hobbies to share.
When I talk about this guy who is a bit poor, he does work - odd jobs here and there (use to be in the construction trade before it went bust). But he does not go through the books, and he is defensive about this issue. We have a lot on common with regards to movies, music and books but there are things that I like to do that cost money, like go away for romantic weekends. These are things he would not have the money for.

With regards to my ex who has money, we had lots in common too - but I did not fancy him so much. I had hoped he would have grown on me but he did not.

I really fancy this new guy - but I do not wanna go down a road that I think will eventually end and I do not want to put him in a difficult situation by suggesting we do things and then for him to think "well i can't so I cannot afford that".

To be honest I am rushing a bit but you know, it is difficult to get pregnant from mid 30's upwards. I am just being realistic.

But ye are right - it is not like this guy is a waster - but I do not think he has any intentions of working in any other field. He seems to be able to live in very little. So perhaps he has enough doing the odd jobs here and there.

It is not that I want a guy for his money - i have my own - but it just seems that it would be difficult to make a relationship work if the girl has more than the guy.

Perhaps I just need to meet someone who I am better suited to. Any thoughts on the above are appreciated.